• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Things that make you laugh...

They called me to the boss' office this afternoon.
I went through an area that's getting redecorated and paused outside of a conference room while they moved some furniture out of the way. I farted.
It happens.
The guy in charge of the meeting in the conference room took offense. Must be the sound, I was too far away for him to smell it.... Yet.
"Did you have to do that?"
There was some noise being made by the redecorators, I pretended it was too noisy to hear him. "What?"
He repeated himself. I stepped into the conference room. "What?"
He got a little louder, just as someone out here started using an electric drill. I moved up to his end of the table.

"DID YOU HAVE TO PASS GAS RIGHT OUTSIDE THIS CONFERENCE ROOM!?!?!"
"Well, no," I said. And farted. "I COULD have come inside, but I didn't think you'd want me to."
He was stunned silent as I walked out.
 
While I was in the Navy, stationed overseas, my dad sold the house I grew up in and moved. When he was packing up, he found a box of toys in my room.
He found a Princess Barbie.
First he thought it was my sister's, called her, she denied ever owning Princess Barbie.
So he confronted me. "Did you own a Princess Barbie?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"To play with her."
"Well, well.... Why did you identify with Barbie?"
"Oh, I never imagined I was the princess, Dad."
"Oh." Kind of relieved, he guessed, "So you were the prince?"
"Um, no, Dad. I always imagined that I was the Dragon."
 
My coworkers are going on and on about transgendered bathroom laws (using the word 'perversions,' quite a bit). "I don't want to explain to my daughter about the six foot tall guy with a beard in the ladies room."

Okay.
How about explaining Tula Cossey to your son in the men's room?

View attachment 6516

Bond Girl, model, Page Three girl...






... Born 'Barry' before the name (and other) change...
 
Keith&Co. said:
My coworkers are going on and on about transgendered bathroom laws (using the word 'perversions,' quite a bit). "I don't want to explain to my daughter about the six foot tall guy with a beard in the ladies room."

Okay.
How about explaining Tula Cossey to your son in the men's room?

View attachment 6516

Bond Girl, model, Page Three girl...






... Born 'Barry' before the name (and other) change...
Click to expand...

Sheesh ... I am not fond of the idea of people lusting after me or my progeny in public restrooms (something I consider unlikely in any event). Is Tula Cossey attracted to women, men or both? Or neither? (If a trans woman is attracted to women, is she REALLY a lesbian?)
If this whole kerfuffle is about people getting their jollies from voyeurism in public restrooms, why aren't they trying to ban gays from the bathrooms of their own gender? Maybe they should come up with "third gender" bathrooms:
* Take a shit, M
* Take a shit, F and
* Don't give a shit - all

Couldn't be much more expensive than what has already been spent trying to legislate lust, let alone what it would cost to enforce some of these hare-brained laws.
 
It's not about the lust.
It's about a whole bunch of people being uncomfortable with the thought of anything besides straight, cisgendered, monogamous and age appropriate;
and feeling anything outside their comfort zone is a 'perversion.'
And not wanting to have to think about different people being different.
Plus, perverts deserve to be punished for their perversions...
 
Keith&Co. said:
It's not about the lust.
It's about a whole bunch of people being uncomfortable with the thought of anything besides straight, cisgendered, monogamous and age appropriate;
and feeling anything outside their comfort zone is a 'perversion.'
And not wanting to have to think about different people being different.
Plus, perverts deserve to be punished for their perversions...
Click to expand...

It's about people without the capacity for self reflection and who are therefore blind to their own religiously instilled perversions.
 
TITLES OF BACH CHORALES, AS TRANSLATED BY MY NIECE AFTER ONE SEMESTER
OF GERMAN.


BY NOLAN BONVOULOIR

- - - -
Valet will ich dir geben
I will give a deer to the valet

Kommt, Seelen, dieser Tag
Come, seals, this day

Wie bist du, Seele
How are you, seal?

Christus, der uns selig macht
Christ, make us a salad

Nun lob mein Seel den Herren
Don’t throw that herring to my seal

Was willst du dich, o meine Seele
What are you gonna do now, O my seal?

Christ lag in Todes Banden
Christ is late to every band rehearsal

Schmücke dich, o liebe Seele
My dear seal, you are such a schmuck

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/...ated-by-my-niece-after-one-semester-of-german
 
I got a trophy!

The boss invented the Traveling Achievement Award, to promote morale in the Fleet Documentation And Training unit. And after a year and a half with him as my boss, he finally sat in on one of my training sessions and was impressed to find out what I do for a living. And made me the first recipient of the TAA.
"Now," he said, "you get to enjoy the trophy for a week, then pick the next person to give the trophy to."
"Okay," I said. "But are they going to want to touch it after I've enjoyed it for a week?"
He's an easy man to unsettle, my boss.
He's a former surface officer in charge of a department that's probably about 40% former enlisted missile techs with multiple submarine tours. He was uncomfortable with my remark.

A week later, i chose the next achiever, repeated the 'enjoy it for a week' invitation, and handed nextguy a pair of rubber gloves and a travel-packet of wipes before giving him the trophy. Boss watched all this and just kept repeating, "That's wrong on so many levels...."
 
iCarly just waterboarded her brother with ketchup. This scene could make Dick Cheney wince.
 
Keith&Co. said:
I got a trophy!

The boss invented the Traveling Achievement Award, to promote morale in the Fleet Documentation And Training unit. And after a year and a half with him as my boss, he finally sat in on one of my training sessions and was impressed to find out what I do for a living. And made me the first recipient of the TAA.
"Now," he said, "you get to enjoy the trophy for a week, then pick the next person to give the trophy to."
"Okay," I said. "But are they going to want to touch it after I've enjoyed it for a week?"
He's an easy man to unsettle, my boss.
He's a former surface officer in charge of a department that's probably about 40% former enlisted missile techs with multiple submarine tours. He was uncomfortable with my remark.

A week later, i chose the next achiever, repeated the 'enjoy it for a week' invitation, and handed nextguy a pair of rubber gloves and a travel-packet of wipes before giving him the trophy. Boss watched all this and just kept repeating, "That's wrong on so many levels...."
Click to expand...

Is the trophy in the shape of a Trident II? I could see why he would be worried, especially if you're married, and you enjoy sharing things with your wife.
 
thebeave said:
Is the trophy in the shape of a Trident II?
Click to expand...
No, nothing so obvious. Which is probably making him MORE uncomfortable, trying to figure out 'how did he...?'

Some coworkers have discovered that if you follow him into the restroom and stand in line behind him, he can't pee.

"Use another urinal!"
"No, sorry, boss, it's Thursday. Thursday is Urinal #4. But go ahead, take your time."
 
Keith&Co. said:
thebeave said:
Is the trophy in the shape of a Trident II?
Click to expand...
No, nothing so obvious. Which is probably making him MORE uncomfortable, trying to figure out 'how did he...?'

Some coworkers have discovered that if you follow him into the restroom and stand in line behind him, he can't pee.

"Use another urinal!"
"No, sorry, boss, it's Thursday. Thursday is Urinal #4. But go ahead, take your time."
Click to expand...

That's Shy Bladder Syndrome. Its' pretty common actually. I had that really bad when I was younger...not so much now. I could stand at the urinal in a busy bathroom and two or three guys could have come and gone in the adjacent urinals, and I still couldn't even start peeing, even though I had to go really bad. Often I would get paranoid that I was being watched and pointed at behind my back, so I'd just zip up and leave like I finished, when I hadn't even started!

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/features/secret-social-phobia
 
Keith&Co. said:
thebeave said:
Is the trophy in the shape of a Trident II?
Click to expand...
No, nothing so obvious. Which is probably making him MORE uncomfortable, trying to figure out 'how did he...?'

Some coworkers have discovered that if you follow him into the restroom and stand in line behind him, he can't pee.

"Use another urinal!"
"No, sorry, boss, it's Thursday. Thursday is Urinal #4. But go ahead, take your time."
Click to expand...

Your boss sounds like he would be fun to mess with!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom