So the way I have conversations with people of opposing beliefs is I don’t try to convince them of anything. So that’s the first thing. Stop trying to win people over. Stop trying to enter a conversation thinking that you’re going to “a-ha” them into changing their mind. ...
But really, so I don’t do it in a way that’s like mocking, but I ask questions to kind of dig. ...
Because often what I find, is that when I do win people over, it’s almost never in the conversation itself that I’ve won someone over, it’s that I have a conversation with someone, I ask them some critical questions, and I pretty calmly explain to them, “Well this is where I’m coming from, and this is why I believe what I believe. Why do you believe what you believe?” And you kind of leave the conversation, but very often, that person will sit on what you said. And they will sit on the fact that you respected them and gave them space. Then, very often, I’ve had interactions like that and I’ll run into that person again, a week later, a month later, et cetera and they said, “You know what? You said something that I really thought about, and I changed my mind.”
But no one ever changes their mind in the actual acute situation of a conversation. ...
If someone is trying to put you down, or belittle you, or approach a conversation as though they are more intelligent than you, because like, “Oh no. There’s no way that someone can disagree with me and still be smart.” There’s a very condescending tone that we have in a lot of our conversations, and I think it’s important to really approach those kinds of disagreements with a lot of compassion. Because when they see — people really look at not just the logic of your argument, but how you make them feel. As much as people hate to say that, and admit it, it’s true.
