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A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog & her cat.

The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.

"Thanks," the Girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer & noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the firefighter said "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
 
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A woman answered her front door to find a workman standing on the porch and carrying a toolbox.
"I'm the piano tuner, ma'am." He announced.
"But I didn't send for a piano tuner!"
"I know, but your neighbor did."
 
bilby said:
So driving by a local community church today, I noticed their sign said "Jesus Is The Rock." Well played Duane Johnson, well played. ;)
Click to expand...

So is Peter the Way, the Truth, and the Life now?
 
A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayal, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: "I really should proofread! That should have been 'wifi'."
 
That reminds me of another doctor joke. .....A man went to the doctor and complained: "Doctor, I've swallowed a bone. "
"Are you choking?"
"No, I'm deadly serious!"
 
After examining a male patient, a doctor took the man's wife to one side.
"I must be honest with you," he said in an ominous tone, " I don't like the look of your husband. "
"Me neither," said the wife. " But he's a great provider and he's great with the kids. "
 
"I'd like to file a complaint about a game. This children's spelling game encourages them to spell the longest word."
"And, what is wrong with that?"
"It teaches that length matters."
 
It's Christmastime

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !

Mommy, I wanna watch for Christmas.
Being liberal minded parents, they let her.

Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low 'elf' esteem.

Q: What did Santa change his name to after he slid down a chimney where the fire was still burning?
A. Crisp Kringle.
A2. Chet. You know, Chet's nuts roasting over an open fire..

Why is Santa so jolly?
He knows where all the naughty girls live.

A boy wrote to Santa: "Dear Santa, Please bring me a brother."
Santa wrote back to the boy: "Send me your Mother."
 
Veritass said:
Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?
He only comes once a year, and that's down the chimney.
Click to expand...

See, that's where you're wrong. He comes down thousands of chimneys each year, just does it all in one night. But still, that's not any more likely to result in offspring. </Sheldon>
 
A guy went into a shop to complain about his recent purchase. " I don't think much of these energy saving lightbulbs", he said. "I still have to get up and switch them on/off."
 
Q. Why are there so few women superheroes?
A. Because by the time they got changed and applied their make up, the entire world would be wiped out.
 
Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
 
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