Why don't people report rape or sexual abuse/assault?

[Don2 (Don1 Revised)]

I was just reading an article about Lady Gaga saying she was raped when she was 19. She didn't tell anyone for 7 years.

Here is a link:
http://www.people.com/article/lady-gaga-opens-up-about-rape

When looking at comments below the article, the hateful, vitriolic comments, I can see that people's reactions to someone reporting it are a huge factor in victims not coming forward.

In Lady Gaga's case, she hasn't even publicly said who did it (at least in this article) which would only add another big layer to the backlash of reporting something.

Here are some of the comments:

Amazing how she didnt report. Seems to be a common theme among celebrities. Dont report it. Then claim it to get more exposure.

But you still pranced around in next to nothing and got famous for sex. I guess it's okay because now you can talk about it because now you see yourself as important enough.

<this comment was deleted> -- must have been really, really bad

Who would rape her? She's a butterface.

<this comment was deleted> -- must have been really, really bad

I bet she was a good f uck. She probably purrs when stroked

This was in response to someone else coming out as a result in a comment who said "I didn't heal for 10 years":

Wow 10 years? He must have had a huge pecker then.

It's usually the ugly fat chicks like Blue Eyed Bull that complains about rapes

:/ like you have anything to worry about

I would understand you more if you led a decent life. But to be in a violent perverted show that glorifies rape and violence, no sympathy for you.

Gaga is one of the biggest pervs in show business. I don't believe this crap.

C'mon I want more rape stories. Please give us all the details though.

She sure is making a lot of hay about an alleged experience she says she does not want to define her.

In response to someone coming out about being raped in the comments:

cry me a river. everyone has their own cross to bear

she looks like a child from a rape

Waaaa. What a crying baby. The guy who allegedly did it has a totally different story and it's far more believable than the one this fugly liar tells. Who would want her? Even drunk.
#deportgaga

her lifestyle is built around promiscuity, so it's hard for me to take her seriously on this topic.

Charles Barkley is the one who raped her. He needs his balls cut off like all Muslim black bastards.

I don't believe her. She's looking for attention.

she'll never be anything more than a skank who rode the gey coattails to money.

...and they go on and on...

 

[Derec]

Whether and not it happened (and neither I nor anyone else her has any way of knowing whether it did), the fact that her musical career is waning makes the timing of the allegations quite a bit suspect - it reeks of a publicity stunt.

 

[Nice Squirrel]

People don't report it because they don't immediately want to relive it and reactions like this.

Often the circumstances put part of the blame in the victim's mind. "I shouldn't have went there", "I did like him at first", "I should not have had that much to drink", "I should not have worn that", "If I had fought back more", etc...

They feel weak and vulnerable and do not want to expose their vulnerability or suffer shame.

 

[whichphilosophy]

Whether and not it happened (and neither I nor anyone else her has any way of knowing whether it did), the fact that her musical career is waning makes the timing of the allegations quite a bit suspect - it reeks of a publicity stunt.

Whatever it seems to reek of doesn't mean it is what we think it reeks of without the proper presentation of evidence. Most people are reluctant to report it either blaming themselves and often don't want others to know what happened to them. There are also some false claims but that does not exclude the fact there are genuine cases also.

 

[credoconsolans]

People don't report it because they don't immediately want to relive it and reactions like this.

Often the circumstances put part of the blame in the victim's mind. "I shouldn't have went there", "I did like him at first", "I should not have had that much to drink", "I should not have worn that", "If I had fought back more", etc...

They feel weak and vulnerable and do not want to expose their vulnerability or suffer shame.

Exactly. Most rapes are date/acquaintance rapes.

Think of the circumstances of dating. Eventually the woman is going to be alone with the man.

"Hey come over to my house and we'll pop popcorn and watch movies"

And trusting him, she goes, knowing full well, it's likely there will be difficulty with any jury to convict him for rape if he does indeed rape her.

"Hey, he didn't force her to go to his secluded house at the lake"
"Hey, she willingly wanted to be alone with him."
"Hey, is she dumb? Why did she think he wanted her there with him alone? She knew it was about sex."

 

[Don2 (Don1 Revised)]

Whether and not it happened (and neither I nor anyone else her has any way of knowing whether it did), the fact that her musical career is waning makes the timing of the allegations quite a bit suspect - it reeks of a publicity stunt.

Wow, your commentary fits right in there with the others.

 

[Derec]

Most people are reluctant to report it either blaming themselves and often don't want others to know what happened to them. There are also some false claims but that does not exclude the fact there are genuine cases also.

It could be true and the public sharing of the accusation could still be a publicity stunt. Those are not mutually exclusive.

 

[Nexus]

There's a big difference between reporting a rape to the authorities and publicly announcing it. I'm inclined to distrust anyone that doesn't report a rape to the police yet announces it to everyone else.

 

[fromderinside]

Why not report rape or incest?

First, boys just don't do that. Just not in sync with male stereotype and training. So that accounts for nearly 50% of the population and more than 35% of potential incidents. The reasons women don't do it have been adequately presented.

 

[fromderinside]

...... the fact that her musical career is waning .....

Yeah, that's the reason. There she is reduced to singing with Tony Bennett and making another bundle of money with an entirely newaudience. Shame.

Shit. She's been reduced to making million dollar commercials that are shown on family time air wave TV. How crass.

 

[Don2 (Don1 Revised)]

There's a big difference between reporting a rape to the authorities and publicly announcing it. I'm inclined to distrust anyone that doesn't report a rape to the police yet announces it to everyone else.

I'm not. Most people don't report it. So I would think that out of those "most people" that they eventually years later talk about it. That means they haven't pressed charges or if the right people hear about it and statutes of limitations are still within the limit, then perhaps someone might get charged. It's a lot like how when a catholic priest, bishop, cardinal or other official is in the news for molesting kids, then several 30-year olds will come out finally and tell how it happened to them, too. There are likely still some who haven't come out about it, but now they have a relatively safe-looking place to say something.

 

[Toni]

There's a big difference between reporting a rape to the authorities and publicly announcing it. I'm inclined to distrust anyone that doesn't report a rape to the police yet announces it to everyone else.

I know several victims of rape. At least two, I saw very soon after the time of their assault. Soon enough to see obvious bruises and fear. None even considered reporting. I've stopped a number of sexual assaults, including my own. I didn't report and neither did the other victims. In two of those cases, the victim was drunk enough not to have been very good a witness. One of those victims was me.

For those victims who did not report-which is all of them- the reasons were complex. A lot had to do with a kind of denial and minimization. For others, it was fear and dread of consequences. One was a friend who was raped by her husband. She didn't want their kids to know. She didn't want the publicity. They were both public figures in our community. For others, it involved dread of telling, of being identified as a rape victim, of not being believed. Of being blamed. Of harming family relationships or friendships. All of the assaults involved family or friend relationships. Most rapes do.

 

[thebeave]

Technically speaking, I've been the victim of both rape and assault several times in my life and have never reported it a single time. For example, I was on a business trip on my first job out of college. This was 1989. A bunch of us, male and female, were drinking at a pub on a Friday night at an Air Force base in New Mexico. Next thing I know, one of the fellow female contractors (who I only knew casually at the time) drags me out onto the dance floor, then starts kissing me...very passionately. A bit later, she's giving me oral sex in the front seat of my car in the parking lot. We were both tipsy (she more than me probably), but she was clearly the aggressor in all of this...I've always been more on the shy, reserved side. So, I guess I was the one who was raped, since it was only my "naughty bits" that were violated. Honestly, I didn't think of it as rape at the time, nor did she I'm pretty sure, and I really don't much think it is now. I have absolutely no ill will towards her. But, if I were asked on a survey, for example, I guess I would have to affirmatively answer "yes", if asked if I was ever raped, based on my understanding of the current definition of rape. But I would never report this incident, then or now. I don't feel harmed by the incident...at all. In fact, I kinda liked it! [Feels weird to say I liked getting raped!] If I were to have pushed the matter for some reason, she (or maybe I?) probably would have lost her job, maybe gone to court, been labeled for life as a sex offender, etc. Huge hassle, and everyone loses...me, her and the tax payer. So why would I report this rape? I've had many other instances where I've been grabbed (or kissed) inappropriately (i.e. sexual assault) by women at parties without my consent, etc. I suspect most people, men and women, have been through similar circumstances in their lives and have similar feelings with regard to reporting incidents of rape and sexual assaults.

 

[abaddon]

Technically speaking, I've been the victim of both rape and assault several times in my life and have never reported it a single time. For example, I was on a business trip on my first job out of college. This was 1989. A bunch of us, male and female, were drinking at a pub on a Friday night at an Air Force base in New Mexico. Next thing I know, one of the fellow female contractors (who I only knew casually at the time) drags me out onto the dance floor, then starts kissing me...very passionately. A bit later, she's giving me oral sex in the front seat of my car in the parking lot. We were both tipsy (she more than me probably), but she was clearly the aggressor in all of this...I've always been more on the shy, reserved side. So, I guess I was the one who was raped, since it was only my "naughty bits" that were violated. Honestly, I didn't think of it as rape at the time, nor did she I'm pretty sure, and I really don't much think it is now. I have absolutely no ill will towards her. But, if I were asked on a survey, for example, I guess I would have to affirmatively answer "yes", if asked if I was ever raped, based on my understanding of the current definition of rape. But I would never report this incident, then or now. I don't feel harmed by the incident...at all. In fact, I kinda liked it! [Feels weird to say I liked getting raped!] If I were to have pushed the matter for some reason, she (or maybe I?) probably would have lost her job, maybe gone to court, been labeled for life as a sex offender, etc. Huge hassle, and everyone loses...me, her and the tax payer. So why would I report this rape? I've had many other instances where I've been grabbed (or kissed) inappropriately (i.e. sexual assault) by women at parties without my consent, etc. I suspect most people, men and women, have been through similar circumstances in their lives and have similar feelings with regard to reporting incidents of rape and sexual assaults.

“But, if I were asked on a survey, for example, I guess I would have to affirmatively answer "yes", if asked if I was raped, based on my understanding of the current definition of rape.”

That’s scary news.

I don’t want to minimize the seriousness of rape. But then I don’t think what I’m about to say does so. I think it’s the thing you have said that minimizes its seriousness.

I don't understand how anyone can get so caught up in mere definitions.

When rape becomes just anything some people “define” it to be, then there’s good reason to doubt the surveys and statistics and want better, more true-to-reality definitions. The definition as a stand-alone item is just words. “Technically speaking” implies “in disregard of reality”. Whether it’s rape or not depends on the event, not on the “technicalities” created by mere words.

If we start making every sexual encounter where consent seems a bit dubious into “rape” then we minimize the awfulness of rape. And the statistics fail to reflect reality. So there’s good reason to doubt the surveys and the definition if people are going to do this “technically speaking” stuff.

 

[RavenSky]

From the article I just posted in the other thread:

Holtzclaw's case was among those examined in an Associated Press investigation of sexual misconduct by law enforcement.

The AP's yearlong probe revealed about 1,000 officers had lost their licenses for sex crimes or other sexual misconduct over a six-year period; many were never charged, let alone prosecuted.

"There's a natural tendency to believe the officer," said Joshua Marquis, the district attorney in Clatsop County, Oregon, who has prosecuted numerous cases against police, including some sexual offenses. "A lot of people have a hard time wrapping their head around the idea that they could ever do this."

The accused officer typically has no criminal background, passionate supporters often show up in the gallery, and juries may believe an officer's firing is punishment enough, Marquis said.

Meanwhile, their alleged victims often "are not sympathetic people" — they may have criminal records or don't testify convincingly.

"That's not an accident," he said. "All kinds of sex offenders, particularly intelligent ones, they pick their victims because they know they're less likely to be believed."

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/oklahoma-cops-rape-conviction-symbol-national-problem-35708284


This is talking specifically about police officer rapists, but it applies to non-police predators too.

 

[RavenSky]

Whether and not it happened (and neither I nor anyone else her has any way of knowing whether it did), the fact that her musical career is waning makes the timing of the allegations quite a bit suspect - it reeks of a publicity stunt.

^^^ another example of why women don't report rape

 

[Godless Raven]

Whether and not it happened (and neither I nor anyone else her has any way of knowing whether it did), the fact that her musical career is waning makes the timing of the allegations quite a bit suspect - it reeks of a publicity stunt.

So...you thought...someone should write tell-all details about themselves before they are famous, rather than the traditional way that every other celebrity does it by writing after people know who you are and you've established yourself? That's a rather strange way of thinking...

 

[Godless Raven]

I was just reading an article about Lady Gaga saying she was raped when she was 19. She didn't tell anyone for 7 years.

Here is a link:
http://www.people.com/article/lady-gaga-opens-up-about-rape

When looking at comments below the article, the hateful, vitriolic comments, I can see that people's reactions to someone reporting it are a huge factor in victims not coming forward.

In Lady Gaga's case, she hasn't even publicly said who did it (at least in this article) which would only add another big layer to the backlash of reporting something.

Here are some of the comments:

But you still pranced around in next to nothing and got famous for sex. I guess it's okay because now you can talk about it because now you see yourself as important enough.

<this comment was deleted> -- must have been really, really bad

Who would rape her? She's a butterface.

<this comment was deleted> -- must have been really, really bad

I bet she was a good f uck. She probably purrs when stroked

This was in response to someone else coming out as a result in a comment who said "I didn't heal for 10 years":

Wow 10 years? He must have had a huge pecker then.

It's usually the ugly fat chicks like Blue Eyed Bull that complains about rapes

:/ like you have anything to worry about

I would understand you more if you led a decent life. But to be in a violent perverted show that glorifies rape and violence, no sympathy for you.

Gaga is one of the biggest pervs in show business. I don't believe this crap.

C'mon I want more rape stories. Please give us all the details though.

She sure is making a lot of hay about an alleged experience she says she does not want to define her.

In response to someone coming out about being raped in the comments:

cry me a river. everyone has their own cross to bear

she looks like a child from a rape

Waaaa. What a crying baby. The guy who allegedly did it has a totally different story and it's far more believable than the one this fugly liar tells. Who would want her? Even drunk.
#deportgaga

her lifestyle is built around promiscuity, so it's hard for me to take her seriously on this topic.

Charles Barkley is the one who raped her. He needs his balls cut off like all Muslim black bastards.

I don't believe her. She's looking for attention.

she'll never be anything more than a skank who rode the gey coattails to money.

...and they go on and on...

These comments are so fucking disturbing. Ughhhh....

I've witnessed it live many times, but it's exponentially worse online...one freak with no moral compass says something horrible about another person, then some other piece of shit cunt thinks it's perfectly fine to act as depraved as they can and it just keeps getting lower and lower. I'd like to line this squad of fuckfaces up and punch every ne of them in the balls as hard as I can.

 

[RavenSky]

There's a big difference between reporting a rape to the authorities and publicly announcing it. I'm inclined to distrust anyone that doesn't report a rape to the police yet announces it to everyone else.

Whether you are "inclined to distrust" it, I can tell you from personal knowledge that it is far easier to talk about it in general terms many years after the fact than it is to immediately re-live the sexual assault at the police station, at the hospital, and throughout the court process with people calling you a liar and a slut while you are still traumatized.

In all honesty, and I suspect I can speak here for all rape and sexual assault survivors, we really don't give a shit what you are "inclined" to think on this subject. You weren't the one raped.

- - - Updated - - -

There's a big difference between reporting a rape to the authorities and publicly announcing it. I'm inclined to distrust anyone that doesn't report a rape to the police yet announces it to everyone else.

...It's a lot like how when a catholic priest, bishop, cardinal or other official is in the news for molesting kids, then several 30-year olds will come out finally and tell how it happened to them, too. There are likely still some who haven't come out about it, but now they have a relatively safe-looking place to say something.

^^^ a very very good analogy

 

[Nexus]

For others, it was fear and dread of consequences. One was a friend who was raped by her husband. She didn't want their kids to know. She didn't want the publicity. They were both public figures in our community. For others, it involved dread of telling, of being identified as a rape victim, of not being believed. Of being blamed. Of harming family relationships or friendships. All of the assaults involved family or friend relationships. Most rapes do.

All of these are understandable reasons for not going to the police. But my initial post was about people that don't go to the police YET make the rape know publicly. Those are the people I'm skeptical of. I would understand someone going public first if their attacker(s) were police, a judge or district attorney.