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Things that make you laugh...

Posted in a Facebook group:

"CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING ME, SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS UNMENTIONABLES. HE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON."

I copied and pasted this into one of my old lady groups on facebook. Needless to say, it's a big hit.
 
Appreciate the support, guys. Hopefully, will be thinking of y'all on MOnday. Y'all, rather than THE SCALPEL COMING AT MY EYE! But we'll see in three days...

You don't see the scalpel coming, but the tugging sensation as they pull out the old lens is disconcerting.

Yeah. I give the eye doctors fits with the glaucoma test--it usually takes several tries before I manage to avoid flinching away. There's just something about the gadget coming towards me, I know it won't hurt me but I flinch anyway.

My optometrist gets mad at me under the same circumstances, but I don't do it on purpose. He's lucky I don't punch him from reflex, he's mucking about with my EYES.

Good Luck, Keith&Co

No thought of punching, it's just as it blurs out as it gets real close I usually can't avoid jerking away from it. I think it would be easier if the machine moved slower but it's motorized, I don't think they have any control. My optometrist says that while it's inconvenient for them it's actually good--I'm more likely to successfully protect my eye from something heading for it. My body does not like medical people, period. I've had a dentist tell me that I have the strongest cheeks he's ever encountered. He had put one of those bite blocks in but my mouth still fought him. I've also almost kicked an instrument out of a doctor's hand when he unexpectedly hit me with an extremely cold spray. It did as intended and numbed the point he aimed for but some of the spray scattered and there it was merely extremely cold. I can avoid jumping for cold things if I know when and where but any element of surprise (knowing he's got something cold in his hands isn't enough if I don't know what he's going to do with it) and I'm certain to jump.
 
Oh, GOODY!
Here, I was afraid it was going to be a drab, boring week!

So, I got breakfast. A bottle of milk and a cup of homefries.

I don't bother with utensils, just pour a mouthful of potatoes into my hand and eat. Then sip milk.
At one point, I get confused and bring the cup of potatoes up to my mouth to sip. Catch myself. "Oh, that would have been silly," I muttered.


Then grabbed the bottle of milk and poured a mouthful into my hand...
 
I am sick of these children and their demand for safe spaces!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/blog...demanding-safe-spaces/?utm_term=.d6cce9674351

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You think you kids have it tough with your mass shootings?

Well, I had bullies who called me names! And I had to walk three miles to school, in the snow, uphill both ways! Oh yeah, we had snow back then. Did I mention how hard we had it?

- - - Updated - - -

Laminated this and mounted on my whiteboard...

View attachment 15194

People keep moving my magnet to different choices...

"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
[ent]mdash[/ent]Douglas Adams
 
went off on a business trip.. Now i find in left most of my medication at home. have he insulin, the post-surgery stuff, but forgot the medicine bage on the table.
I imagine my son will have it rigged with a spotlight and caution tape, maybe an audible alarm by the time i get back...
 
I think I just accidentally created a new word; I was trying to say "Please check the installation was successful", but typoed it.

Isntstalation [iz-uh nt-stuh-ley-shuh n] (noun) - A computer system that is missing some required software that the user is (incorrectly) assuming he has installed.
 
"For a list of ways in which technology has failed to improve our quality of life, press 3."
 
Being atheist can be lonely at times. Imagine not having anyone to talk to while getting a blow job.
 
A coworker was talking during a break. About how he's been married for five years, now, and his heart no longer speeds up at the sight of her. How he feels comfortable with her, like he's managed to make it home, where before there were butterflies from fear that she'd leave. Real poetic, but i had to say that we've been married for more than 30 years, and my heart still speeds up when i see her coming at me...
James started to get defensive, thinking i was saying he'd lost the spark...
"No, no. I know she's going to ask if I've taken my heaer medication, and i usually don't know where the bottle is, so i don't dare lie, she'll produce the meds and make my life HELL!"
 
So we started a unit in Prep today about growing food and what we get from plants and animals in terms of food and fibre.

Some interesting things came up.

* Chickens give us eggs and chicken nuggets.

* Bacon comes from chickens.

* We don’t eat cows, we get milk from them.

* We don’t eat sheep either as we get wool from them.

* Farmers don’t grow cows, they only grow plants.

I am looking forward to the rest of the term!
 
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