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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
One of Tiger's posts reminded me.

When my oldest was born, there were three new fathers in my office at Guided Missiles School. We all decided we were going to quit swearing. Came up with a list of words each of us wanted to stop using.
If someone caught you using them, it was a quarter in the swear jar. Purely voluntary.

Told the Chief we were doing this. He pulled out a $20, put that in the jar, "Tell me when that's fucking used up."



At the end of the first quarter, we thought we'd buy a round of drinks from the cafeteria with our accumulated funds. We took our office and all our students out to dinner and paid the bar tab with swear money. The next quarter we couldn't afford sodas for all the instructors. We'd stopped swearing almost completely.

It worked, not because it cost us money, but because you became VERY aware that everyone was watching every single word you said.

So, anyway, we noticed that we couldn't get anything done. Not in the Navy.
If you tell someone that you need a tool or support, and it's only 'Important,' but not 'FUCKING important,' you get prioritized down at the bottom of the list.
It's an expected intensity modifier that is used to judge importance.


So we all ended up having to consciously adopt our old patterns of fucking swearing at the goddamned bullshit cunts who owed us sockfucking tools, ass-wipe lab shifts, tit-ripping documentation, ball-sucking watchstanders or turd-blossoming watchbill trades.
A difficult learning curve, but we fucking persevered.
Click to expand...

It is official. I've been around too long...because I've heard this story of Keith's before. :)
 
Sajara said:
Keith&Co. said:
One of Tiger's posts reminded me.

When my oldest was born, there were three new fathers in my office at Guided Missiles School. We all decided we were going to quit swearing. Came up with a list of words each of us wanted to stop using.
If someone caught you using them, it was a quarter in the swear jar. Purely voluntary.

Told the Chief we were doing this. He pulled out a $20, put that in the jar, "Tell me when that's fucking used up."



At the end of the first quarter, we thought we'd buy a round of drinks from the cafeteria with our accumulated funds. We took our office and all our students out to dinner and paid the bar tab with swear money. The next quarter we couldn't afford sodas for all the instructors. We'd stopped swearing almost completely.

It worked, not because it cost us money, but because you became VERY aware that everyone was watching every single word you said.

So, anyway, we noticed that we couldn't get anything done. Not in the Navy.
If you tell someone that you need a tool or support, and it's only 'Important,' but not 'FUCKING important,' you get prioritized down at the bottom of the list.
It's an expected intensity modifier that is used to judge importance.


So we all ended up having to consciously adopt our old patterns of fucking swearing at the goddamned bullshit cunts who owed us sockfucking tools, ass-wipe lab shifts, tit-ripping documentation, ball-sucking watchstanders or turd-blossoming watchbill trades.
A difficult learning curve, but we fucking persevered.
Click to expand...

It is official. I've been around too long...because I've heard this story of Keith's before. :)
Click to expand...

Really? Sorry....











Did i tell it consistently?
 
On Facebook, I put my job as "Antifa bookkeeper and dispatcher," and some trumpy dipshits are getting all trumpy dipshit over it. They're like, "OH so if antifa is not really an organization, when why would they need a bookkeeper and dispatcher, hmmmm?"
smartmeme.png

You gotta get up early in the morning to pull one over on Nazi end times Q trump zealots. They're just too smart for us bumbling antifas!

Sajara said:
It is official. I've been around too long...because I've heard this story of Keith's before. :)
Click to expand...

That's ok because "fucking swearing, goddamned bullshit cunts, sockfucking tools, ass-wipe lab shifts, tit-ripping documentation, ball-sucking watchstanders, and turd-blossoming watchbill trades" are new and worthwhile embellishments.
 
Angry Floof said:
They're like, "OH so if antifa is not really an organization, when why would they need a bookkeeper and dispatcher, hmmmm?"
Click to expand...
So, no one's ever introduced themselves as having majored in underwater BB stacking or one-handed basket weaving?
Or employed as a narrator for bad mimes?
The Atheist Chaplain? (tried to get that on my evals)

Jeez, get out of the house some time.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Angry Floof said:
They're like, "OH so if antifa is not really an organization, when why would they need a bookkeeper and dispatcher, hmmmm?"
Click to expand...
So, no one's ever introduced themselves as having majored in underwater BB stacking or one-handed basket weaving?
Or employed as a narrator for bad mimes?
The Atheist Chaplain? (tried to get that on my evals)

Jeez, get out of the house some time.
Click to expand...

They're humorless as well as clueless.
 
Angry Floof said:
Keith&Co. said:
Angry Floof said:
They're like, "OH so if antifa is not really an organization, when why would they need a bookkeeper and dispatcher, hmmmm?"
Click to expand...
So, no one's ever introduced themselves as having majored in underwater BB stacking or one-handed basket weaving?
Or employed as a narrator for bad mimes?
The Atheist Chaplain? (tried to get that on my evals)

Jeez, get out of the house some time.
Click to expand...

They're humorless as well as clueless.
Click to expand...
It's an ideology-based deficiency. They think jokes are supposed to reinforce your POV, not challenge it. They just cannot process one mind holding two thoughts like
1) FACT: Antifa isn't a real 'thing' like Proud Boys or the People's Front of Judea
2) JOKE: Antifa is a thing, and requires recruitment officers and orientation courses
 
Keith&Co. said:
Angry Floof said:
They're humorless as well as clueless.
Click to expand...
It's an ideology-based deficiency. They think jokes are supposed to reinforce your POV, not challenge it. They just cannot process one mind holding two thoughts like
1) FACT: Antifa isn't a real 'thing' like Proud Boys or the People's Front of Judea
2) JOKE: Antifa is a thing, and requires recruitment officers and orientation courses
Click to expand...

And bookkeepers.
 
4FZJDkT.png

I hadn't thought any of my family were working these jobs at tge moment....

I mean, i usually say "Don't stare at the unmoving part of Mike's face, he's self conscious about the nerve damage!" ...then time how long until he shouts 'WHAT GOD DAMMIT?!!?
 
God, i hate family sometimes. The complications and entanglewhoocies.

My Sister In Law died.
She left money to her brother's kids, Alpha and Beta, and my kids, Charle, Delta, and Echo.

We know where my kids are. Each of them is getting an amount of money that could be used for downpayment on a house.

Alpha and Beta 's father is dead, and we have had no contact with either in about ten years. So, not sure how to tell them money is due them.
We might have a lead on where Beta was employed five years ago.
Which might allow contact.
He might know where his brother, Alpha, is.
But..... well, Alpha is getting about $2k.
We have NO IDEA what Beta did to my SIL, but he's only getting $5.00. Max. Maybe less after bills, taxes, probate...

No one involved with distributing the estate wants to be the one who tells Beta that, even to get Alpha's number....
 
It coulda been worse. My former boss had a wealthy uncle who left most of his estate to Oral Roberts. (He was convinced that God probably took his uncle and threw him like a dart into hell.)
 
So, there's a cabinet on the sub. No moving parts, nothing to adjust. Twice (at least) sailors have opened it up to see what's inside.

What's inside is the power to the security circuits on the missile tubes. So, in addition to the exposed wires and potential shock, there's a security violation.
I was tasked with creating a presentation to minimize future inspections while under a load.
The TL: DR of my presentation is "keep your dick-skinners out of the cabinet." Everyone at the Skype meeting approved of the theme.

My son had never heard the common Navy term: dickskinners. Asked if was real. If we had rabbis on board. This lead to a mention, in a different Skype meeting, which went horrible places, comparing a bris to an energized equipment work area. Makes the "rope man's" job WAY different.

So, after all said and done, told the story to my wife. Who somehow made it thru HER Navy career without hearing the term.
"This story is probably hilarious if you know what a dickskinner is."
"Hands."
She stared for a moment, then gestured as one masturbating a penis.
Exactly. Pretty much exactly how long it took Tallest to figure it out, too.
 
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Keith&Co. said:
So, there's a cabinet on the sub. No moving parts, nothing to adjust. Twice (at least) sailors have opened it up to see what's inside.

What's inside is the power to the security circuits on the missile tubes. So, in addition to the exposed wires and potential shock, there's a security violation.
I was tasked with creating a presentation to minimize future inspections while under a load.
The TL: DR of my presentation is "keep your dick-skinners out of the cabinet." Everyone at the Skype meeting approved of the theme.

My son had never heard the common Navy term: dickskinners. Asked if was real. If we had rabbis on board. This lead to a mention, in a different Skype meeting, which went horrible places, comparing a bris to an energized equipment work area. Makes the "rope man's" job WAY different.

So, after all said and done, told the story to my wife. Who somehow made it thru HER Navy career without hearing the term.
"This story is probably hilarious if you know what a dickskinner is."
"Hands."
She stared for a moment, then gestured as one masturbating a penis.
Exactly. Pretty much exactly how long it took Tallest to figure it out, too.
Click to expand...

Uhhh. I’m stunned you don’t have a sexual harassment complaint. Not a good term to use at work. Could come back to haunt you.
 
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