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Things that make you laugh...

My partner and I were talking about our first impressions of each other.

She told me, 'I thought you were out of my league, but then you started talking...'


I...I don't know what to make of that.
 
bigfield said:
My partner and I were talking about our first impressions of each other.

She told me, 'I thought you were out of my league, but then you started talking...'


I...I don't know what to make of that.
Click to expand...

It means that she loves you, 'cause she stayed, and has no false expectations about you...Good for you! :)
 
Laughing at my cousin and her husband. He is a big baby about going to the dentist but he now has no choice. It's such a big deal for him to go to the dentist that she is posting play-by-play photos and a map of where they are on the route and the dentist's office location. Every post gets a bunch of supportive comments from all of us tell him good luck and enjoy the meds and I hope the dentist doesn't use that one tool on you. You know the one. dun dun DUN. That kind of thing. :D
 
hylidae said:
a bunch of supportive comments from all of us
Click to expand...
And afterwards, ask if the anesthetic has worn off YET.
That's my least favorite part. It doesn't erase any pain he inflicts on the patient, it only delays it, then you can eventually sense every single thing he did, poked, prodded, probed, lifted, drilled, cut....
 
Keith&Co. said:
hylidae said:
a bunch of supportive comments from all of us
Click to expand...
And afterwards, ask if the anesthetic has worn off YET.
That's my least favorite part. It doesn't erase any pain he inflicts on the patient, it only delays it, then you can eventually sense every single thing he did, poked, prodded, probed, lifted, drilled, cut....
Click to expand...

He's now complaining that he only got the shots and it fucking hurts and he's giving the finger to the camera. I told him there's scientific evidence that cursing eases pain, so he's good.
 
A coworker has two daughters, ages 4 and 1. When the kids arrived, his wife made a considerable effort to stop swearing. One of her tactics is that when she's upset, she shouts "SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA!" instead of "SHIT!"

The other day, coworker was enjoying a glass of iced tea. Daughter asked what he was drinking. He told her. The girl got really close and whispered, "Iced tea makes mommy really mad."
"No, dear," he tried to explain. "It's sugar AND honey in iced tea that makes her mad."
"Uh huh," daughter said, with that look on her face one gives people who are dumber than a bag of hammers but outrank you, so you indulge them with 'Uh huh, sure, whatever you say.' even though you know they're wrong. I know what that look is like, as i see my coworker give it to our boss on a regular basis.
"No, really, I'm fairly sure the missile lights off inside the tube before launch."
"Uh huh. Yeah. Sure."

So he goes and tells his wife that while their oldest has not quite decoded the phrase, she knows that it's an expletive.
"How'd she figure that out?"
"You only say it when you're really, really pissed."
"Oh. Well, fuck.'
 
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
 
Keith&Co. said:
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
Click to expand...

:hysterical:

:notworthy:
 
Keith&Co. said:
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
Click to expand...

A friend of mine liked to look all friendly and worried while asking people, "Do you take Federal Reserve Notes." In a Western Auto, the cashier called in her manager, who called in the mechanic. They inspected my friend's twenty dollar bill, and then the manager said they couldn't chance it.

I tried it a few times. I liked to increase their defensiveness, their eagerness to reject my offering, by, after asking the original question, adding, "Well, you have to accept it because it says 'legal tender for all debts public and private' right on it."

My brother liked to hesitate before paying a bill, and then ask, "Do you take Hawaiian money?" As if Hawaii wasn't part of the Union yet.
 
Keith&Co. said:
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
Click to expand...

Was in Vietnamese restaurant in Worcester, Mass, hand made sign in Mens Room: "Employees must wash hands before return to wok".
 
Keith&Co. said:
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
Click to expand...

You are EVIL! :hysterical:
 
Keith&Co. said:
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
Click to expand...

You sir, are an asshole.
 
paladin.oa said:
Keith&Co. said:
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
Click to expand...

You sir, are an asshole.
Click to expand...

That's why he needed his hands washed.
 
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I was playing 20 questions with some 7 year olds today and I was glancing around the room and said 'Yep, got it, it's in my head' to which one student put her hand up, I called up one her and she said 'Your brain!' I was thinking computer, so she wasn't far wrong. :D
 
Keith&Co. said:
FINALLY!
I was in the restroom at Red Robin and an employee was washing his hands. I came up behind him and held my hands out. I adopted a slight Russian accent. "I am with ready."
"Uhm.... What?"
"Your sign." He glanced around. The only sign in the restroom was 'Employees must wash hands." "Oh, yeah." He nodded at the sink. "I'll be done in a second."
"No," I said. "The sign says that I cannot wash hands. EMPLOYEE must wash hands. You are employee. I am with ready when you are."

"That's, uh, that's not what it means."
"That is what it SAY! I do not wish any trouble."
He bolted. I didn't see him again before we left the restaurant. I think he hid in the kitchen.
Click to expand...

It's funny...:D

It made me think of this...

 
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