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Joke gallery

A Hispanic comic gives a routine filled with racist jokes. The club owner, who is highly "woke" with a strong PC sensibility, goes backstage and marches up the to Hispanic guy, berating him about how "racism is never funny" and "some things should never be joked about", and that "he can't get away with it just because he is a minority".

The Hispanic man replies, "What are you talking about? I'm the janitor."
 
Two redneck newly weds were driving from Dallas to a motel in Austin for their honeymoon. As they arrived on the outskirts of Austin, Jim-Bob reached over and put his hand on Charlene's knee.
Charlene smiled : " Oh Jim-Bob, now that we're married, you can go further than that! "
So he drove on to Laredo.
 
When they returned from the honeymoon, the redneck groom told his father, "I had to divorce her; I found out she was a virgin."

The father replied, "You done right, son; any woman ain't good enough for her own kinfolk ain't good enough for us."
 
As long as we're getting racist, sexist and misogynistic...

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: You ain't gotta tell her nothin - Ya done told her twice already!
 
Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small
plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the
pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let
us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off.
However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power
the little plane couldn't possibly handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived
the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

Mick replied,

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

 
Since we're telling international jokes.

Sushi must have been invented by the Scots thinking " How can we open a restaurant without a kitchen! "
 
An Orthodox man goes to his rabbi and says, "You'll never believe what happened to me! My son left the house and became a Christian.

The rabbi replies. "You won't believe what happened to me either! My son also left the house and became a Christian.

The man asked "What should we do?" The rabbi says "We pray to Gd of course."

So they pray, and God answers "You'll never believe what happened to me."






The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?" The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?" The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good." The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?" Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?" "Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."
 
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?" The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?" The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good." The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?" Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?" "Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."

A groaner but a good one. :slowclap:
 
This is just a joke right!
A blonde walked into a bar holding a lump of dog poop. " How lucky was that!" she said to the bartender. " I nearly stepped on this!"
 
How many rich white people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.

How do they get in it in order to screw, though?

I heard it as "Californians" instead of "rich white people", but the answer is:

None. Rich white people screw in hot tubs, not in light bulbs.

Also, speaking of Californians:
Q. Why is it so expensive to live on the beach in California?
A. It's the only place you can live and have assholes on only three sides of you.

Q. Why is California like a breakfast cereal?
A. What isn't fruits and nuts is flakes.
 
A man dies and his best friend, missing him badly, decides to visit a medium to see if he can get in touch with him on the "other side". So they have a seance, and sure enough, it works, and the man replies from "beyond".

"It's great to hear your voice again," says the friend, "So, what's it like where you are?"

It's fantastic", comes the reply. "I wake up in the morning, and it's sex first thing, then some salad, then sex again, then salad, and so on all day long. I love it!"

"Wow, that sounds amazing," says the friend. "Odd, though, I never imagined Heaven would be like that!"

"Heaven? No, no, i'm not in Heaven. I've been reincarnated as a rabbit on Hampstead Heath!"
 
My house was burgled recently, and the policeman who came round said, "You know, what really bothers us about this kind of crime is that some local crack dealer is going to be the one who benefits from the proceeds". That made me a bit uncomfortable, what with just having been burgled and all. Not only that, but how did he know what I was going to do with the insurance money?
 
I have not told anyone before that I was an in the closet claustrophobe. I came out. I feel much better.
 
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