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Joke gallery

 
 
 
Sick joke I didn't make up!!!:

A father was being taken in to see his newborn. After being taken past several wards and and many healthy babies, eventually he's taken to a cot where it's just an eye on a pillow.
The Father was stricken with grief and sadness, then says - well if it's my son, and he's looking up at me then I'll love him all the same.
The doctor then says - oh he won't be able to see you, he's blind.
 
Guy goes in for a job interview. The interviewer gives him the 'zinger' question: "What would you say is your biggest weakness?"
The guy says, "That I'm completely honest. No matter what it is, I just say what's on my mind."
The interviewer says, "I don't really think honesty can be called a weakness, though."
The guy says, "I don't give a shit what you think."
 
Q. How many historians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. There is a great deal of debate on this issue. Up until the mid-20th century, the accepted answer was 'one': and this Whiggish narrative underpinned a number of works that celebrated electrification and the march of progress in light-bulb changing.
Beginning in the 1960's, however, social historians increasingly rejected the 'Great Man' school, and produced revisionist narratives that stressed the contributions of research assistants and custodial staff. This new consensus was challenged, in turn, by women's historians who criticized the social interpretation for marginalizing women, and who argued that light bulbs are actually changed by department secretaries. Sing the 1980's however, post-modernist scholars have deconstructed what they characterize as a repressive hegemonic discourse of light bulb changing, with its implicit binary opposition between 'light' and 'darkness', and its phallogocentric privileging of the bulb over the socket, which they see as colonialist, sexist, and racist. Finally, a new generation of neo-conservative historians have concluded that the light never needed changing in the first place, and have praised political leaders like Reagan and Thatcher for bringing back the old bulb. Clearly, much additional research remains to be done ...
 
Millie the gossip corners Ned at the front door of the church. She wags her finger at him and says, "I saw your truck parked outside the tavern yesterday. I know what you were doing in there! And so will everyone else!" She leans in close and says, "You were getting drunk!"
Ned squints at her, turns, and leaves. That night he parks his truck outside her house. And leaves it there all night.
 
100 mathematicians go to a conference. They are told at the door there are are only 99 seats. What will they do? Who will miss out?

They are mathematicians. They will just carry the one.
 
Mother Superior called her 100 nuns to the abbey courtyard.

"Girls, there was a man in the abbey last night!" she said. Ninety-nine nuns said "Oh!" and one nun said "tee hee hee."

Mother Superior continued, "And he went into one of the bedrooms!" And ninety-nine nuns said "Oh!" and one nun said "tee hee hee."

Mother Superior went on, "And we found a condom on the floor!" And ninety-nine nuns said "Oh!" and one nun said "tee hee hee."

Mother Superior yelled, "And we found a hole in the end of it!" And ninety-nine nuns said "tee hee hee," and one nun said "Oh!"
 
Teacher: "Tell me the difference between a Callgirl, Girlfriend and Wife."

The whole class was silent.. till 'Little Johnny' put up his hand and answered:

"Prepaid, Postpaid and Unlimited.
 
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