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Things that make you laugh...

So, I'm told that it's 'obvious' that office fans are not provided for the purpose of spreading glitter.

Pointing out that they were actually sprinkles made for decorating cupcakes did not improve the situation....
 
Roy Moore's approval numbers have dropped into the 30's.

Some of his supporters are worried that if it ever drops into the teens, he'll really screw it.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So, I'm told that it's 'obvious' that office fans are not provided for the purpose of spreading glitter.

Pointing out that they were actually sprinkles made for decorating cupcakes did not improve the situation....
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I'm surprised those managed much distance. They're surprisingly dense...
 
jonatha said:
Keith&Co. said:
So, I'm told that it's 'obvious' that office fans are not provided for the purpose of spreading glitter.

Pointing out that they were actually sprinkles made for decorating cupcakes did not improve the situation....
Click to expand...

I'm surprised those managed much distance. They're surprisingly dense...
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it may have been staged to LOOK like the fan spread them across the cubicles...
maybe...
 
Due to reasons, i had to take mywife's car to work. She drives a stick. I drive an automatic, but i grew up in stickshift cars.
So though i'm out of practice, i adapted quickly. On the way to the post office, i even managed to stop on a hill, moving again without stalling. So i was patting myself on the back for retaining those skills though my last three cars were all automatic.
Then i came out of the post office and walked past my wife's car three times, looking for MY car, muttering, 'where the FUCK did i park?'
 
Oy. A coworker is having difficulty with the program he's working on. Between physical and administrative limitations, he's describing this program as 'a total abortion.'

I take issue with that. At this point, an abortion is a relatively safe procedure, commonly performed quite adequately many times each day by accomplished professionals. I suggested that maybe he should start referring to the NWS program as 'a total electoral college' or 'a total 2013 government shutdown.'

He has tripped offline.

He is now ranting about how Roe vs. Wade is based upon a lie, activist judges, Obamacare death panels and I don't know what all... I have to go tell my boss I think I broke Joey.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Oy. A coworker is having difficulty with the program he's working on. Between physical and administrative limitations, he's describing this program as 'a total abortion.'

I take issue with that. At this point, an abortion is a relatively safe procedure, commonly performed quite adequately many times each day by accomplished professionals. I suggested that maybe he should start referring to the NWS program as 'a total electoral college' or 'a total 2013 government shutdown.'

He has tripped offline.

He is now ranting about how Roe vs. Wade is based upon a lie, activist judges, Obamacare death panels and I don't know what all... I have to go tell my boss I think I broke Joey.
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You know what gets me? They use the word "Bork" as a verb because Robert Bork was denied a seat on the Supreme Court, which Republicans think it's completely unfair. So "that's borked" means someone was treated unfairly in some way just like Robert Bork was wronged.

Of course the reason he was rejected was because of what he did during Nixon's  Saturday night massacre.

Bork proved himself shockingly partisan and openly against the interests of justice, not traits any sane person wants in a Supreme Court Justice.
 
So, we've got a field office in Kings Bay, Georgia, on the sub base.
Someone from that office has come up to our office, here in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, for reasons.
A guy in my office was just wondering if the field guy was in the building yet.
"I dunno," I said. "I mean, he's probably still on Georgia time." I was joking about how guys from our field office in Bangor, Washington, are always dragging through the mornings, here, due to the three hour time difference.
"Oh! That's right!" he acknowledges. Then starts trying to figure out the time difference between Massachusetts and Georgia...
And after six minutes, finally told me to fuck off.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So, we've got a field office in Kings Bay, Georgia, on the sub base.
Someone from that office has come up to our office, here in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, for reasons.
A guy in my office was just wondering if the field guy was in the building yet.
"I dunno," I said. "I mean, he's probably still on Georgia time." I was joking about how guys from our field office in Bangor, Washington, are always dragging through the mornings, here, due to the three hour time difference.
"Oh! That's right!" he acknowledges. Then starts trying to figure out the time difference between Massachusetts and Georgia...
And after six minutes, finally told me to fuck off.
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Ah, yes...SWFLANT. Never went there, but I did go to POMFLANT once for C4. Is that place even still around, or has it been mothballed?

Also went to Pittsfield once for a meeting. GEOS (General Electric Ordnance Systems) had their office there and (at the time) was a subcontractor for the GEA during D5 development. Are they still around?
 
thebeave said:
Ah, yes...SWFLANT. Never went there, but I did go to POMFLANT once for C4. Is that place even still around, or has it been mothballed?
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Mothballed. The D5 missile is all that's out there right now, and only at SWFLANT or SWFPAC.
Also went to Pittsfield once for a meeting.
Click to expand...
Sorry. Hope it was at least during the summer?
GEOS (General Electric Ordnance Systems) had their office there and (at the time) was a subcontractor for the GEA during D5 development. Are they still around?
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GEOS is now General Dynamics Mission Systems. Never heard of GEA. I assume that either we or Lockheed ate them
 
Keith&Co. said:
Mothballed. The D5 missile is all that's out there right now, and only at SWFLANT or SWFPAC. Sorry. Hope it was at least during the summer?
GEOS (General Electric Ordnance Systems) had their office there and (at the time) was a subcontractor for the GEA during D5 development. Are they still around?
Click to expand...
GEOS is now General Dynamics Mission Systems. Never heard of GEA. I assume that either we or Lockheed ate them
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Nope, it was winter, snowy and cold. GEA= Guidance Electronics Assembly, aka EA.

So as not to derail the Things That Make You Laugh, this exchange reminded me of a story told by a GEOS engineer I was working with on a D5 EMP test. He said he and some other guys were working in a small environmental test lab doing some tests on some hardware (not sure even if it was D5 or even SLBM hardware...my memory is fuzzy here). One of the techs farted in the middle of a test, and it was REALLY foul. So bad, that everyone had to evacuate the lab for 1/2 hour or so. Unfortunately, someone forgot to abort the test before leaving, and ended up destroying the test item. In such situations, the lab manager has to write up a report detailing how the equipment was damaged. Not wanting to disclose the tomfoolery that really went on, he wrote something like, "There was an unintentional release of high levels of CH4 & Sulfur gas in the lab that required immediate evacuation of personnel. As a result, the test went on too long, leading to overexposure and destruction of the test item.". Management apparently accepted that explanation as the matter was never brought up again. I think the lab manager figured the management bean counters who got the report wouldn't know what CH4 and Sulfur gas was. They probably figured it was a natural gas leak, or some other bottled gas used in the testing process.
 
thebeave said:
Nope, it was winter, snowy and cold.
Click to expand...
Oh, so some time between October and May? Sorry.
GEA= Guidance Electronics Assembly, aka EA.
Click to expand...
Oh, Yea, we still have that.

We recently got to tour the building where they assemble, repair, and test the guidance systems. Now, I've been working with this equipment for 37 years. I considered myself knowledgeable about guidance, the parts and their uses. Five minutes into the tour, I started to worry that there would be a test at the end.
 
WIFE'S DIARY:


Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home I told him I loved him. I'm almost sure his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.




HUSBAND'S DIARY:


A two-foot putt.... who the hell misses a two-foot putt!?!?

 
RULES FOR THE OFFICE were posted a few months back.

My manager read the first three and assumed they were all standard and thought nothing more about them.

1. Enter your time daily. Charge work to the appropriate contract to the nearest six minutes.
2. Turn off the lights and monitors at your desk when done for the day.
3. Turn off the office lights if no one else remains at the end of the day.
4. Do not tie up interns and leave them for the coyotes. We do not have coyotes.
5. Do not leave classified materials unattended.
6. Do not leave proprietary materials unattended.
7. Do not leave food unattended. That's how you get coyotes.
8. There is a limit of 15 balloons per person in all occupied space.
9. Unoccupied spaces have no 'per person' value, so there is no per person limit. Use your best judgment or whatever else is available. Note that the offices of people on vacation do not qualify as unoccupied.
10. Do not accuse submariners of superstition in their practices. You'll get left for the coyotes.
11. Any food or food-like substance with an aftertaste lasting more than 45 minutes shall be labeled with a warning.
12. Report workplace violence to Security at extension 5555. Unless they fill Christine's office with balloons again, then use your best judgment.
13. Own your farts. Especially if they are of a quality to repel the coyotes.


So, manager didn't read the full list, was unprepared for HIS boss to enter his office, laughing, and say, "So, tell me about the coyotes."
 
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