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Things that make you laugh...

The big storm on Sunday left a lot of people in our area without electricity.

Our local MP posted some information on Facebook about the compensation arrangements for people who were worst affected (which includes us).

The comments demonstrate that my neighbours are almost as good at mathematics as they are at spelling:

IMG_2950.PNGIMG_2951.PNGIMG_2952.PNG
 
Reviewing a test procedure for the D-5 Submarine Launched Ballistic Boomboom.
One of the steps refers to an old restriction. We used to be limited, could only perform the test in areas where we had the data for the exact values and directions of gravity in that area. This data was provided in a 'map' of the locations.

That's old, as our current equipment is able to make the measurements itself, without needing a gravity database, or the 'map' data.

I told the author to remove this step, we have Sierra Madre equipment.

"Mapses? We don't need no STEEENKING mapses."

I am officially not invited to the next review...
 
Elixir said:
Keith&Co. said:
So, one of my doctors increased one of my meds. Instead of two pills a day, I'm now on three a day.

Wife casually observes "that's a thirty three percent increase."
I casually correct her. When I open my mouth, she says, "I know, I know, thirty three POINT THREE."
"No, fifty."
"Thirty three fifty?"
"No fifty. Fifty percent. He increased my (x) by fifty percent."
"No," she insists, "one more pill out of three. That's a third."
"No," I say slowly, in full pedant, "the increase was one pill out of two. Fifty." Generously, I admit that "if he knocks me back, to two a day, then the DROP will be by thirty three point three, but that's not what happened.
We got to the point of putting three quarters on the table.
"But THIS is what YOU HAD yesterday..."
"Riiiiiight, but really..."





....Funny, I always thought it would be my sense of HUMOR that caused the divorce.
Click to expand...

Such confusion must be epidemic. When we set up products in QuickBooks, we enter cost and selling price and it shows two figures - margin, and markup. An item that costs $100 and sells for $150 will show up as providing us a 33.3% margin, and says it has a 50% markup. But no matter how graphically this is explained, people come and ask why those are two different percentages.
:headdesk:
Click to expand...

Reminds me of this:

Why no one wanted A&W's Third Pound Burger
 
This is spirit week at the school my wife teaches at. Each day has a 'theme' that is supposed to inspire your dress for the day.

Tuesday was 'Decades.' pick a decade, wear something to reflect that time. She picked the 60's and wore a Polo-style shirt designed as a Science Officer's uniform from the original series, Star Trek. Light blue, trek's science emblem.
one of her better students asked, got the explanation, "Wait, Star Trek is from the 60's? Did they have science fiction in the 60's?"
Go away child, you bother me...

Yesterday was 'Memes.' She picked 'redshirt,' wore a red t-shirt with the Trek emblem.
Same student: "Whoa! Redshirts are from Star Trek? "

Wife told me, "I would have written her up as being an idiot... But the principal was wearing a Darth Vader mask and just would have sent her back without punishment."
 
You should have talked her into dressing as Uhura in the Mirror, Mirror episode. My favorite scene of her in that episode...yowza...what a woman!

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CJdFppsHeo[/YOUTUBE]
 
Sigh... Used to be, the biggest list on any form of personal data I filled out was in answer to the question: "What are your previous addresses?" And sometimes, the clerk would be impressed. "No shit, Scotland?"

After yesterday's examination, it's now 'What medications are you currently taking?'
And the nurse is always impressed. Or at least, they start moving quickly. "Let's get you a comfortable chair near the oxygen..."
 
Supervisor came to work sick.
Over the weekend, just about everyone in the unit got sick.
She INSISTS that she did not have the flu. It's just a coincidence she had flu symptoms and everyone who spent the week at home had the same flu-like symptoms.

Sign over her cubicle now reads: Patient Zero Now Serving 0006

(The number is actually 0005, but the 5 on my marquee is the same peg used for S, and I didn't want anyone asking "Serving ooos? Whoose is der ooos?"
"Is der moose?"
"Where dere moose?"
...and on and on like that. I work with some really silly people...
 
Some bigwig from headquarters is coming for a visit. No one's entirely sure what he's here to see. He asked about two projects, and is liaising through someone who's program manager of a third project...
They're looking for someone who is competent in all three projects to host him.

I have absolutely nothing to do with any of the three projects. I volunteered to play host. Figure, give me three phone numbers, I can bluff it.
Boss' boss glares at me. "You know, you have to tell him 'I don't know but i'll find out' rather than make shit up on the fly, right?"
My boss: "Or fake seizures. You can't get him alone in the lab, then fake a seizure."

Well, screw that, then, find your own damned volunteers.
 
I read a lot.
Read in the waiting room, read in the examination room, read during the exam, sometimes.
Nurse the other day noticed that the author of my current book has won the Nebula Award.

She asked what that was. But...

She pronounced it 'Ne-boo-la.'

My very first reaction was 'She's good at her job, she's good at her job, she's good at her job." Didn't want to judge her for OHMYGOD, how can you NOT know the word Nebula!?!?! Just not something she's often seen in print, i guess. Or tried to spell when she heard it... Or used it in a sentence. Sure. Just a small bit of not having some discrete knowledge, not a sign of mental failings...

Second thought was do not hit someone with a Jane Yolen book if she's going to be cleaning your wound in a minute... Admittedly, not a life rule with a LOT of application, even in my life, but probably something i should write down.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Some bigwig from headquarters is coming for a visit. No one's entirely sure what he's here to see. He asked about two projects, and is liaising through someone who's program manager of a third project...
Click to expand...
Turns out, Mr. Wig is here to see MY program. He has questions about a topic i was specifically hired to create and give training for.

Word from a coworker is that three bosses, two of them mine, are getting their heads together to try to find some way to ask me to participate despite their previous, and very clear, message to stay the fuck away from the corporate visitor...
 
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