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Things that make you laugh...

skepticalbip

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We're in a suburb of Philadelphia, collecting keepers from my sister-in-law's estate (and boxing a zillion books for donations).
We break for lunch and decide on Popeye's. I kniw there's a Popeye's within 5 miles of Martha's house.
I ask the GPS for nearest.
It asks if i want Popeye's # 439.
I don't care what number corporate assigned, i want the one on Ridge ave. I say g'head.
It calculates a path an d starts with the directions.
Ridge Ave is not on the directions. At all.
Mostly freeways, matter of fact.
I investigate further.
I want lunch, NEAR MY CURRENT LOCATION. The GPS gives me a 4.5-hour trip to Pittsburgh. 273 miles away.

Wife comes out to the car.
'Wanna see something weird?' I show her the display.
'Ridge ave,' she reads, 'fifteen minutes away. Not so weird. Lots of tiny little roads, weird traffic...'
'No! Pittsburgh! It said Pittsburgh! It gave me directions to the other end of the state!'
'Why would it do that?'
'I dunno! It was the only restaurant it offered! Until right now!'
'Uh huh.'
'No, really!'
'Can we go eat?'
'........Yeah, i guess.'
See. That is why men don't ask for directions. That job requires a woman's touch.
 

Hermit

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What the goddamned fuck, internet?

Okay, so, in the 70's, i was a big fan of the TV show "When Things Were Rotten." I always understood it to be a Mel Brooks production.
I'm reading his memoirs, All About Me. There's no WTWR chapter. Get Smart, Producers, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles....
Huh. Maybe i was wrong about WTWR?
To the google! In the middle of the Get Smart chapter, i go looking.

I can't find anything that actually connects Mel Brooks to the show. I found ONE site that reviewed it 'with humor in the style of Mel Brooks.' Was that what i was thinking? Did my brain just bridge some jokes and ascribe something illicitly?
WEird. Okay, well, all these years i was wrong.

I turned the page in the memoirs. He lists actors he used in Get Smart, "...and then when i made When Things Were Rotten, i hired him again..."

Son of a fuck!?!?

Back to google. Same search term.
"Mel Brooks' lampoon of..."
"A short-lived Mel Brooks sitcom...."
"...based on Robin Hood's legend, Mel Brooks..."

And of course, 'humor in the style of Mel Brooks.' Well, no SHIT it's in his style. He could junk everything, take meth, and make a Lovecraft Musical and it'd be in Mel Brooks' style.

What the ever loving hell is going on? The internet decided to gaslight me for one hour?
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Or maybe you're just no good at searching. ;)

The credits at the start of each episode list Brooks as the show's creator. IMDB lists him as its creator as well. IMDB also mentions him as executive producer of one episode and lists him as a writer of all 13.

Back to "things that make you laugh". Tucker Carlson whinges that M&Ms are no longer sexy.



Gets mocked for his weird peccadillo. Here is one example:

38tw9rkzwgd81.png
 

Keith&Co.

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Picking up dinner at the restaurant next to the hotel.
A family with other adults is dining near the waiting area.
Baby about 6 months old on Mommy's lap wants to have what they're having. They give her tiny slivers of food. Just like my kids used to, she tries it on the left side of her tongue, then the right, then spits it down onto the bib. Bite after bite, swish, swash, spush.
Until they give her a pea. She goes Olympic. Spits that thing out, pops it across the table, hits another woman in the face, pea drops to her plate.
The woman isn't sure which pea is the offender, stops eating her veggies. Mom apologizes. The two adult men laugh. The kids giggle. The brother thinks this is the coolest thing the baby has done in her entire life.
Mom catches him spooning all his peas onto a butter plate, to feed them to the baby. Mom angry. Dad and other husband start discussing what distances the baby might be capable of....

I got my order and left before they decided what to call this sport besides PopPea, or what.
 

Keith&Co.

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Work has mounted big-screen TVs all thru the plant. Every entrance, every major intersection, the odd corner...
Can't go anywhere without seeing a PSA. Like the location of smoke shacks assembly areas, know your evacuation path (with an example map for evacuating the Safety Department's Office), symbols of HAZMAT, security classifications, and proper posture at the desk.
They chose to portray a woman at her desk for posture. A cartoon drawing of a seated woman in profile.
Proper posture requires high heels, i see, but the benefit this gives your bust cannot be ignored. Those pyramids jut out firmly, enhancing her sweater.
No one wants to discuss the heels or the breast size resembling early Lara Croft. But, wow, say, 'Man, she is hot!' in the wrong part of the building and HR personnel run, actually run into the hall to talk about it. Not about the figure, of course, just SOMEone's insensitive reaction to, oh, it's you. Why aren't you working from home? Weren't you working from home?
 

skepticalbip

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Work has mounted big-screen TVs all thru the plant. Every entrance, every major intersection, the odd corner...
Can't go anywhere without seeing a PSA. Like the location of smoke shacks assembly areas, know your evacuation path (with an example map for evacuating the Safety Department's Office), symbols of HAZMAT, security classifications, and proper posture at the desk.
They chose to portray a woman at her desk for posture. A cartoon drawing of a seated woman in profile.
Proper posture requires high heels, i see, but the benefit this gives your bust cannot be ignored. Those pyramids jut out firmly, enhancing her sweater.
No one wants to discuss the heels or the breast size resembling early Lara Croft. But, wow, say, 'Man, she is hot!' in the wrong part of the building and HR personnel run, actually run into the hall to talk about it. Not about the figure, of course, just SOMEone's insensitive reaction to, oh, it's you. Why aren't you working from home? Weren't you working from home?
Of course the response to HR should be, "Hey, I'm not the one that put up that overly sexualized image of a female."
 
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thebeave

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Work has mounted big-screen TVs all thru the plant. Every entrance, every major intersection, the odd corner...
Can't go anywhere without seeing a PSA. Like the location of smoke shacks assembly areas, know your evacuation path (with an example map for evacuating the Safety Department's Office), symbols of HAZMAT, security classifications, and proper posture at the desk.
They chose to portray a woman at her desk for posture. A cartoon drawing of a seated woman in profile.
Proper posture requires high heels, i see, but the benefit this gives your bust cannot be ignored. Those pyramids jut out firmly, enhancing her sweater.
No one wants to discuss the heels or the breast size resembling early Lara Croft. But, wow, say, 'Man, she is hot!' in the wrong part of the building and HR personnel run, actually run into the hall to talk about it. Not about the figure, of course, just SOMEone's insensitive reaction to, oh, it's you. Why aren't you working from home? Weren't you working from home?
The old software on the self checkout machines at Home Depot (and other places, I presume) used to show an animation of a woman using the machine. She was built like Lara Croft. I figured some horny, video game playing 20-something software geek must have designed her. She is missing from the latest version of self checkout software. I guess they recently put some feminist in charge at that software company. :flooffrown:
 

Keith&Co.

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Saw a Rubik's Cube today. Reminded me of the violent 70s. Bloody violent.

Used to be, you could unscrew one side of a Cube, and 26 sides fell out of the center.
Clever people would screw up a cube, take it out of the room, and bring it back, 'solutioned.' "Did it!"


Low hanging fruit.


I used to take two cubes apart, mix the parts and assemble one. Then i would wait until someone bragged, "I've gotten so good at the Cube, i can solve it within 10 minutes (or whatever)."
"Well, I studied the math. I figured out how to mix the cube up in a way that it can NOT be solved."
They scoffed always. Sometimes there was a wager.
"Ha! What you wanna bet?"

Sometimes it took them quite a while to realize there were 6 blue faces or 12 yellows or whatever....

God, i got beat up a lot in the violent 70s. Not by the nerds who couldn't solve it, but by the people who had made bets on their prowess. They got maaaaaad!
 

bilby

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Saw a Rubik's Cube today. Reminded me of the violent 70s. Bloody violent.

Used to be, you could unscrew one side of a Cube, and 26 sides fell out of the center.
Clever people would screw up a cube, take it out of the room, and bring it back, 'solutioned.' "Did it!"


Low hanging fruit.


I used to take two cubes apart, mix the parts and assemble one. Then i would wait until someone bragged, "I've gotten so good at the Cube, i can solve it within 10 minutes (or whatever)."
"Well, I studied the math. I figured out how to mix the cube up in a way that it can NOT be solved."
They scoffed always. Sometimes there was a wager.
"Ha! What you wanna bet?"

Sometimes it took them quite a while to realize there were 6 blue faces or 12 yellows or whatever....

God, i got beat up a lot in the violent 70s. Not by the nerds who couldn't solve it, but by the people who had made bets on their prowess. They got maaaaaad!
If you take a single block from the middle of one side, rotate it 180°, and replace it, the cube becomes unsolvable, despite still having the same number of each coloured square.
 

Keith&Co.

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The company website encourages us to be willing to asdk for help.

I never ask for help. I fend help off. Everyone's knocking off for the day, i have two hours work ahead.
Guys i know and trust say, 'What are you doing?' And 'Can we help?'
No, i say, it's easier for me to do it thgan to explain what i need in way of support.


No, it's not. I'm spellchecking acronyms. Making sure the first time it's used in a lesson, it's expained. And correctly. The Preventive Maintenance Management Plan [PMMP] is, in various places, spelled out as:
  • Preventative or Prevention
  • Maintainer or Maintaining
  • Manager or Mangement (what the fuck is mangement? Treating a dog that's lost fur? The plan for treatment? Who writes this garbage)
  • Program or Planning
I do this alone because that way, right or wrong, they are at least consistent.
I belive they got this way because too many hands make a sort of game of misheard song lyrics.
Or nostalgia.
"But my first chief always called it 'Program.' Not 'Plan.'
Well, your first chief molests collies and xmells of elderberries.. Shut up and sit back, hands off the keyboard.
 

Loren Pechtel

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Saw a Rubik's Cube today. Reminded me of the violent 70s. Bloody violent.

Used to be, you could unscrew one side of a Cube, and 26 sides fell out of the center.
Clever people would screw up a cube, take it out of the room, and bring it back, 'solutioned.' "Did it!"


Low hanging fruit.


I used to take two cubes apart, mix the parts and assemble one. Then i would wait until someone bragged, "I've gotten so good at the Cube, i can solve it within 10 minutes (or whatever)."
"Well, I studied the math. I figured out how to mix the cube up in a way that it can NOT be solved."
They scoffed always. Sometimes there was a wager.
"Ha! What you wanna bet?"

Sometimes it took them quite a while to realize there were 6 blue faces or 12 yellows or whatever....

God, i got beat up a lot in the violent 70s. Not by the nerds who couldn't solve it, but by the people who had made bets on their prowess. They got maaaaaad!

I never took a cube apart like that. The cube I had AFIAK the core did not come apart, but if you rotated a face 45 degrees you could then pry out the edge pieces and with enough edge pieces removed you could remove the corners.

Making an insolvable cube was easy--pry out one edge piece, reverse and replace. I do know there was some number of edge pieces that if flipped could still be solved but I do not recall the number. You don't need two cubes, you don't need to give them a wrong number of color squares.
 

Keith&Co.

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My wife has worked for two years where i have been working for twenty.
Friday, someone mentioned having a Darth Vader waffle maker. Someone else asked how Darth Vader would eat waffles.
Wife: With a knife and Force, clearly.
They all groaned, then one said, 'YOU have been listening to Keith.'
Wife: (haughtily) Excuse me. KEITH has bern listening to ME.

She certainly does not need my help.
 

Keith&Co.

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We compared Valentine's Day gifts at work.
Cards, letters, chocolate.
I announced that there were two Lego roses at my place this morning.

Dead silence.

Finally, "If i was told one guy in this unit got Lego flowers today, and had to guess, it'd be Keith."
"Got OR gave," someone added.
"Cheerfully," yet another marveled. "I gave plastic flowers ONCE..."
 

Keith&Co.

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Was reminded of one of my junior sailors.

Back in the long ago, turnover of crews on the missile subs took three days. For those days, we, as the oncoming crew, slept on the auxiliary ship: the tender, or a barge. We ate on the tender, too. Since we were increasing their burden, we usually sent some of our personnel to help in the galley.

Jimmy had just reported to the sub, the Chief assigned him galley duty. First day, he reports to the tender galley. A cook there sends him to get hamburger buns for lunch. He goes to teh storeroom, gets all he can carry, brings them up. The cook points to the grill, says, "Put them there."

What he MEANT was 'open the plastic bags, take the cardboard trays out, take the buns out of the trays, put them face-down on the grill, toast them for assembling hamburgers for the speed line.'

Jimmy...did what he was ACTUALLY told. Put the hamburger buns on the algready-heated grill. Went to find a glass of water. As he was getting a drink, the plastic melted, the cardboard caught fire, the buns burned, they called away a fire in the galley, secured lunch, evacuated the compartment and several above and below it, secured power, used extinguishers...

Jimmy went back to the barge alongside and said, "Hey, Chief, they said they don't need anyone."
Chief: Okay.
 

Keith&Co.

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So, I am not allowed to talk to the customer.
Well, some of the customer. I am aces at rolling out new hardware, software, procedures, updating sailors on upgraded systems, also explaining how things work to junior personnel.
I just cannot talk to the money guys. If Program asks me at a meeting, "So, what does GD think of the new training interface we bought?" my supervisor will shout "KEITH HASN'T SEEN IT YET!" before i can give a candid answer. Because i will tell them what i think. Not always a good thing if they just spent $umpty-million, and it's as useful as an airport made of honey.

Next week, though, a number of commitments have emptied the office. I will be reviewing a new training product and there will be no adult supervision in the office.
Super was trying to find a polite way to caution me in my responses, without making it a challenge, or leaving loopholes.
"Can you remember to be...um...politically correct? And nice? Don't lie, if there's a problem, but don't um, create more problems. Please."

I nodded. "I vow not to bring dishonor upon my house," i told him.

For some reason, this did not make him relax....
 

Keith&Co.

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This may be true.
In the Teams work space, we were watching the boss type a response to our effort to include 'surety' in our training.
It's a newish term the DOD uses to refer to safety, security, technical system design, all kinds of stuff that combine to support the weapon system.
As he types along, he suddenly was disconfident about how to spell 'surety.'
I unmuted and spelled it, S H U W R E T E E.
We watched as he dutifully typed out shuw... "Wait, did you say W?"
Coworker, "Yes, S H U W R E T E E."
Silence. Then he backspaced a few times. And finished the line, "We have incorporated the YOU ALL CAN EAT A BAG OF DICKS definition in our lesson.."

Then he copied the word in the subject line of his reply, pasted it, made it read "We have incorporated the Re: Surety definition in our lesson."

Close enough....
 

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1645378438157.png

In all fairness though, if you reached underneath and get your hand caught in the gears, they WOULD show up eventually.
 

thebeave

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Ah yes, good ole' Reddy Killowatt. :) A staple of elementary school school kids' home safety education in the 60's and '70's. Where kids were told to go home and find electrical safety hazards (like the infamous "octopus") and tell your dad how he's not keeping his family safe. And of course, warning about not flying your kite near power lines. Nowadays, kids be like, "What is this thing you call kites? Can I get it for the Nintendo?"
 

Keith&Co.

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I have a Common Access Card (CAC) at work to access certain government sites. Today, it was not working. My credentials were refused, questioned, ignored, refused again, missing, found, lost...
I took the CAC out of the reader and set it down.
I have an expired pass from a military base i visited two years sgo, and it looks a lot like a CAC. I got that and, in full view of the access card, cut the pass into slivers.
Brushed theat into the trash, put the CAC back and immediately accessed the site. I laughed triumphantly.

That's when i found out a manager had been watching me for some time.

"What are you doing?"
"Motivating compliance, actually. I think it was Gand Moff Tarkin who said, 'Fear will keep them in line.' Something like that."

Now i have an appointment with my Lead...for some reason.
 

bilby

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I have a Common Access Card (CAC) at work to access certain government sites. Today, it was not working. My credentials were refused, questioned, ignored, refused again, missing, found, lost...
I took the CAC out of the reader and set it down.
I have an expired pass from a military base i visited two years sgo, and it looks a lot like a CAC. I got that and, in full view of the access card, cut the pass into slivers.
Brushed theat into the trash, put the CAC back and immediately accessed the site. I laughed triumphantly.

That's when i found out a manager had been watching me for some time.

"What are you doing?"
"Motivating compliance, actually. I think it was Gand Moff Tarkin who said, 'Fear will keep them in line.' Something like that."

Now i have an appointment with my Lead...for some reason.
A favourite saying of Caligula was "Let them hate, as long as they fear", a phrase originally coined in Latin by Lucius Accius, as "Oderint dum metuant", which literally translates as "I was a smelly idiot until I encountered your mother's sister".
 

Keith&Co.

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Boss is working remote, so he has the opportunity to attend the group meeting by phone while driving his daughter to work.
So, they need breakfast. Stop at Dunkin. Order breakfast.
The incredibly professional peoples in the training support group meeting hear this and start making their orders. Bagel, muffin, bacon sandwich...
Boss doesn't realize that this teasing is being picked up by the drive-through microphone. Dunkinite dutifully rings it all up.

He's getting (he thinks) one coffee for him, coffee and sandwich for daughter. Bill of about $113.35.
 
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