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Things that make you laugh...

That one didn't make me laugh.

I've been an atheist for nearly twenty years, but 'Amazing Grace' still gives me goosebumps.
 
While I like that music as much as the next man, the improv whistle guy was distracting and somewhat comical, and all those pipes completely drowned out the orchestra.
 
Having spent five minutes waiting for something funny to happen, I decided to put a positive spin on the experience: André Rieu spared me the displeasure of having to endure a Strauss Waltz.


This one never gets old for me:

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=736fiBMtADg[/YOUTUBE]
 
Watching Colbert talking about President Buttercup's tweet about how Comey "made McCabe look like a choirboy. Colbert said, "And Mr. Trump knows a lot about choirboys because everyone who works for him is gonna sing."

:D

Edit: Colbert says Comey is going to be on the show. :D
 
Soooo I just watched my near 2 year old cat take a piss in the kitchen sink instead of his litter box. This is the first time I caught him but was wondering for about a week why my kitchen sink had an odd smell to it in the morning. He has also tried to do it in the toilet too, but the porcelain edge makes him unstable so he slips on it some.

The actual funny bit is he is apparently very particular in aiming for the drain hole of the sink going by how he kept adjusting his position before peeing.

The even funnier (weird) bit is he still likes the litter box, still uses it and still looks at me like only half his brain is operational if his bowl is even the least bit less full than when I fed him that morning.

I do not know what this means, but I'd spend more time and energy trying to find out than in trying to make up a god to explain it.
 
DolphinDynasty said:
Soooo I just watched my near 2 year old cat take a piss in the kitchen sink instead of his litter box. This is the first time I caught him but was wondering for about a week why my kitchen sink had an odd smell to it in the morning. He has also tried to do it in the toilet too, but the porcelain edge makes him unstable so he slips on it some.

The actual funny bit is he is apparently very particular in aiming for the drain hole of the sink going by how he kept adjusting his position before peeing.

The even funnier (weird) bit is he still likes the litter box, still uses it and still looks at me like only half his brain is operational if his bowl is even the least bit less full than when I fed him that morning.

I do not know what this means, but I'd spend more time and energy trying to find out than in trying to make up a god to explain it.
Click to expand...

I'd make him a stable surface to help him use the toilet, something you can move out of the way easily when you want to use it yourself. Some people teach their cats to flush afterwards.
 
about six years ago, my retina detached. Part of stapling it back in place involved draining the vitreous humour from my eye.
A consequence of this vitrectomy is that a cataract started to form in that eye.

Four years ago, my ophthalmologist warned me I'd need cataract surgery (and also, for the first time, explained that cataracts are a common side effect of vitrectomies. It's not like I'd have turned down the retinal reattachment if I'd known of this consequence, but I think they might have mentioned it at t the time...). He stated the warning that for 5 people out of 100, the surgery does not end up improving their eyesight....

Last month, we scheduled the surgery. I've been going through the screening appointments, and every single time I see Doc, he mentions MORE possible consequences. Things that can go wrong. Results like not-improved-eyesight, worse eyesight, blindness, my two eyes seeing one object at two different sizes...
Once more, my eyesight is bad enough that I don't really have a choice of not having the surgery, but EVERY TIME more of this stuff comes to light. Stuff that's listed as an extremely small risk... Except, well, there is an increased risk for ME, due to either having had the retinal surgery before, or being diabetic, or right-handed, or near-sighted, or having once dated a redhead, or being accursed of Zorg...

I feel like I'm investigating one of the Trumps' security clearances, with revised disclosures rolling out like a conveyor belt.

I can't wait for Monday. I just can't imagine what he'll reveal once I'm in the surgery... "Take a deep breath and count backwards from 100... By the way, for one patient in two hundred, their dominant eye shifts to their nose... Okay, let's begin!"
 
Keith&Co. said:
about six years ago, my retina detached. Part of stapling it back in place involved draining the vitreous humour from my eye.
A consequence of this vitrectomy is that a cataract started to form in that eye.

Four years ago, my ophthalmologist warned me I'd need cataract surgery (and also, for the first time, explained that cataracts are a common side effect of vitrectomies. It's not like I'd have turned down the retinal reattachment if I'd known of this consequence, but I think they might have mentioned it at t the time...). He stated the warning that for 5 people out of 100, the surgery does not end up improving their eyesight....

Last month, we scheduled the surgery. I've been going through the screening appointments, and every single time I see Doc, he mentions MORE possible consequences. Things that can go wrong. Results like not-improved-eyesight, worse eyesight, blindness, my two eyes seeing one object at two different sizes...
Once more, my eyesight is bad enough that I don't really have a choice of not having the surgery, but EVERY TIME more of this stuff comes to light. Stuff that's listed as an extremely small risk... Except, well, there is an increased risk for ME, due to either having had the retinal surgery before, or being diabetic, or right-handed, or near-sighted, or having once dated a redhead, or being accursed of Zorg...

I feel like I'm investigating one of the Trumps' security clearances, with revised disclosures rolling out like a conveyor belt.

I can't wait for Monday. I just can't imagine what he'll reveal once I'm in the surgery... "Take a deep breath and count backwards from 100... By the way, for one patient in two hundred, their dominant eye shifts to their nose... Okay, let's begin!"
Click to expand...

I've had cataract surgery in both eyes. Replacement lenses. Never was put completely under. It was a very short procedure, quite painless. Best of all was the colors. It was like a Pink Floyd concert. Frankly, it wasn't a big deal.
 
ZiprHead said:
Keith&Co. said:
about six years ago, my retina detached. Part of stapling it back in place involved draining the vitreous humour from my eye.
A consequence of this vitrectomy is that a cataract started to form in that eye.

Four years ago, my ophthalmologist warned me I'd need cataract surgery (and also, for the first time, explained that cataracts are a common side effect of vitrectomies. It's not like I'd have turned down the retinal reattachment if I'd known of this consequence, but I think they might have mentioned it at t the time...). He stated the warning that for 5 people out of 100, the surgery does not end up improving their eyesight....

Last month, we scheduled the surgery. I've been going through the screening appointments, and every single time I see Doc, he mentions MORE possible consequences. Things that can go wrong. Results like not-improved-eyesight, worse eyesight, blindness, my two eyes seeing one object at two different sizes...
Once more, my eyesight is bad enough that I don't really have a choice of not having the surgery, but EVERY TIME more of this stuff comes to light. Stuff that's listed as an extremely small risk... Except, well, there is an increased risk for ME, due to either having had the retinal surgery before, or being diabetic, or right-handed, or near-sighted, or having once dated a redhead, or being accursed of Zorg...

I feel like I'm investigating one of the Trumps' security clearances, with revised disclosures rolling out like a conveyor belt.

I can't wait for Monday. I just can't imagine what he'll reveal once I'm in the surgery... "Take a deep breath and count backwards from 100... By the way, for one patient in two hundred, their dominant eye shifts to their nose... Okay, let's begin!"
Click to expand...
I've had cataract surgery ... It was like a Pink Floyd concert...
Click to expand...

Floyd.jpg

:eek:
 
Keith&Co. said:
about six years ago, my retina detached. Part of stapling it back in place involved draining the vitreous humour from my eye.
A consequence of this vitrectomy is that a cataract started to form in that eye.

Four years ago, my ophthalmologist warned me I'd need cataract surgery (and also, for the first time, explained that cataracts are a common side effect of vitrectomies. It's not like I'd have turned down the retinal reattachment if I'd known of this consequence, but I think they might have mentioned it at t the time...). He stated the warning that for 5 people out of 100, the surgery does not end up improving their eyesight....

Last month, we scheduled the surgery. I've been going through the screening appointments, and every single time I see Doc, he mentions MORE possible consequences. Things that can go wrong. Results like not-improved-eyesight, worse eyesight, blindness, my two eyes seeing one object at two different sizes...
Once more, my eyesight is bad enough that I don't really have a choice of not having the surgery, but EVERY TIME more of this stuff comes to light. Stuff that's listed as an extremely small risk... Except, well, there is an increased risk for ME, due to either having had the retinal surgery before, or being diabetic, or right-handed, or near-sighted, or having once dated a redhead, or being accursed of Zorg...

I feel like I'm investigating one of the Trumps' security clearances, with revised disclosures rolling out like a conveyor belt.

I can't wait for Monday. I just can't imagine what he'll reveal once I'm in the surgery... "Take a deep breath and count backwards from 100... By the way, for one patient in two hundred, their dominant eye shifts to their nose... Okay, let's begin!"
Click to expand...

It's the Zorg thing that should worry you the most, vengeful bastard.

I understand there is only an increased risk of the dominant eye shifting if you have a high proportion of flounder ancestry.

I had this done with the specific aim of improving my eyesight and removing the need for glasses. I was stunned to notice that friends who have had it to remove cataracts weren't told that such things are possible, and still needed their specs.

Check if it is possible to kill two birds with one stone.


[/things that don't necessarily make you laugh.]
 
I have astigmatism. The toric lenses required to correct that in replacement surgery weren't covered by my insurance and were a grand a piece. I had to stick with wearing glasses.
 
Appreciate the support, guys. Hopefully, will be thinking of y'all on MOnday. Y'all, rather than THE SCALPEL COMING AT MY EYE! But we'll see in three days...


Back to funny, I was typing an email and wanted to say 'That would definitely be a big help with this administration.'

Got as far as the d-e-f, and my tablet guessed i wanted the word 'definitely.' I accepted that. It then guessed that the next word would be 'be.' Kool. And it further guessed i wanted to continue with 'a.' Excellent.

And then took a fucking right turn and suggested the next word could be 'birdcage.'

That would definitely be a birdcage?

What the fuck, Elektra*? Is this some sort of millennial slang i'm not hip to? I went to try it out at Walmart, asking a young clerk there if they had birdcages, just to see how she reacted.
She showed me a shelf of hamster cages.
So, now i've lost faith in humanity AND my tablet...



*I named my tablet Elektra, so as not to confuse her with my laptop, Minerva.
 
Posted in a Facebook group:

"CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING ME, SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS UNMENTIONABLES. HE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON."
 
Keith&Co. said:
Appreciate the support, guys. Hopefully, will be thinking of y'all on MOnday. Y'all, rather than THE SCALPEL COMING AT MY EYE! But we'll see in three days...
Click to expand...

Yeah. I give the eye doctors fits with the glaucoma test--it usually takes several tries before I manage to avoid flinching away. There's just something about the gadget coming towards me, I know it won't hurt me but I flinch anyway.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Appreciate the support, guys. Hopefully, will be thinking of y'all on MOnday. Y'all, rather than THE SCALPEL COMING AT MY EYE! But we'll see in three days...
Click to expand...

You don't see the scalpel coming, but the tugging sensation as they pull out the old lens is disconcerting.

Loren Pechtel said:
Yeah. I give the eye doctors fits with the glaucoma test--it usually takes several tries before I manage to avoid flinching away. There's just something about the gadget coming towards me, I know it won't hurt me but I flinch anyway.
Click to expand...

My optometrist gets mad at me under the same circumstances, but I don't do it on purpose. He's lucky I don't punch him from reflex, he's mucking about with my EYES.

Good Luck, Keith&Co
 
spikepipsqueak said:
Keith&Co. said:
Appreciate the support, guys. Hopefully, will be thinking of y'all on MOnday. Y'all, rather than THE SCALPEL COMING AT MY EYE! But we'll see in three days...
Click to expand...

You don't see the scalpel coming, but the tugging sensation as they pull out the old lens is disconcerting.
Click to expand...
When they reattached my retina, the sedative for the optic nerve turned off that side of my head... And they draped a cloth over my face. So, yeah, never saw the knife. And the other sedatives i was on meant i didn't care the scalpel i knew was out there.... Somewhere..

Then i went away for a while...

I came back to the tugging sensation of the doc's resident tying off the sutures. And doc telling jokes about medical students screwing up the suture part of a surgery... Thought it was odd that i wasn't freaking out from that.
 
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