Because of your absolutely terrible debt and incompetence, here's the federal government's contribution to hurricane relief. Be sure to let everyone know how awesome and helpful I've been here.
"God, I wish my old paperboy route was easy like this here! First of all, I would have saved a lot of my marvelous time, but most importantly, I would not have had to forcibly gag down that repugnant survey of everyone's utterly shameful excuse for a house!"
"Believe me, the government procured these at a two for one discount, but is only charging Puerto Ricans the going rate, so you can firmly rest assured that we are not price gouging."
"Aw, I know you guys got really bored playing King of the Mountain, yet this new game is essentially the same damn thing. Come on, I say that we pretend to be Congress, and start seriously butting heads!"
"Whoa, honey, you are way hotter than any sort of ritualized standing or kneeling during the National Anthem, so let's just do it like rabid humans under these stinking bleachers!"
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