• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Joke gallery

ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here?

PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!

Last time I was in the ER I came by car. No point in paying the IIRC $500 copay for a half mile non-emergency ride.
 
ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here?

PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!

Last time I was in the ER I came by car. No point in paying the IIRC $500 copay for a half mile non-emergency ride.

I worked in a hospital for six years. I know many ER nurses, docs, and techs who would ask you:

Why the hell were you in the ER if it wasn't an emergency?:p

...playing devil's advocate here. I know there are certain situations that arise when you can't get to an urgent care or primary care physician.

But damn, those nurses and docs can be mighty touchy when it comes to treating non-urgent cases.
 
Ambulances .... funded via ... our electricity bills.
You guys have shitty building codes, maybe?
Our very first apartment was in Virginia Beach. When an ambulance crew came to the apartment above us, we learned that we had aluminum wiring. Guy had found a puddle of metal under his air conditioner and touched it...
 
Ambulances .... funded via ... our electricity bills.
You guys have shitty building codes, maybe?
Our very first apartment was in Virginia Beach. When an ambulance crew came to the apartment above us, we learned that we had aluminum wiring. Guy had found a puddle of metal under his air conditioner and touched it...

It's got nothing to do with building codes; It's caused by creative problem solvers in our state government who were faced with the federal constitutional prohibition on the raising of taxes by states. Only the commonwealth government can raise money through taxes; some of which they then disburse to the states. States can, however, apply levies and charges in certain circumstances. So they applied the ambulance levy to the electricity billing system.
 
ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here?

PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!

Last time I was in the ER I came by car. No point in paying the IIRC $500 copay for a half mile non-emergency ride.

I worked in a hospital for six years. I know many ER nurses, docs, and techs who would ask you:

Why the hell were you in the ER if it wasn't an emergency?:p

...playing devil's advocate here. I know there are certain situations that arise when you can't get to an urgent care or primary care physician.

But damn, those nurses and docs can be mighty touchy when it comes to treating non-urgent cases.

Because the doctor in the quick care sent me over to the emergency room up the street because they couldn't handle it. Kidney stone--something you don't want to wait to get a urologist appointment for but neither does it require lights and sirens for half a mile. Fortunately the ER got it out with a drug that dilates the ureter (on it's own it had gotten down to the final bend before entering the bladder) and I went home the same day.
 
Ambulances .... funded via ... our electricity bills.
You guys have shitty building codes, maybe?
Our very first apartment was in Virginia Beach. When an ambulance crew came to the apartment above us, we learned that we had aluminum wiring. Guy had found a puddle of metal under his air conditioner and touched it...

It's got nothing to do with building codes; It's caused by creative problem solvers in our state government who were faced with the federal constitutional prohibition on the raising of taxes by states. Only the commonwealth government can raise money through taxes; some of which they then disburse to the states. States can, however, apply levies and charges in certain circumstances. So they applied the ambulance levy to the electricity billing system.

State governments can be very creative when it comes to raising revenue. During our state election campaign two years ago, the then opposition party promised not to raise power charges. Within a month of winning the election, they kept their promise about not raising electricity prices, but raised the charge for providing power to the premises by a whopping 40%. Would be funny, but it's Not a joke!
 
Because the doctor in the quick care sent me over to the emergency room up the street because they couldn't handle it.
Yeah, this.

My last three trips to Urgent Care ended up at the ER. But they only 'sent' me once. The other two, i guess it is currently against their policy to direct peole to go to the ER, but the receptionist made it clear i would probably have better results if i made the choice to go to ER, either because of equipment thry didn't have or specialists tgat were not available, or because i was probably going to be interrred by the end.
But she insisted that she was NOT sending me there, nor was i allowed to summarize the conversation that way.
 
Because the doctor in the quick care sent me over to the emergency room up the street because they couldn't handle it.
Yeah, this.

My last three trips to Urgent Care ended up at the ER. But they only 'sent' me once. The other two, i guess it is currently against their policy to direct peole to go to the ER, but the receptionist made it clear i would probably have better results if i made the choice to go to ER, either because of equipment thry didn't have or specialists tgat were not available, or because i was probably going to be interrred by the end.
But she insisted that she was NOT sending me there, nor was i allowed to summarize the conversation that way.

No, I had been seen in the Urgent Care, CAT (confirmation that it really was a stone and locating it) and a bit of morphine. The urgent care doc wanted me to go by ambulance but I felt that was total overkill, it wasn't something that needed to be dealt with that fast. Without the big street in the way I would have been ok with walking it even.
 
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
 
When I was young and in my prime
I used to do it all the time.
Now that I am old and gray
I only do it twice a day.


Exercise. What were you thinking?:

 
When I was young and in my prime
I used to do it all the time.
Now that I am old and gray
I only do it twice a day.


Exercise. What were you thinking?:

Eating

- - - Updated - - -

Q: Why are soldiers so tired on 1st April?

A: They have just finished a march of 31 days.
 
Warning, Not Politically Correct joke......................
.Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
 
Forgive us our typos as we forgive those who do just like us…

…and lead us not into the spam bin, but deliver us from moderation.
 
Forgive us our typos as we forgive those who do just like us…

…and lead us not into the spam bin, but deliver us from moderation.

For thine is the post

and thine is the rep

Forever and ever (nothing is removed from the internet)

Ramen :fsm:
 
“An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”
 
A man arrived in a country town looking for work.
The blacksmith had a sign that said "Help wanted".
He went inside and waited for the smithy.
The smithy asked if he had ever shoed a horse before.
The man replied, "No. But I once told a donkey where to go."
 
Back
Top Bottom