Words you do NOT want in your obituary

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... Valiant struggle ..."

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"... Turkish prison ..."

"... Russian mob ..."

"... Donald Trump ..."

 

[spikepipsqueak]

"required a crane"

"some assembly required"

"Mourners are reminded not to approach the coffin without donning the Hazmat gear provided."

"Emaciated"

"Indigent"

"RetrIeved"

 

[ZiprHead]

"purple"

 

[Keith&Co.]

"...attempts at treatment were hampered by the remaining explosives..."

 

[Thomas II]

"Everest" "irretrievable"

 

[thebeave]

..."his 13 cats were observed nibbling...."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

I messed up; I meant to post:

"... President Trump ..."

 

[Keith&Co.]

My wife just read to me a news article where a guy's wife AND his girlfriend both wrote obituaries for him. They were published side by side in the paper...

Yeah, i don't want that, either.

In fact, if 'girlfriend' is going to appear in my obituary, it will probably be connected to the cause of my death, and the violence inherent in my demise... Mrs. &Co. has never been one for sharing.

 

[wally]

"turkey baster"

 

[Tigers!]

He had no enemies and none of his friends liked him.

 

[dendrast]

To which he replied, "Sure, why not?"

 

[Keith&Co.]

"...after he said: 'And if I'm wrong, may God strike me dead,' which quote has been confirmed by all the survivors."

 

[Kharakov]

lol

 

[+or-1]

"Fox News reports..."

 

[Sajara]

"...tentacles..."

 

[bilby]

...spent his last day cleaning the house and washing the cars...

 

[GenesisNemesis]

"He died a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible death."

 

[Keith&Co.]

"...the first decapitation recorded by Google Maps..."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... Swirlie ended badly ..."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

" ...cut the blue wire by mistake ..."

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"... unsuccessful penis transplant ..."