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Things that make you laugh...

Youngest shared his daily allotment of trivia at dinner.

"YOu know what natives of the Isle of Man are called?"
"No."
"Manx!"
"Ah. Like a Manx cat," says I.
"A what?" he asked.
"Ah, well, thereby hangs a tail," i reply.

My wife threw a stale bagel at me.
She missed, but when the joke was explained to him, youngest recovered the bagel and threw it much more accurately.
 
The boss joked that our office should have a 'Days since last HR complaint' sign, see if we can ever get to three digits.
'Zero is a digit' is not an appropriate response.

So I'm going to create a 'Days since last HR complaint: 103' sign

And in one color ink, cross out 'days' and write 'hours.'

And then in a second color, cross out all the text to write, 'Now serving #103'
 
So, like three times this week, driving home after work, i ran past my Tallest son at the bus stop. He works in theatre and was on the way TO work. I offered him a ride each time, but he preferred riding the bus. Probably so he could finish his cigarette...

The third time, i found that the wife had washed some trousers of sensitive fabrics and hung them in the shower. I helped her fold them. Then we went out to dinner.


A coworker asked how my week was going.

"Can't complain," i said. "I couldn't pick up a gay guy at the bus stop all week, but when i went home, my wife let me take her knickers down. Then we ate out..."

He ran.

Guy at the next cubicle just said, "I think he meant your week at work."
"Then he should have SAID so."
 
Elixir said:
Keith&Co. said:
driving home after work, i ran
Click to expand...

I started laughing right there, and didn't stop until the end...
Click to expand...
You must love Idaho idiom, then.

"Sitting there." A term indicating innocence, minding one's own business; despite the wording, this phrase is completely divorced from physical activity.

"I was just sittin' there, joggin' down Old County Road, and this guy..."
"So we all jump out of the plane, and i'm just sitting there with my hand on the rip cord when..."
"So we're all part of the search party, I'm sitting there, beating the bushes with a stick, and i hear..."
 
Am I being paranoid or does His Flatulence's obsession run very, very deep? :)

Today I was told by a government guy that there is no pee.

(In context it actually made sense and after saying it he said that didn't come out like he intended. He was actually referring to the letter.)
 
Keith&Co. said:
The boss joked that our office should have a 'Days since last HR complaint' sign, see if we can ever get to three digits.
'Zero is a digit' is not an appropriate response.
So I'm going to create a 'Days since last HR complaint: 103' sign
And in one color ink, cross out 'days' and write 'hours.'
And then in a second color, cross out all the text to write, 'Now serving #103'
Click to expand...
Apparently, it is WRONG for one to 'make light' of HR Complaints.

When one is being chewed out for creating a sign that 'makes light' of HR complaints, it is WRONG to point out that it was created in response to someone ELSE joking about HR complaints.

It is exceedingly WRONG to use 2nd person pronouns in this defense, to wit: "YOU started it!" or "I wouldn't have made light of shit if YOU hadn't made light of (etc., etc. and downhill from there)."
 
Why is there a ritual connected to trying to find my lead?

There are 5 cubicles between the door of Fleet Training and her office. Everyone that comes into our office and states they’re looking for C., they all keep walking after we say… Well, anything.
“She’s out.”
“She’ll be back next week.”
"She's off-site, working on a document for our glorious masters."
“She’s annexing the Sudetenland.”
“She had to evacuate.”

They just continue to the point where they can look in her office. And see that the lights are off. And that there’s an inflated gummy bear in her chair.
Wearing a Wonder Woman cape.
Only then do they appear to believe us… Or acknowledge our replies to their stated intentions…

Now I could see someone who knows me blowing ME off, or blowing off the Sudetenland reply, but EVERYONE? Total strangers and coworkers always walk all the way in, to the same spot on the carpet, each and every time.

Can't understand why they don't turn around when told 'she's out.' Does it not COUNT if you don't see her desk or something?
 
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