Words you do NOT want in your obituary

[prideandfall]

So you don't want an obituary as much as a status update so people won't get upset waiting for you to reply to their emails.

heh yeah that sounds about right.

as much as i rationally understand that once i'm dead it won't matter, while i'm alive the idea of being remembered horrifies me so much that it's upsetting near to the point of preoccupation.

 

[Earl IV]

...flesh eating virus

or, this classic:

...who apparently, despite blood loss, was still alive when the hogs began to eat him

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

The remains were scraped up...

...so much semen...

First recorded time ever that...

Is survived by Glen Beck.

 

[ZiprHead]

"sponge"

 

[Coleman Smith]

various black bags.
Trash dumpster.

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"He needed killin'."

 

[Learner]

special thanks to cheapaschipsfunerals.com

 

[Achwienichtig]

" . . . After it was revealed he voted for Donald Trump."

 

[ZiprHead]

"... was revealed to be a parrot."

"expanded to twice its normal size."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... Septic tank drowning..."

"... After his humiliating loss to a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest ..."

"We all thought it was part of the act."

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

"... still searching for his head and genitals ..."

 

[ZiprHead]

Last words were "Here, hold my beer. Watch this!"

 

[spikepipsqueak]

"...continues to haunt onlookers."


Concrete.

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... leper colony ..."

"... complete review of all NASCAR spectator safety measures ..."

"... first Kraken sighting in 4,000 years ..."

 

[iolo]

'generally known as the last....'

 

[spikepipsqueak]

"... ravenous ..."

Widespread derision.

 

[ZiprHead]

"The bear was later trapped and relocated."

 

[Thomas II]

"...stain cleaner..."

 

[jonatha]

And there was much rejoicing

 

[Sajara]

And there was much rejoicing

[Flatly] yaaay