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Movie alphabet

L

The Blast of the Mohicans

An epic American historical drama film set in 1757 during the French and Indian War. Russell Means and his family are getting along just fine with the Brits until some white girls are kidnapped. A daring rescue is underway, when Means accidentally blows up his entire family while trying to construct a bomb to distract the enemy.
 
M

The Blast of Them Mohicans. (1972)
During the French and Indian War, Chingachgook feels that the British justification for war, namely the 'claims of the colonists' is just gobbledegook for 'King George wants to shoot Frenchmen.'
He has a long list of The Crown's crimes against the colonists, and the Native Americans living alongside them, that put the lie to George giving a rat's about anyone on the sundown side of the Great Water.
However, 'tis treason to put the King on Blast.
Chingachgook's one musical number, 'He's not my king,' got a lot of radio play during Nixon's Watergate Scandal, and experienced a resurgence in popularity during Trump's impeachment.
 
N

Stan Wars - Documentary about Stan Lee's many copyright lawsuits.

Or

Stan Wans - Documentary covering Stan Lee's last days.
 
O

The Boast of the Mohicans

Chingachgook fears that the Trump Administration's justification for war is just a diversion so he can stay in office after losing an election.
He has a long list of Trump's crimes against minorities and democracy in general. He offers that "I'll haul his lard ass out of the Whitehouse myself if I have to", and further promises "I'll bury my hatchet in his ugly tangerine head if he resists". Reminded that the Secret Service includes more heavily armed personnel than can be readily dispatched with a hatchet, he brags "That may be, but I have arrows as well, and I know how to use them!"
 
Q

Space Quo Boys

Clint Eastwood leads a team of retired US astronauts, called back into service to help NASA beat the Russians. There's a new weapon technology that can use orbiting platforms for domination.
Veterans of the Space Race, the original space cowboys don't feel like weaponizing space, in taking the Arms Race to the high orbitals.
They devise a plan to preserve and enforce the status quo outside the atmosphere.
 
R

The Rasta the Mohicans

Chingachgook arrives in Jamaica with an angry heart, then converts to the religion of love and ganja, losing all interest in British military affairs despite their iron-fisted rule over the Island.
Not to be confused with the Chinese version of the original "Last of the Mohicans", which has identical pronounciation.
 
S

Sass of the Mohicans

Revengumentary. Chronicling white oppression of Native Americans thru interviews and reenacments. The interviewer invites participants to end each segment by telling the viewers to fuck off.
 
T

Skint Game

Sequel to Skin Game, 1973. A couple of con artists (James Garner and Lou Gossett) travel the midwest. They had been running a con where Garner sold Gossett off as a slave, then both hightailed it out of town.
Tired of ducking posses and never being able to return to a town, they hatch a new plan.
They travel the northern midwest, pretending poverty (without much difficulty), throwing themselves on the mercy of good christian townspeople. They might have to do a few chores or odd jobs, but it'll beat the hell out of being lynched.

They end up at a ranch run by Shirley Jones. A widow, with two daughters (Linda Day George, Susan Dey) and their sassy housemaid, Pam Grier.
They take the grifters in, offering home cooked meals and 'unspecified' benefits, in return for a few, minor tasks.
Some time later, Garner and Gossett realize the benefits never quite have been realized, but the tasks have grown in time and effort required.
"We're con men!" Gossett snaps as the train approaches the ambush. "Why are we robbing a train?"
"I guess the girls are better con men than we are," Garner shrugs.
"Are you ladies coming?" Grier shouts, shaking out the belt for the Gatling.
 
U

Blunder Siege

Donald Trump has lost the 2020 election, bigly. He is packing up to leave when Donnie Jr and Jared Kuscher storm into his room. “What is this?”

“Your reelection.” replies Donnie Jr who cocks his semi-automatic weapon.

So anyway, Kuscher is under the misimpression to Putin was serious when he said he’d help overthrow the Biden Administration and things start to go badly quickly as Trump’s army of two try to outthink the US Military and Secret Service.

Large grandiose plans go awry when Jared and Donnie’s knowledge of secrets of the White House are also known by the military and secret service.

Down to the last room and a barrage about to enter, Donnie and Jared, ashamed of their failure say they will fall on their swords in ritual suicide. A few minutes pass, nothing.

The two are apprehended and Trump somehow manages to grab an officers gun and fires ten shots point blank, missing each and every time. Trump shrugs and notes ‘the site must be off’ right before being tackled by twenty men.

Kuschner and Donnie Jr are able to get away in the commotion and escape with smiles on their faces as they get out of the room, intent on getting into Ivanka’s car that was towed hours ago for being illegally parked.

The two quickly realize they escaped into a room with forty men ready to detain them. Their smiles drop while the Secret Service men simultaneously pull out their batons and smile. The ensuing four minutes of violence were the four happiest minutes of my life.

Meanwhile as Ivanka was getting her car out of impound, she meets Brett Kavanaugh. They talk it up a bit and then head out to get a drink at the bar across the street... but while crossing get blind sided by a bus. A bus driven by the Dandyman!

I watched this film in the theater three times... in a row!. Would have been four by the third was the last showing for the day.
 
Four days after being released, Blunder Siege's final "fight" scene finally pushed Basic Instinct out of position #1 for "most frequent use of the pause button during a movie (not counting explicit porn)."
 
V

Victory/Victoria

Surrounded by people who fail him, either through stupidity (Junior, Giuliani, Eric), betrayal (Twitter, FOX, Eric again), or blurting out the inconvenient truth after we told Eric sixteen times to shut up (guess), Trump realizes the only person he can count on is himself.

After Barron incautiously bumps into the President in a hallway, Trump remembers using the Barron pseudonym to feed news stories of himself to the totally unsuspecting press. Thinking his disguise skills are as good as his self-assessment of all his other talents, he creates "Victoria." His new press secretary. "Victoria" will finally put the media in their place, ensuring his reelection.

"Victoria" appears, introduces herself, and begins setting the record straight. All the record. Every slight against The Donald, real and imagined, going back as far as his early roasting in Doonesbury, is detailed, explained, corrected and put to eternal rest. There will be no further discussion on any old fake news after this, "she" declares.

After the marathon revelations the White House press corps, tired and a little frightened, begin asking questions. New questions, in accordance with the stated guidelines.

Sir, does this mean you now accept transexuals? Or at least crossdressers?

Sir, does Ivanka know you're wearing her lipstick?

Mr. President, are you challenging old fat drag queens to recreate your signature look? Because somewhere, there's a 'Divine' fan screaming, "My Moment To Shine!" Seriously, they're on YouTube already.

Sir, I have eighty two messages from my publisher, I'd like to read them to you. "What the fuck?" I think that's everyone's question, sir, what the fuck?

Mr. President, just how far down does the disguise go, sir? I mean, obviously you're wearing a bra and a girdle. But sir? Boxers or thong?
 
W

Bar of the Worlds

This sci-fi comedy picks up where the Hitchhiker's Guide left off. When the Restaurant at the End of the Universe is shut down due to coronavirus, a speakeasy opens in a neighboring galactic cluster. Known as the Bar of the Worlds, it becomes a staging area for the invasion of Earth. An elite group of intellectuals figures out that 42 is not in fact the meaning of life, the universe and everything, but rather an expression of the quantity 54, but in base 13. Hilarity ensues as they are proven unable to solve even the simplest mathematical conundrum using their fingers.
 
X

XXX-Men

A story about the super heroes of the illegal moonshine business during Prohibition.
 
To be fair, the trailers kind of hinted that suggestion. Lots of people were disappointed.
 
Y

XY-Men

Sasha Baron Cohen takes to the streets of America. Like a Dead-head following concerts, he trails the President's public rallies, asking any man in a MAGA hat for their views on what makes 'A Real Man.

He makes no effort to correct their ideas or specifically mock any answer, but does make the lack of individuality clear.
Rather than having the audience sit thru 200 consecutive interviews, he asks a question, then the screen splits to show the faces of ten, twenty, forty men giving identical or near-identical answers.

Until the 'bonus round.' He presents each man's answer to the last question individually. There is no chance to miss the various strategies presented in response to, "How do you locate a woman's clit?"
"Well, you gotta be prepared to dig deep..."
Or, "I don't believe in the myth."
Or, "I leave that up to her."
 
Z

XYZ-Men

Another split-screen epic.
The screen splits to show the faces of ten, twenty, forty men in MAGA hats, all trying to master a 26-part puzzle.
This film had a short run, as while the puzzle fascinated the people on the short bus of the MAGA school, the rest of society soon recognized it as what is widely known as the Alphabet.
 
A-Men

A film about Super heroes who sole power is the ability to donate gargantuan amounts of A type blood and plasma. This was the Red Cross’s first and only attempt at a motion picture.
 
Jimmy Higgins said:
A-Men

A film about Super heroes who sole power is the ability to donate gargantuan amounts of A type blood and plasma. This was the Red Cross’s first and only attempt at a motion picture.
Click to expand...

Better go see it. When I saw the trailer I thought it was a religious flick.
(I hope this doesn't continue all the way to C)
 
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