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Things that make you laugh...

So, we're shooting the breeze at work and somehow I end up telling a story about my third sub.
It was field day, so all hands were awake, cleaning the spaces. My chief walked by, pointed at my Walkman, asked what I was listening to.
"Sticks," I said.
"Oh, I love Styx!" he misunderstands. I hand over the headphones. And he hears this guy banging two sticks together. That's all he does. Towards the end of the side, he doubles the speed he bangs them together at.
Chief stares at me for a minute. "Tell me there's other things on this tape."
"Oh, sure!" I start to unclip the Walkman. "On side two, the sticks are made of Hickory!"
He threw the headphones down in disgust and walked away.

My present coworkers stare for a moment. Finally one asked, "So, uh, how long did you listen to that tape before someone finally asked what you were listening to?"
"What? You think I'd purposefully listen to a tape like that JUST on the off chance I could get someone to stare at me in utter confusion for a full minute?"
"Yes," was the unanimous decision of my peers.




....They're on to me.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So, we're shooting the breeze at work and somehow I end up telling a story about my third sub.
It was field day, so all hands were awake, cleaning the spaces. My chief walked by, pointed at my Walkman, asked what I was listening to.
"Sticks," I said.
"Oh, I love Styx!" he misunderstands. I hand over the headphones. And he hears this guy banging two sticks together. That's all he does. Towards the end of the side, he doubles the speed he bangs them together at.
Chief stares at me for a minute. "Tell me there's other things on this tape."
"Oh, sure!" I start to unclip the Walkman. "On side two, the sticks are made of Hickory!"
He threw the headphones down in disgust and walked away.

My present coworkers stare for a moment. Finally one asked, "So, uh, how long did you listen to that tape before someone finally asked what you were listening to?"
"What? You think I'd purposefully listen to a tape like that JUST on the off chance I could get someone to stare at me in utter confusion for a full minute?"
"Yes," was the unanimous decision of my peers.




....They're on to me.
Click to expand...

You really are an asshole aren't you?

99.9% rhetorical.

At least you keep things relaxed.
 
paladin.oa said:
Keith&Co. said:
So, we're shooting the breeze at work and somehow I end up telling a story about my third sub.
It was field day, so all hands were awake, cleaning the spaces. My chief walked by, pointed at my Walkman, asked what I was listening to.
"Sticks," I said.
"Oh, I love Styx!" he misunderstands. I hand over the headphones. And he hears this guy banging two sticks together. That's all he does. Towards the end of the side, he doubles the speed he bangs them together at.
Chief stares at me for a minute. "Tell me there's other things on this tape."
"Oh, sure!" I start to unclip the Walkman. "On side two, the sticks are made of Hickory!"
He threw the headphones down in disgust and walked away.

My present coworkers stare for a moment. Finally one asked, "So, uh, how long did you listen to that tape before someone finally asked what you were listening to?"
"What? You think I'd purposefully listen to a tape like that JUST on the off chance I could get someone to stare at me in utter confusion for a full minute?"
"Yes," was the unanimous decision of my peers.




....They're on to me.
Click to expand...

You really are an asshole aren't you?

99.9% rhetorical.

At least you keep things relaxed.
Click to expand...

^ That last point. If I could hire someone who would counter the starch of the work environment like that, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
 
So there was an argument in the office about a certain road. I drive on it every day to get to work. My opinion apparently was outranked by someone who has lived in this town all his life.

"Okay." I agreed with him. His desire to be right was stronger than my desire to argue with him.

He still wanted to argue, though, because he somehow suspected that he had not actually convinced me of the superiority of his argument.

"NO, no, look, you're right, Tyler doesn't go down that way. Treasure the knowledge that you're right. Just, you know, never look it up on a street map. Then you'll never know you're wrong."

He stormed off.

My colleagues in my office looked it up on the internet and found I was, in fact, correct. The native came back a few minutes later and called me an asshole. Apparently he'd ignored my advice and looked it up, too.

"Great," one of my coworkers said. "Lose the argument AND pat him on the back. There'll be no living with him, now."
 
So, my blood sugar crashed in the lab this morning.
Unfortunately, one of the only symptoms I always have for a low blood sugar is denial.

I stood up and the room got dizzy, so I sat back down again until the room could get its shit together. My supervisor asked if I was okay.
I'm fine! The room's a little blurry, but that's okay.

I like it when the walls are soft and fuzzy because it doesn't look like it'll hurt as much when you bounce off of them.

So, she suggested that maybe I should eat something. I'm okay with eating, sure, but it's still hours until lunch. She suggested maybe I was having an issue with blood sugar.

I denied it, pointing out that when my sugar crashes, I have denial and outrageous sweating.

A coworker asked if I was denying that I had denial. I said that sounded like something I'd have said. And denied a problem.

Besides, I'd be sweating if I had a problem.

Supervisor asked me to wipe my forehead. I didn't see any purpose, but she insisted. So I did.

Felt like I'd just come in out of the rain. I begin to admit, not that I have a problem, but that I can see where they might think I had a problem. They ask what I WOULD do if I had a problem. "Oh, eat something, I guess. Fruit juice, a cookie."
"Doesn't that sound really good right now?" she tempts me.
You know, it really DID sound good, now that I thought about it.

So I stagger off to the break room and drink some juice, eat a cookie. Hit the spot. Started back to the lab, stopped in the restroom and peed for about five minutes.

I finally got back to the lab as my supervisor was detailing people to go search for me, and practicing how to tell the security office where to send the ambulance.

I thanked them profusely for their concern, but we then discussed, if I'm that far out of it, please take away my car keys before I decide that what we really need involves a speed run to the nearest Fuddrucker's.

"what? It's not like you were drunk!"
"Um... Yeah, it's a LOT like I was drunk."
"But you weren't slurring your words!"
"Dude. I'm 250 pounds and you had to TALK ME into FOOD."
"Oh. Good point."

So, now they have this plan to borrow this multi-tool I have on my key chain. If I lack the motor skills to disconnect it from the keys, then they should talk me into giving them the keys.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So, my blood sugar crashed in the lab this morning.
Unfortunately, one of the only symptoms I always have for a low blood sugar is denial.

I stood up and the room got dizzy, so I sat back down again until the room could get its shit together. My supervisor asked if I was okay.
I'm fine! The room's a little blurry, but that's okay.

I like it when the walls are soft and fuzzy because it doesn't look like it'll hurt as much when you bounce off of them.

So, she suggested that maybe I should eat something. I'm okay with eating, sure, but it's still hours until lunch. She suggested maybe I was having an issue with blood sugar.

I denied it, pointing out that when my sugar crashes, I have denial and outrageous sweating.

A coworker asked if I was denying that I had denial. I said that sounded like something I'd have said. And denied a problem.

Besides, I'd be sweating if I had a problem.

Supervisor asked me to wipe my forehead. I didn't see any purpose, but she insisted. So I did.

Felt like I'd just come in out of the rain. I begin to admit, not that I have a problem, but that I can see where they might think I had a problem. They ask what I WOULD do if I had a problem. "Oh, eat something, I guess. Fruit juice, a cookie."
"Doesn't that sound really good right now?" she tempts me.
You know, it really DID sound good, now that I thought about it.

So I stagger off to the break room and drink some juice, eat a cookie. Hit the spot. Started back to the lab, stopped in the restroom and peed for about five minutes.

I finally got back to the lab as my supervisor was detailing people to go search for me, and practicing how to tell the security office where to send the ambulance.

I thanked them profusely for their concern, but we then discussed, if I'm that far out of it, please take away my car keys before I decide that what we really need involves a speed run to the nearest Fuddrucker's.

"what? It's not like you were drunk!"
"Um... Yeah, it's a LOT like I was drunk."
"But you weren't slurring your words!"
"Dude. I'm 250 pounds and you had to TALK ME into FOOD."
"Oh. Good point."

So, now they have this plan to borrow this multi-tool I have on my key chain. If I lack the motor skills to disconnect it from the keys, then they should talk me into giving them the keys.
Click to expand...

Charlie-Brown-and-Snoopy-peanuts-22482304-259-194.jpg
 
Rumor has it that my oldest son's facebook for yesterday said: "Happy Father's Day to the man who taught me that fire is the cleanser and it's okay to be a nerd."

Too bad I never taught him that I'm not on facebook....
 
Keith&Co. said:
Rumor has it that my oldest son's facebook for yesterday said: "Happy Father's Day to the man who taught me that fire is the cleanser and it's okay to be a nerd."

Too bad I never taught him that I'm not on facebook....
Click to expand...

Somebody with a similar name who is on facebook might be a tad confused just now....
 
jonatha said:
Keith&Co. said:
Rumor has it that my oldest son's facebook for yesterday said: "Happy Father's Day to the man who taught me that fire is the cleanser and it's okay to be a nerd."

Too bad I never taught him that I'm not on facebook....
Click to expand...

Somebody with a similar name who is on facebook might be a tad confused just now....
Click to expand...
I just hope they don't take 'Fire is the cleanser' as a threat.
 
So for some sort of morale booster, they put a big-screen TV in the work area.
And THEN decided what to put on it. They've been submitting cartoons, quotations, pictures of the area and there's a file for pets.

I submitted a picture of Cleopatra:




Some coworkers laughed.
Some are confused.
Some are jealous....

One... Actually insists to me that VFTs do not really exist. I've got two at home...
 
13495298_1717544308333265_4514785621749022218_n.jpg
 
One way we used to tease the newbies on the submarine was radiation-counter training. THings like the geiger counter which indicate radiation by popping sounds. We use headphones because you hear the sound long before the dial catches up.
So for nubs, we used to get sheets of bubble wrap and twist them up, When you overtorque the things, then all the bubbles at the twist will pop. We tell the nubs to count the pops. Say it's for learning how to estimate the radiation dose if the dial fails. So you'd come across junior sailors diligently twisting the bubble wrap, then unrolling it to count the burst bubbles and check their work.

Well, i told my sons about this trick.

And the one who's currently enlisted got braced with this trick. They twisted the wrap, he said '45.'
What?
'Yeah, my dad handled nuclear weapons. He taught all of us how to do this for when the nukes start to fall.'
Holy shit, they said, it's fucking real!
 
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