Joke gallery

[angelo]

Two old ladies were chatting at bingo. One said: "Did you come on the bus?"
The other rep!ied "Yes,but I made it look like an asthma attack."

 

[The Helmetmaker]

How do you think the unthinkable? . . . With an ithberg.

 

[angelo]

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?

His witch doctor told him to eat a balanced diet.

 

[bilby]

I've just got back from the hospital, where I've had a mole removed from my penis.

The doctors and nurses were very good, but the RSPCA said that if it happens again, they will press charges.

 

[angelo]

Did you hear about the carpenter who accidentally sat on his eletric drill and was bored to tears?

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

Did you hear about the carpenter who accidentally sat on his eletric drill and was bored to tears?

A masochistic carpenter did the same thing, and was bored stiff.

 

[George S]

The sadistic sadist responded to the masochist saying "Hurt me! Hurt me!" with "No, I won't."

 

[angelo]

A man walks into a florist and asks for big bunch of flowers. "Exactly how big" asks the assistant.
"Caught in bed with wife's sister size thanks."

 

[Keith&Co.]

The sadistic sadist responded to the masochist saying "Hurt me! Hurt me!" with "No, I won't."

Seems to be phrased a little unwieldy....

The masochist shouts "BEAT ME!" and the sadist says, "......No."

 

[bilby]

Roman 1: You won't believe how many women I've slept with.

Roman 2: mmm?

Roman 1: Don't be ridiculous, not that many.

 

[Atheos]

Roman 1: You won't believe how many women I've slept with.

Roman 2: mmm?

Roman 1: Don't be ridiculous, not that many.

But Wilt the Stilt?

MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

 

[angelo]

A man phoned the fire department and said: " I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have nice new flowerbeds, a beautiful rose border, a new fish pond and a fountain."

"Very nice." said the fire chief, " " but what's that have to do with the Fire department?"

The caller said: " Because next door's house is on fire, and I don't want your men trampling all over my front yard!"

 

[bilby]

The best time of day is 6:30.

Hands down.

 

[horhangi]

And the bartender says,"we don't serve faster than light neutrinos."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
So a faster than light neutrino walks into a bar,

 

[athee]

The best time of day is 6:30.

Hands down.

With all due respect, I must disagree. I assert that it is 6:00 .... hand down.

...
...



My one handed watch...

 

[bilby]

My server's gone down.






Best. Restaurant. Ever.

 

[ZiprHead]

Uh, you're server's name is Hank.

 

[Atheos]

NTTAWWT...

 

[angelo]

My aunt died at precisely 10.47, and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time.
It fell on her.

 

[bilby]

When I was in America I really got into the culture.

I went into a shop and the guy said, 'have a nice day!'

I didn't, so I sued him.