Words you do NOT want in your obituary

[bigfield]

"A restaurant patron made the grisly discovery hours later..."

 

[Thomas II]

...army ants bivouac...

 

[gmbteach]

.....death by asparagus spears.....



Apparently those things grow FAST!

 

[Keith&Co.]

Rubber spider

Friction motor spider

Gummy spider

Aragog action figure

Shelob action figure

honeycomb spider Halloween decoration

"...neighborhood kids thought the screaming was hilarious..."

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

Snake pit
Brown bear
Puma
Drunken prank gone wrong

 

[ZiprHead]

"... and just as the trebuchet released the massive pumpkin..."

 

[gmbteach]

 

[4321lynx]

"... praised as a good friend by both Donald Trump and ex-congressman Wiener..."

 

[bigfield]

"...suffocated while apparently attempting to swallow a whole bratwurst.'

'...entire...intact in his colon...doctors are baffled.'

'"It's not often that we see something that surprises us", said an ER nurse who was on duty at the time.'

 

[spikepipsqueak]

" ... buckets of snot."

Dobermans.

" ... septic tank ..."

Military drone.

 

[Thomas II]

................Candirú..................

 

[ZiprHead]

"... with the priest's penis still in his mouth."

 

[Keith&Co.]

Man, I don't even want 'priest' in my obituary, much less.... Eugh.

- - - Updated - - -

"...gag reflex..."

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

"... ballgag and handcuffs ..."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... bet all he had against the Cubs ..."

 

[Keith&Co.]

...bondage dungeon...
...an unsuspected bondage dungeon built in his...
...neighbors had grown blasé about the sounds emanating from...
...a neighbor's bondage dungeon...
...a neighbor discovered...
...a neighbor investigated the smell...

 

[ZiprHead]

"... last words were 'Party on, dude!' Then he stepped into a telephone booth and vanished."

 

[Wiploc]

"... nitrous oxide, while holding the can the wrong way up."

 

[gmbteach]

...with extraordinary amounts of nutmeg in the system....

...with a furball lodged in the throat....

 

[Elixir]

... Gashadokuro ...

...bondage dungeon...
...an unsuspected bondage dungeon built in his...
...neighbors had grown blasé about the sounds emanating from...
...a neighbor's bondage dungeon...
...a neighbor discovered...
...a neighbor investigated the smell...

I'm starting to suspect that the neighbor did it.