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Things that make you laugh...

On one of my wife's forums, they have a game called 'It's that time of year, again.' Anyone can play, just log into the thread and say 'I'm in.'
The game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song 'Little Drummer Boy.'
Once you hear it, on the radio, or in the elevator, or the Muzak while shopping, you have to say you're out.
If you hear it because someone knows you're playing, and plays it on purpose, that doesn't count.
THe game runs from Black Friday to Christmas Morning.
She was explaining this to me when we went out to Dinner last night. Just as she finished explaining (and how one person made it to Christmas Eve, 11:00 at night), we walk into the taco shack. They didn't have any music playing, but they had a TV on in the corner... Which played a local advertisement as we walked in the door... That used 'Little Drummer Boy' in the background.
She blames me. I say SHE is the one who jinxed it.
Esp. since she's the one who said, 'Let's go to that taco shack for dinner.'
 
Keith&Co. said:
On one of my wife's forums, they have a game called 'It's that time of year, again.' Anyone can play, just log into the thread and say 'I'm in.'
The game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song 'Little Drummer Boy.'
Once you hear it, on the radio, or in the elevator, or the Muzak while shopping, you have to say you're out.
If you hear it because someone knows you're playing, and plays it on purpose, that doesn't count.
THe game runs from Black Friday to Christmas Morning.
She was explaining this to me when we went out to Dinner last night. Just as she finished explaining (and how one person made it to Christmas Eve, 11:00 at night), we walk into the taco shack. They didn't have any music playing, but they had a TV on in the corner... Which played a local advertisement as we walked in the door... That used 'Little Drummer Boy' in the background.
She blames me. I say SHE is the one who jinxed it.
Esp. since she's the one who said, 'Let's go to that taco shack for dinner.'
Click to expand...

That sucks - I am no stranger to being blamed for that over which I have no control. But there should be an "out" of some sort for that game - like if you hear the scary version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", you get back in?
 
Elixir said:
That sucks - I am no stranger to being blamed for that over which I have no control. But there should be an "out" of some sort for that game - like if you hear the scary version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", you get back in?
Click to expand...
There's a non-scary version....?
 
I wore my T-shirt that says, "Some people call me a veteran, I prefer Starfleet Officer" today.
Someone asked me if i wore it on Veteran's Day. I thought, 'Cool!' because, you know, someone made the connection. And in fact, i had not because the shirt was in the laundry that day. So i smiled and shook my head, "No," and chuckled.
Chucklehead nods. "Good. Because some people might have gotten upset."
And this stunned me. Because I thought he was saying someone would be upset that I was a veteran. And, like, it's been a long time since someone was upset with the simple fact of my being enlisted. I mean, this isn't the Viet Nam era, no one's accused me of being a baby killer. And for that matter, no one's accused me of being a drone pilot. But maybe he was referring to the whole 'invading for oil' thing. But i asked, "Why is that?"
And he pointed to the shirt and said, "Because being a veteran, some people take that seriously."
"I DO take it seriously," i said, still confused.
He shook his head. "Your shirt is making fun of veterans."
"No, I really don't think so..."
"Well, what would you say if a real veteran saw you wearing that shirt?"
"Ooooooooooooh!" I realize he thinks that only the Trek part of the shirt applies to me. "Well, a veteran DID see me wearing this shirt this morning."
"What did he say?"
"SHE said, 'Don't forget we need milk,' and i said, 'It's on the shopping list.' I'm not sure how the shirt affected the conversation...?"
He was confused for a second, I think because he had to shift gears on my wife being a vet. "It's disrespectful!" he insisted.
"I've been a veteran for 16 years. I've been a Trekker for 50." I left him gaping.

What the hell? Trekkers don't join the military?
I really wish i could introduce him to the Special Forces Brony i met online... His brain would pop with a little wet SPROINK! sound.
 
I got yelled at today for using inappropriate language last week at a training seminar for sailors in the submarine fleet.

I acknowledged that I used bad words but defended the practice because it's an important mnemonic.

See, there's one cabinet that has three different power supplies. One for something called MAPS, one for the missile's Flight Control Electronics and one for the missile's Guidance System.

Crews have complicated their troubleshooting efforts on numerous occasions because they get confused on which Power Supply is which. The arrangement in the cabinet is non-standard and they get it wrong.

So, I teach them the acronym we used to use to keep the order in mind: In order, M-F-G, Mother Fucking Guidance.
It's something sailors take to pretty easily.

Unfortunately, that was NOT the verbalizing that I got in trouble for.

The day before that, I explained excitation voltage as a 'go find out' signal, 'kind of like sending a nub to find out what movie's playing in the lounge.'

'Nub' was the term we used to designate a 'non-useful body.' Someone who hadn't completed sufficient qualifications to stand a watch or be left alone with the equipment. I was a Nub until I qualified, everyone I knew in my career was a nub at some point.

My boss received word from someone who was there and informed me that 'nub' is derogatory, and offensive, and people were offended when I used the term.

I find it hilarious that I dropped the F bomb about six times in two training sessions and got no complaints, and one 'nub' gets me thrown under the bus.

Of course, it's an important tactical point to remember to find out what you're apologizing for BEFORE you apologize. My boss was unaware that we regularly teach MFG in our presentations until I apologized for it...
 
A coworker wants to transfer up to my office to 'hang' with the training group.
I try to warn her that while we can reach high points of fun and frivolity, we can also dredge the depths of mean, depraved and vindictive.
And by Mean, i don't mean that we fart and are unembarrassed, I mean that someone accidentally reveals a fear and we file that away until we can lob it back at them.
And she insists, "I can be nasty!"
"Yes, I'm sure you CAN! But we're nasty habitually. It's not that we have the potential, it's that EVERY DAY we come to a point where someone has to ask, 'how on Earth did we get onto a topic THAT nasty THAT quickly?" But we then shrug and continue discussing, what was it today, the use of hot-sauce as spermicide for a real revenge fuck...


It's like when women talk about men and say 'Oh, we realize you always think about sex.' Um, no. You don't REALLY understand how often and how easily our minds turn to sex. We know this because if you did, you would NEVER stop hitting us.

Like, someone says 'Christmas' in a sentence.

Christmas reminds me of the houri dancer in the Nutcracker Suite and seeing a performance one Christmas with my mom and her friend who had definite MILF qualities and of the various playmates who pose for the December issue with a Christmas tree, or other seasonal decorations, and the January issue is published in December and it has the playmate review showing all 12 of the previous year's centerfolds in one issue and Missy Cleveland's (miss April 1979) birthday is 25 December, and 1979 was the year i actually stole my first copy of Playboy, because the one store in town that carried it was not going to sell it to me, and Miss March, Denise McConnell, stole my heart and remains my favorite playmate for all time which reminds me of the other 9 in my top ten and i turn to my wife and say, "Yeah, we gotta get the stockings out of the basement."
and Stockings reminds me of taking them off of that girl who lost the bet at the SCA party...
 
My mom has an active imagination.

We were talking and she remembers me trying to check out Conan books from the library.

I remember that by the time I was ten or eleven, i'd read everything i wanted to in the Children's section of the library, and all the Edgar Rice Burroughs books in our house. Mom suggested Conan and i trooped off to the library where they wouldn't check these books out to me, as i was so young.

Mom remembers getting a phone call from the chief harridan of the library, who complained that I was asking for books from the adult section. The old lady had tried to explain to me that there were adult messages in the story. "People die in the books," she said.
Reportedly, I said something about how people died in the Bible but they made me read that!
And that pretty much ended my attempts to check out books for myself.

I don't recall this conversation and it doesn't even sound like me. I wonder if Mom is confusing me with my smart-ass of a sister?
 
Keith&Co. said:
My mom has an active imagination.

We were talking and she remembers me trying to check out Conan books from the library.

I remember that by the time I was ten or eleven, i'd read everything i wanted to in the Children's section of the library, and all the Edgar Rice Burroughs books in our house. Mom suggested Conan and i trooped off to the library where they wouldn't check these books out to me, as i was so young.

Mom remembers getting a phone call from the chief harridan of the library, who complained that I was asking for books from the adult section. The old lady had tried to explain to me that there were adult messages in the story. "People die in the books," she said.
Reportedly, I said something about how people died in the Bible but they made me read that!
And that pretty much ended my attempts to check out books for myself.

I don't recall this conversation and it doesn't even sound like me. I wonder if Mom is confusing me with my smart-ass of a sister?
Click to expand...

My mother would have raised hell with any librarian that tried something like that with me at that age. At 11 I could have walked into the library of the local community college and checked out anything I wanted, although it would not have been anonymous as they would actually have shown up on my father's account.
 
They're on to me.

A coworker coughed and belched at the same time. Then he said, "Excuse me."

"No," I said.
"What?"
"I've decided not to excuse people on Tuesdays."
"But it's MONDAY!" he protested.

ANOTHER coworker interrupts with: "He KNOWS that. It's a set-up. You're supposed to point out that it's Monday, and he either apologizes and excuses you, or he says he's catching up for last Tuesday, or he'll say 'OH! Whoops, excuse me.' and then YOU get to say, 'No!' Or something like that!"

Loooooooooong silence.

"You know," I said, "Most places I've worked or been stationed, they don't GET my humor. No one's ever been able to anticipate it. I love you guys."
 
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https://www.egina.com/?page=10000&pid=499&currency=CHF&liste=nein&lan=en&country=ca

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Palau has released a half gram gold coin, a copy of a Roman coin featuring Caligula. Wheeeeeee!
Somehow, it seems so fitting for this day and age.
 
So i get oral surgery. They took out a tooth and implanted a piece of bone out of a cadaver (don't say 'corpse' or 'dead guy' at the dentist, they get upset). I was unable to feel that side of my face from about my eye socket to my throat. There was a huge piece of gauze in place as i went to the drug store to get my pain pills and antibiotics.
While i was there, I saw a coworker and his wife and kids. I didn't feel like being introduced while my mouth was half-dead and a quarter filled because he'd have to say 'This is Keith, he's not really stoopid.'

I went around them, didn't get noticed. Went to the bathroom. And looked in the mirror.
Not only was my cheek swollen, a tip of the gauze plug was poking out of my mouth.
And blood from the gauze was drooling down into my beard.

I told my coworker today that i managed to avoid frightening his kids.
He is upset that he didn't get the chance to say 'This is Keith. He's not really an axe murderer...."
 
A friend of mine volunteered to be a zombie for one of those zombie-obstacle course runs. Had real professional make up artists at the site. He had to sign a lease, one clause read that his make up would be removed afterwards and he would not leave the site made up. It seems that one of the zombie actors at a previous run caused a scene and an accident because he drove home with a (plastic) ax sticking out the back of his head with fake brains on his collar.
 
hyzer said:
A friend of mine volunteered to be a zombie for one of those zombie-obstacle course runs. Had real professional make up artists at the site. He had to sign a lease, one clause read that his make up would be removed afterwards and he would not leave the site made up. It seems that one of the zombie actors at a previous run caused a scene and an accident because he drove home with a (plastic) ax sticking out the back of his head with fake brains on his collar.
Click to expand...

I've heard of a guy getting stopped by a cop intending to give him a ticket. The cop saw how horrifically he was hurt and asked if he should call an ambulance. Reply: No, I'm fine--I just didn't take my makeup off after the performance. The original offense got forgotten.
 
Heard a lovely sentiment expressed in the supermarket. One guy to another, "That's when i started to refer to it as Kidnapping sex. I wasn't going to come across unless she offered proof of life."

I thought, there just has to be an anniversary card in there somewhere....
 
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