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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co.

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There are plenty of minor incidents that could occur which would become major incidents if those involved were inadequately dressed.
And it's a given that sailors will, at the slightest opportunity, find THE 1 in a million chance to get themselves hurt.
A guy wanted to measure the resistance of a human body, held multimeter probes to his thumbs....pierced the skin, the electricity traveled across his heart...didn't kill him right then, but sent his heart into arrhythmia...and no one found him until way too late.
Only a fucking sailor could kill himself with a 9volt battery AND make everyone else listen to his story once a year at safety training.
 

Keith&Co.

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We get letters from the fleet.
Well, it's Trouble And Failure Reports, TFRs, that identify errors noted, faults received, problems encountered, what they did in response, and what ultimately fixed it. And commentary.

One boat was doing a procedure on the Control And Monitoring Panel. They got an error code. Troubleshooting commenced. The Fault Isolation Procedure seemed unhelpful. They eventually cycled power to CAMP, fault did not re-occur. They wrote the TFR suggesting that the FIP be updated to accomodate this fault, or perhaps cycling poiwer at the very beginning might help.

The error code is the one you get if you leave your finger on the touch-screen too long. I think the engineers were quite gleeful in sending that response to the boat....
 

jonatha

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Why is there an error code for leaving your finger on the touchscreen top long?

Can't you route some power from the reactor to zap the offender and get his attention?
 

Keith&Co.

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Why is there an error code for leaving your finger on the touchscreen top long?
I imagine a team validating a procedure in the lab probably paused in the act, mid-step, while someone noted a grammar error, the guy at the console stood there while the editors argued verb tense or comma placement, decided the correct issue, wrote the redline entry, logged that another defect was found, then went back to the start of the interrupted step. Meanwhile, the processor had been trying to select Nitrogen for pressurization, or set the water temperature, for ten minutes straight.
The CPU essentially shouted "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!?" and went and had a little lay down.
So now there's an interrupt saying, "Stop doing that. The software can't handle it."
Can't you route some power from the reactor to zap the offender and get his attention?
You would not believe the number of times i've suggested one of those dog shock-collars be activated by the console and worn by the on-watch technician. But no, the incredibly stupid apparently have rights ... or something.
 

Patooka

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You would not believe the number of times i've suggested one of those dog shock-collars be activated by the console and worn by the on-watch technician. But no, the incredibly stupid apparently have rights ... or something.
That reminded me of an incident when I was in retail when an anti-social IT guy (stereotypical tautology, I know) was ripping into the store manager for his stupidity. Store manager had a gutfull and fired back at the IT guy, "Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking dog. Talk to me like a human being".

To which the tech replied, "Show me the certificate that proves you're a human being. Until then, fuck off cunt so I can clean up after your fucking mess."

Maybe you could try that as an argument. Stupid people are called stupid people and not stupid humans. Therefore if they want human rights, they need paperwork authorizing that.
 

Angry Floof

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It's The Onion, which in this thread feels like cheating, but their list of benefits of making daylight savings time permanent is so great. The bolded one really cracked me up.

The U.S. Senate approved a bill Tuesday that would make daylight-saving time permanent starting in 2023. The Onion looks at the benefits of this legislation.

  • Extra hour of sunlight you still won’t utilize
  • Reduces waste by eliminating need to throw out clock twice a year
  • Will curry favor with the sun god Ra
  • One step closer to canceling winter altogether
  • Won’t throw back out resetting sundial anymore
  • Sure to irritate farmer or two
  • Dog will finally know what time it is
  • Darker winter mornings will make it easier to sleep while driving to work
  • Easier than trying to deal with that whole voting rights thing
 

ZiprHead

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It's The Onion, which in this thread feels like cheating, but their list of benefits of making daylight savings time permanent is so great. The bolded one really cracked me up.

The U.S. Senate approved a bill Tuesday that would make daylight-saving time permanent starting in 2023. The Onion looks at the benefits of this legislation.

  • Extra hour of sunlight you still won’t utilize
  • Reduces waste by eliminating need to throw out clock twice a year
  • Will curry favor with the sun god Ra
  • One step closer to canceling winter altogether
  • Won’t throw back out resetting sundial anymore
  • Sure to irritate farmer or two
  • Dog will finally know what time it is
  • Darker winter mornings will make it easier to sleep while driving to work
  • Easier than trying to deal with that whole voting rights thing
It's gonna put those people that move Stonehenge twice yearly out of work if this is adopted in Britain.
 

Keith&Co.

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I'm building an 'Ocean Museum' playset, not by Lego but a company that makes parts compatible with Leho.
One room in ypthe groubd floor of this Aquarium is the fish food prep area.
On thge walk of this little room is a small bottle with a nozzle. I assumed it was a fire extinguisher. I like that detail.
The Navy is big on damage control, subs a REALLY big on DC. For most of 20 years i always knew where the closest extinguisher was and if it was CO2, powder, or water.
But the symbol on this device is a shark, with the red circle-line thru it... It's emergency shark repellant.



20220319_153905.png


This just made my whole day. Just the idea of having to be ready to repel sharks in the room off the lobby... Are they worried about exhibits escaping? Or sharks from off the street coming in? Or proxy votes in the boardroom.
If i saw tgst on the wall my first day at a job, i would want yo know the full history of how we got to this being required. Does OSHA demand this, or is this our little secret OSHA need not know about?
 

Elixir

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Found elsewhere:

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he's curious. So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he'll try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says,
"Isn’t it terrible the way Biden stole the election?"
 

ZiprHead

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On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back."
 

Keith&Co.

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I'm building an 'Ocean Museum' playset, not by Lego but a company that makes parts compatible with Lego.
Finished the first floor, laying out parts for the second.
Evidently, the exhibits will include penguins, a turtle, crab, and a lobster.
Which raises a question.
IF i made this set, would have made the lobster the color of those things in the tank at the market.... not the color of a cooked lobster.
But the public expects bright red lobsters.
Would it be better marketing to make them accurate and expect a ton of letters from people telling me i got it wrong; or correct, with maybe a few letters from marine biologists telling me i got it wrong? Or have the biologists completely given up on anatomically correct coloring in lobster toys?
 

Keith&Co.

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From a news article about a rugby team vilating the salary cap, and the punishment they received when caught:

Reactions vary from "it's too lenient" to "it doesn't go far enough."
 

Keith&Co.

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From a news article about a rugby team vilating the salary cap, and the punishment they received when caught:

Reactions vary from "it's too lenient" to "it doesn't go far enough."
Rugby Union or Rugby League? Nevermind, I'm pretty sure it was NRL fans supplying the feedback.
The caption mentions 'Saracen's punishment,' is all i know.
 

Patooka

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The caption mentions 'Saracen's punishment,' is all i know.
Nevermind. Google fu says it was a UK controversy. I was thinking of a different but similar incident that occurred in the NRL involving the Melbourne Storms.
 

Keith&Co.

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We did our wills. Downloaded fairly generic forms, picked an executor, everything split between the kids.
Needs to be notarized, with two witnesses.
We belong to AAA, so they notarized gor no additional fee. But they aren't supposed to act as witnesses. Supposed to be someone who knows us, but isn't in the will.

Asked two coworkers who live within a mile of the AAA office.
One told his wife, 'I get to help Keith and (Mrs. Keith) with their wills.'
She proceeded to enumerate his historical errors in both math and money management. Stopped. 'Never mind, what's Keith's number?' so she could warn me.
'WILLS, not BILLS!' he finally figured where she misheard.
'OMG! Are they dying?!'
'No they just settled her sister's estate and don't wanna do that again. We should probably get wills.'
'Are YOU dying?'



Public service announcement, the answer to that question is not, 'Well, we all are.' ...apparently.
 

Keith&Co.

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My son showed me a clip from a british TV show. Someone was telling people that when he was mad at his wife, he went through the house moving her bookmarks. I related the story at work to my group.

Three people did not understand 'BookmarkS? Plural?'
'Who reads more than one book (I assume the 'at a time' was silent)?"

I started counting on my fingers.
There's the book in the car, for if i'm dining alone or if we (ever again) go to a restaurant with a wait for a table.
There's the book in the downstairs bathroom.
The book at my dining place.
Two books at my computer desk, depending on my mood whether i want to read Scifi or Mel Brooks' memoirs.
Another around here somewhere, which wasn't interesting enough to finish, but i don't (yet) count as abandoned.

And of course, four cookbook bookmarks each week for meals that I shopped for and need to find again. But that's not 'reading' as much as 'Which meatball recipe was it? Sweden or Dwarves?' I didn't count those in explaining the concept to my team mates.

Who just stared silently (i assume) at my icon in the chat window.

Sometimes it's hard to figure out what i have in common with my coworkers.

Then the boss says something stupid and we all jump his shit, like a choreographed derision team, and i'm home again.
 

Keith&Co.

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My son's new phone doesn't have a headphone jack. So, all day at work he had to listen to the radio playing on the loudspeakers, like a goddamned peasant from the middle ages or something!

At one point, the Proclaimers played. He came home and asked, 'you ever been where "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" comes on and you didn't want anyone to know you knew all the words?'

Frankly, no, but then, the song isn't a year older than _I_ am, so i can see where he might.

My problem would more typically be blurting out that the song was in a Johnny Depp movie NOT directed by Tim Burton...
 

Keith&Co.

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Coworker's week has started out great.
Went through the Dunkin drive-through. Stopped when the car in front of him stopped. Moved forward when they did, stopped again.
Got to the window. Woman at the counter, "Sir? You, uh, you never actually ordered anything."
He thought about it. Fuck. I didn't. Just drove on autopilot waiting for.... Something. He sagged.
"You can order now?" she offered.
"Yes! Yes, please, thank you. Drink and a donut, please."
"Um...what do you want to drink?"
"Coffee."
"How do you take it?" At this point, he's not sure how he takes it. Or if he takes it. IS he a coffee drinker?
Small panic. They finally sort that out. After he gets back on the road, realizes she never asked what kind of donut he wanted. Just gave him something rather than stress him out further. Nice of her.
 

Patooka

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Coworker's week has started out great.
Went through the Dunkin drive-through. Stopped when the car in front of him stopped. Moved forward when they did, stopped again.
Got to the window. Woman at the counter, "Sir? You, uh, you never actually ordered anything."
He thought about it. Fuck. I didn't. Just drove on autopilot waiting for.... Something. He sagged.
"You can order now?" she offered.
"Yes! Yes, please, thank you. Drink and a donut, please."
"Um...what do you want to drink?"
"Coffee."
"How do you take it?" At this point, he's not sure how he takes it. Or if he takes it. IS he a coffee drinker?
Small panic. They finally sort that out. After he gets back on the road, realizes she never asked what kind of donut he wanted. Just gave him something rather than stress him out further. Nice of her.
You left out the best part of that story. How in the living fuck did he make it to the drive thru in the first place?
 

Keith&Co.

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Coworker's week has started out great.
Went through the Dunkin drive-through. Stopped when the car in front of him stopped. Moved forward when they did, stopped again.
Got to the window. Woman at the counter, "Sir? You, uh, you never actually ordered anything."
He thought about it. Fuck. I didn't. Just drove on autopilot waiting for.... Something. He sagged.
"You can order now?" she offered.
"Yes! Yes, please, thank you. Drink and a donut, please."
"Um...what do you want to drink?"
"Coffee."
"How do you take it?" At this point, he's not sure how he takes it. Or if he takes it. IS he a coffee drinker?
Small panic. They finally sort that out. After he gets back on the road, realizes she never asked what kind of donut he wanted. Just gave him something rather than stress him out further. Nice of her.
You left out the best part of that story. How in the living fuck did he make it to the drive thru in the first place?
He doesn't really remember. Probably force of habit....

I hear their heater died in the night, and youngest decided to sleep with parents rather than in her cold, cold room.

Mommy got cuddles, Daddy got a highlight reel of Jackie Chan movies as dreamt by a 7 year old....punch, kick, punch, punch, kick, kick, pu-pu-punch..
 

hyzer

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A woman friend of mine rented a small U-Haul truck with the rear roll down door to help one of her adult sons move into his first house with his wife. Actually, what she was hauling was all the stuff that the son had left back in his childhood home. This included a queen size bed frame and mattress. After driving all the way from Rockville, Maryland, to Baltimore, she delivered his stuff, however the son’s wife declared that there was no way that old mattress was going to be used in the marital home. So the old heavy mattress stayed in the back of the U-Haul and my friend figured that she could stop at the Montgomery County Maryland Recycling Center (aka the dump) and dispose of the mattress on her way home.

At the dump she is directed into the giant interior room with the perimeter scary trenches on each side, into which all dumped items descend into open railroad cars some 20’ below in the darkness. Once in the room she is directed to station B4 on the left, and backs the truck up to the edge of the abyss. She decides to leave her cell phone in the cab of truck reasoning that it be just her luck to have it in her pocket only to have it bounce out and into the scary depths. She rolls up the rear overhead door and enters the back of the truck. The mattress is on the floor and she decides that the best chance to get it over the parapet and into the pit is to stand it up and just push it to flip out and let its momentum carry it over the edge, all done. She walks over the mattress to the far side and wrestles the dang thing to vertical, but there gravity takes over and the falling mattress contacts the overhead door, bringing it down with the mattress with a huge bang. The overhead door has become stuck – so there she is in complete darkness, no cell phone, in a truck backed up to a pit.

After about 5 minutes of banging she was rescued by two good ‘ol boys that had backed their pick up truck up to station B5.
 

Keith&Co.

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Spent the morning at the ER.
Wife was uncomfortable over the weekend, pain persists to this morning, located about where her appedicitis would be.
They ruled out appendicitis. Had a CT scan, some swelling in her pancreas, duodenum, some built-up fecal matter, possible ulcer.
Got her back home, went to work. Our boss asked how she's doing.
"Well, i have a professional opinion that she's full of shit."

That...may...make it back to her. If i don't post over the next twenty days, It's because i'm in traction.
 

Hermit

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gmbteach

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On my journey :D
And then, suddenly, i realized my instructor job was lacking something...
View attachment 37951


@gmbteach!
I used to teach safety to the kids by carrying a beaker of water and getting the kids to go anyway they wanted, and deliberately run into them and spill it.

then I explained why we only move around the room in a clockwise direction etc,
 

Keith&Co.

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Someone took their very old dad in for a vaccine shot when i was at the pharmacy.
The pharmacist complimented him on his sweater. He started rambling about what he liked about the sweater, what he liked about all sweaters, what he liked about buying this sweater.
She asked if this was the original color, he talked about it fading from sun and washing, talked about what attracted him to the original color. They were having a good time.
Son kept trying to get his dad to 'stop bothering' the pharmacist. He enjoyed being heard, listened to.
But she never paused in preparing the shot, the area, the arm. I think she just liked having a conversation that didn't include Fauci, Biden, Trump, conspiracies, individual rights, and so on. She could always have not responded.
 

Arctish

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My husband wanted to take a nap on the living room sofa and asked our kid to wake him up after about an hour, but when the time came he asked for another few minutes, then another few minutes, then another few minutes....

.... so she started playing this on the bluetooth speaker on the other side of the room:

 

Wiploc

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My husband wanted to take a nap on the living room sofa and asked our kid to wake him up after about an hour, but when the time came he asked for another few minutes, then another few minutes, then another few minutes....

.... so she started playing this on the bluetooth speaker on the other side of the room:


Enough to make you wish you'd been Rick Rolled.
 

ZiprHead

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Cobra chickens, heh!

They're all over the place around here this time of year. Parks, farm fields.
 

Angry Floof

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Do you have them where you are?
They're all around here in the summer, and a significant (increasing) fraction of them overwinter. In 25 years, the weather here has changed considerably. "Cobra Chicken" is new to me, though. :geek:

Yes, we have them here. I love when they arrive because I love their honking. I don't know why. It's like a cobra chicken New Year's Eve party out there. I love that noise, but I don't want to get close to them. Canada cobra chickens are ASSHOLES.
 
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