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Movie alphabet

A

Archnophobia

A doctor develops a crippling fear of arches. Tragically, he is the sole podiatrist for the city, and everyone is caught flat. Three local dance troupes foot the bill for his therapy.
The therapy fails, and he feels like a heel. In emotional debt to his neighbors, he toes the line of his profession despite his fears.
 
C

The Art of Raking in the Rain

Kevin Costner voices the thoughts of a dog watching his owner rake leaves into a giant pile during a rainstorm. In this heart-rending tale, the dog can't believe his owner is so stupid; even a dog knows the leaves will dry out faster if they're not raked up until the rain stops. A dog certainly knows what the optimal water content is for playing in a pile of leaves, and knows that his owner is wrecking any chance for real fun, as the leaves will rot before they dry out enough to play in. But the owner carries on raking, oblivious to the dog's disappointment and scorn. Most of the movie alternates between scenes of the owner's super-meticulous raking, and the dog's flashbacks of a terrifying stuffed Zebra toy.
 
D

Election ---> Delection

After high school, Reese Witherspoon acts as Ferris Bueller's campaign manager when he runs for National Morale Officer, a position that doesn't exist, his campaign slogan admits, "but we desperately need."
He's counting heavily on write-in votes for the position. For it to exist, for him to fill it, for the Feds to acknowledge it...

The movie centers on her internal dialogue on Election Night.

If he wins, it'll convince her that America is still open to whimsy and hope, restoring her faith in humanity, the democratic process, and the future.

If he loses, well, she gets to say, "I told you so!" for the next forty years.

Either way, the satisfaction should be sublimely delectable.
 
G

Gelection

This masterpiece of product placement begins with the morbidly obese President awkwardly trying to navigate the slight slope of a ramp that was designed to help him avoid a half-flight of stairs. Behind in the polls, he is convinced that a more presidential bearing will bring him victory in the upcoming election. As the plot develops, he is fitted with a pair of Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Advanced Insoles. The next hour of the film recounts grueling weeks of coaching and practice, as the President slowly learns to use ramps. By the end of the film, not only can he walk a ramp without a death-grip on the handrail, he actually develops an impressive ability to run/hop the last five feet. The cliffhanger ending does not reveal whether all the hard work pays off with a win, priming the audience for the sequel due out this fall.
 
H

Helection

Trump tries to make the debates about Biden's VP pick. "She's a girl! Elect them, you're one heart attack away from someone menstruating while directing national security!!" Vote with balls is the unofficial slogan.

Dubbed the Hee-Hee-Man ticket on the internet, polls tank. Trump whines like a bitch about how mean people are to him and cries...


Oh. Wait. This is supposed to be fictional.

H

Moby Hick

Jason Bateman leads a trucker convoy through Nebraska. Top speed is limited due to maitenance conditions on some of the trucks. But in addition to safe travels, he has another agenda: seeking revenge against the lip-reading, mouth-breathing, home-schooled, anti-vaxx, fat albino that cut him off at a stoplight one time in Omaha.
He has a chihuahua in the cab named Ishmael.
 
I

In Golden Pond

A long estranged family gets together, only for disaster to strike when a young woman drowns her grouchy bastard of a father in a lake.
 
K

You Only Like Twice

Bond faces a supervillain who commands a legion of unwitting followers on social media. The world's money markets are ripe for a collapse from a few well-placed tweets.
Bond bands up with a beautiful, buxom, blonde blogger, and they reprogram the internet. Any 'like' action crashes your internet. First time for 24 hours, 2nd time for 24 days.
The villain cannot capitalize on a virtual flash mob that takes a month to assemble.
 
M

Loonraker - Spectre plot to blackmail world governments in a chemical attack plot from a large orbiting duck. James Bond is able to spoil the plan though the ‘What’s good for goose is good for the gander’ line led to more simultaneous forehead slaps than any other line in cinematic history.
 
N

Noonraker

Bond, a supervillain, villainous plot involving a satellite collecting the sun's rays for destruction.
Bond love interest: Miss Sunny Morning
Villain's right-hand girl: Ms. Darque Knight
MI6 redshirt (non-plot-critical contact killed by Ms. Knight after the Bond-sexing): Eve Gloaming-St. James
Nude appearing in the credits: Dawn Twilight
 
P

Poonraker

I, uh, i downloaded the wrong movie. Not a Bond flick.
No review, sorry. Have to go burn my browser.
 
S

Moonrakers

Sequel to Spaceballs. They still ain't found shit.


Odd thought: Moonkrakken. Hugo Drax threatens the world after he calls down the krakken. No one knew it was up there.
 
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