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Parenting Megathread

Trying not to, although the annoyance has likely come through a couple times. Lately I'm trying to adjust the language I use surrounding it to be more positive / encouraging, and that seems to caused some change. If the past is any indication he's going to mature a bit and eventually just start doing it.

When there is peer pressure he never has an accident. So it might just come down to the switch flipping from 'don't care' to 'care'. If he doesn't have it by JK then I think he's going to pick it up fast at that time.
Yes, peer pressure was a big factor for my oldest who is extremely social and who liked to play with the ‘big kids’ who were a really nice collection of kids from about 4-8 years old. It was also an impediment in the sense that he was often very ‘busy’ and did not want to stop ( in time) to use the toilet. But he did learn as dud his siblings. Two of the kids were extremely quick to make the switch. Two were …slower because they simply were too busy playing to want to bother with the bathroom.

On the bright side, the small one is already doing both on the potty at 26 months because he has to keep up with big bro. Fierce, male rivalry is good for something, I guess.
 
Trying not to, although the annoyance has likely come through a couple times. Lately I'm trying to adjust the language I use surrounding it to be more positive / encouraging, and that seems to caused some change. If the past is any indication he's going to mature a bit and eventually just start doing it.

When there is peer pressure he never has an accident. So it might just come down to the switch flipping from 'don't care' to 'care'. If he doesn't have it by JK then I think he's going to pick it up fast at that time.
JK?

In Canada the first two levels of elementary school are JK and SK, junior kindergarten and senior kindergarten. He'll be entering JK.
I thought it might be that, but didn’t want to assume.
 
End of Year update

My daughter continues to have little ability of seeing things outside her perspective, but she did something yesterday that indicated improvement, so that was something. She still has no friends and had an unfortunate breakup with the one she thought she had.

The medication change mid-year sustained her school performance overall, as did the school adapting her transitions. She made the President's list, which we were really happy with, didn't even know it was a thing! It isn't super particular, but you need to be up top to get it. She finished this year a lot better than last year!

I started the connections to Middle School and will be more proactive on them with her management. This time around, proactive, instead of letting things slide due to her being smart and popular with adults, cracking through the obstinance she can have at times. She is set to see an occupational therapist outside of school, starting in October. Yeah... October. Probably could have used it a couple years ago, but some of this stuff is emerging, and I'm ignorant of a lot of it. Hoping by High School, she is better footed for managing peer relations. School is going to get harder to, so hopefully the smart kids start clumping together as well, quirks and all.
 
We finished up with public, early intervention speech therapy, and have been attending private speech therapy for the past three weeks. The only thing left is the S sound, but eldest is now in a 'super confident, do whatever he wants, and lie through his teeth' phase. So some progress has been made but the new therapist is considering putting a pause on it for a few months until he matures and is more receptive to therapy. It turns out that they're actually more receptive when they're younger because the therapy feels like a game. Luckily we had him in at that time and achieved about 10 new sounds, so his speech is far clearer. We're ahead of the curve for Cleft but it's still jarring. And we're waiting with baited breath to see if any further surgery will be needed.

On the bright side I know how to apply speech therapy myself now, and even if we put a pause on private I can still teach him. I attended every session with the last therapist, and spent a few days researching her approach so I'm reasonably sure I can teach him the S sound myself. I just need him to be receptive.

And the small one just keeps chugging along. The terrible twos are slowly but surely creeping in. I had a good laugh last week when he was doing something ridiculous and my wife rolled her eyes at him. It was like watching her roll her eyes at herself.

The change in interplay between the two has been interesting recently. Eldest is taking on more of a parental, less babyish role, toward younger bro. Not as rough, more nurturing. Younger one is becoming rougher.
 
Another still-in-my-thirties birthday today (one more of those to go). I got the sweetest gift from my boys. They gathered a bunch of stuff from around the house, put it in a plastic bag, and taped the bag shut with painters tape. That came with two handmade cards.

I'll call this birthday the best one on record so far.
 
Another still-in-my-thirties birthday today (one more of those to go). I got the sweetest gift from my boys. They gathered a bunch of stuff from around the house, put it in a plastic bag, and taped the bag shut with painters tape. That came with two handmade cards.

I'll call this birthday the best one on record so far.
Happy Birthday Mate!






It's bilby's birthday as well. :D
 
Another still-in-my-thirties birthday today (one more of those to go). I got the sweetest gift from my boys. They gathered a bunch of stuff from around the house, put it in a plastic bag, and taped the bag shut with painters tape. That came with two handmade cards.

I'll call this birthday the best one on record so far.
Happy Birthday!
 
Another still-in-my-thirties birthday today (one more of those to go). I got the sweetest gift from my boys. They gathered a bunch of stuff from around the house, put it in a plastic bag, and taped the bag shut with painters tape. That came with two handmade cards.

I'll call this birthday the best one on record so far.
Happy Birthday Mate!






It's bilby's birthday as well. :D
We don't share a birthday. The international date line means Rousseau's is the day before mine...
 
My daughter is back in school. Sixth grade. Maybe things will unravel, but my initial perception is that the staff in middle school is about 1000% more ready for students like my daughter than the elementary school. Probably easier to manage with a centralized middle school verses several spread out elementary schools, so the staffing doesn't need to shift to cover multiple schools, but the overall school footprint just seems more in touch with the needs of some children. School starts for real today after the intro stuff last week. She is really looking forward to it and the school learning is getting real-er. The sixth grade curriculum is definitely more advanced than when I was in sixth grade.
 
My daughter is back in school. Sixth grade. Maybe things will unravel, but my initial perception is that the staff in middle school is about 1000% more ready for students like my daughter than the elementary school. Probably easier to manage with a centralized middle school verses several spread out elementary schools, so the staffing doesn't need to shift to cover multiple schools, but the overall school footprint just seems more in touch with the needs of some children. School starts for real today after the intro stuff last week. She is really looking forward to it and the school learning is getting real-er. The sixth grade curriculum is definitely more advanced than when I was in sixth grade.

I don't remember what they taught us in 6th grade except that 6th grade was still elementary school and there was no middle school. There was Jr High School which was 7th and 8th.

I hope your experience is good. Our experience with Middle School is that they were even worse than elementary school and retaliated against parents with non-neurotically children.
 
My daughter is back in school. Sixth grade. Maybe things will unravel, but my initial perception is that the staff in middle school is about 1000% more ready for students like my daughter than the elementary school. Probably easier to manage with a centralized middle school verses several spread out elementary schools, so the staffing doesn't need to shift to cover multiple schools, but the overall school footprint just seems more in touch with the needs of some children. School starts for real today after the intro stuff last week. She is really looking forward to it and the school learning is getting real-er. The sixth grade curriculum is definitely more advanced than when I was in sixth grade.
I don't remember what they taught us in 6th grade except that 6th grade was still elementary school and there was no middle school. There was Jr High School which was 7th and 8th.

I hope your experience is good. Our experience with Middle School is that they were even worse than elementary school and retaliated against parents with non-neurotically children.
Time will tell. The staffer in charge has been at this school for 16 years, which really makes me hopeful! I did my side of things getting stuff pushed at the end of last year for the transition, and when we showed up for the sixth grade walkthrough, they knew who my daughter was, answered questions, etc... Then the open house, I just got the feeling that these teachers are in a different zone when it comes to students like my daughter. IE, they don't have time for the distraction, so they have developed (and/or been trained) solutions to the distractions. She has a class that is somewhat dedicated to her internal management and working on focus with her ADHD and managing distractions (mainly audible ones). That sort of thing didn't exist when I was a kid. Hopefully with that reinforcement, she'll be able to develop though management skills so she can crush it in her academic classes.

It isn't easy for my daughter. Her odd behavior back in elementary school and her propensity to just react out loud has stigmatized her reputation among the classmates that know her. Add to that, she is smart which will cause a bit of envy as well. This is part of my internal three year plan (two years?). Get her into a position of being able to actively manage her own impulses by high school. It is hard enough being a kid as it is, she needs as few bonus issues to manage.
 
Our eldest adjusted to junior kindergarten at warp speed. A little flustered the first day, fine by the second. He likes his teacher, and it seems to have accelerated potty training (we're pretty much there now). Youngest adapted to the preschool room pretty quickly too. He doesn't like drop off when mom hands him off, but does fine throughout the day.

The other thing that's been nice to hear is that nobody's having trouble understanding eldest, which means our hard work with his Cleft has paid off. The public school based therapy also prioritized him, and we're still sticking with private as well, so now we have two speech therapists on the S sound. We're emphasizing private therapy because the therapist has 18 years of experience on the public one, so we'll see where that goes. The big question is how fast we can get him the skills he needs. If he gets caught up in a few months that'll save us an enormous amount of money, like major renovation money.
 
Sounds like things are going very well! So good to read. Your boys are very lucky to have such well educated and well informed parents to to advocate for them and to be able to follow through at home. You guys seem like you are doing a great job!
 
Anybody have any experience with grandparents serving as daycare ( in child’s home)? There is a potential situation where I become daycare for my grandchild. It is all very TBD right now. I am willing to do it but my biggest concern is the travel distance/time with winter and potential for poor driving conditions approaching. We are two hours apart ( in good weather conditions and not rush hour) and the deal would be that I stayed over during the parents’ work week, going to stay Sunday afternoon and returning home possibly Friday mornings —or Thursday afternoons if parents were home early enough —if the 4 day work week happens. It would be harder if both parents are on the same 5 day work week.

My personal concerns are if weather becomes so severe that I simply cannot get there ( genuine possibility) and me not having much actual time at home.

But the big concern is not overstepping my bounds with the parents, and avoiding any issues that might come up.

As you are all aware, daycare expenses for an infant are huge. They would essentially wipe out all of the mother’s earnings. Long term this would be difficult, especially as one vehicle will need replacing at some point in the not too distant future.

There is also the potential risk for them to move much nearer by but that would involve finding new jobs, selling their current t home and purchasing another one. Or re ring out their current home and living with us for a shorty while as they house hunt. Hubby may/may not retire in the spring but definitely dues not want to move to their more urban area. It’s just more stressful to deal with increased noise and traffic. Even son who could not wait to get out of our town is starting to look at the quieter, slower pace of life outside the Big City and suburbs.

BUT no move is likely to happen soon. They are exploring their options now but I’m on their list.

The issues for the parents are both the cost and the difficulty ( emotionally) with leaving the grandchild with someone who is not family. Her family lives too far for that to be an option.

Any advice for me, the grandmother?
 
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Sounds like things are going very well! So good to read. Your boys are very lucky to have such well educated and well informed parents to to advocate for them and to be able to follow through at home. You guys seem like you are doing a great job!

Education, and a part of it is selfishness. I really, really want them to be financially independent when they're adults, so I know the better I do as a parent the more likely that is to happen. Of course the education part helps too, but most of it was the awareness of how critical the first 3-4 years are to the rest of their life. I'm not sure every parent knows that.
 
Anybody have any experience with grandparents serving as daycare ( in child’s home)? There is a potential situation where I become daycare for my grandchild. It is all very TBD right now. I am willing to do it but my biggest concern is the travel distance/time with winter and potential for poor driving conditions approaching. We are two hours apart ( in good weather conditions and not rush hour) and the deal would be that I stayed over during the parents’ work week, going to stay Sunday afternoon and returning home possibly Friday mornings —or Thursday afternoons if parents were home early enough —if the 4 day work week happens. It would be harder if both parents are on the same 5 day work week.

My personal concerns are if weather becomes so severe that I simply cannot get there ( genuine possibility) and me not having much actual time at home.

But the big concern is not overstepping my bounds with the parents, and avoiding any issues that might come up.

As you are all aware, daycare expenses for an infant are huge. They would essentially wipe out all of the mother’s earnings. Long term this would be difficult, especially as one vehicle will need replacing at some point in the not too distant future.

There is also the potential risk for them to move much nearer by but that would involve finding new jobs, selling their current t home and purchasing another one. Or re ring out their current home and living with us for a shorty while as they house hunt. Hubby may/may not retire in the spring but definitely dues not want to move to their more urban area. It’s just more stressful to deal with increased noise and traffic. Even son who could not wait to get out of our town is starting to look at the quieter, slower pace of life outside the Big City and suburbs.

BUT no move is likely to happen soon. They are exploring their options now but I’m on their list.

Any advice for me, the grandmother?

Child care's a hard one. IMO, if they can get their kid in an environment where they're interacting with other kids that is more ideal. So they should explore every avenue and grandma should be a last resort (if it were me). But if licensed child care isn't feasible than you've got to do what you have to do. There are often daycares run out of people's home that will be less expensive (and some run by registered ECEs).

I'm going to guess that social programs may not be as readily available for you as they are here, but for child care around here there are often subsidies available for low income families. That might be worth looking into if that's the kind of thing they'd qualify for.

As for the grandma option, it's really hard to say what would work best in terms of logistics, but I guess it'll just work out how it works out. And I'm not saying it's a big problem if you're the care taker, but consistent interaction with other children is going to be a big boost developmentally, perhaps worth the cost.

ETA: part time daycare is also a thing which gets you the best of both worlds. Some interaction time, some one on one time.
 
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Anybody have any experience with grandparents serving as daycare ( in child’s home)? There is a potential situation where I become daycare for my grandchild. It is all very TBD right now. I am willing to do it but my biggest concern is the travel distance/time with winter and potential for poor driving conditions approaching. We are two hours apart ( in good weather conditions and not rush hour) and the deal would be that I stayed over during the parents’ work week, going to stay Sunday afternoon and returning home possibly Friday mornings —or Thursday afternoons if parents were home early enough —if the 4 day work week happens. It would be harder if both parents are on the same 5 day work week.

My personal concerns are if weather becomes so severe that I simply cannot get there ( genuine possibility) and me not having much actual time at home.

But the big concern is not overstepping my bounds with the parents, and avoiding any issues that might come up.

As you are all aware, daycare expenses for an infant are huge. They would essentially wipe out all of the mother’s earnings. Long term this would be difficult, especially as one vehicle will need replacing at some point in the not too distant future.

There is also the potential risk for them to move much nearer by but that would involve finding new jobs, selling their current t home and purchasing another one. Or re ring out their current home and living with us for a shorty while as they house hunt. Hubby may/may not retire in the spring but definitely dues not want to move to their more urban area. It’s just more stressful to deal with increased noise and traffic. Even son who could not wait to get out of our town is starting to look at the quieter, slower pace of life outside the Big City and suburbs.

BUT no move is likely to happen soon. They are exploring their options now but I’m on their list.

Any advice for me, the grandmother?

Child care's a hard one. IMO, if they can get their kid in an environment where they're interacting with other kids that is more ideal. So they should explore every avenue and grandma should be a last resort (if it were me). But if licensed child care isn't feasible than you've got to do what you have to do. There are often daycares run out of people's home that will be less expensive (and some run by registered ECEs).

I'm going to guess that social programs may not be as readily available for you as they are here, but for child care around here there are often subsidies available for low income families. That might be worth looking into if that's the kind of thing they'd qualify for.

As for the grandma option, it's really hard to say what would work best in terms of logistics, but I guess it'll just work out how it works out. And I'm not saying it's a big problem if you're the care taker, but consistent interaction with other children is going to be a big boost developmentally, perhaps worth the cost.

ETA: part time daycare is also a thing which gets you the best of both worlds. Some interaction time, some one on one time.
Actually, they probably qualify for subsidized daycare. The trick is finding something that has an opening and is flexible enough to accommodate their hours. She will be working 4 10 hr days and his usual shift goes 11 am -7:30 p.m. A LOT of daycares are very rigid about pickup/drop off times. Having done daycare from my home, I definitely understand why that is. But it is much harder for parents who do not work 9-5 jobs.

The other issue for them will be leaving the baby with a non=family member. I definitely cried the first day back to work with my oldest in daycare and not with his father who was home 2 days/week with him. I get it completely.

On the upside, the mother is extremely extroverted and social so I have zero concerns about the baby being properly socialized. I think the needs change as kids move from infancy (baby is currently about 7 weeks old) to toddlerhood. And of course, there is always the issue of kids exchanging germs at daycare and school, which is of course, part of the function of daycare and preschool: boost kids' immune systems by constant exposure to lots of different individuals. But it sucks when you need a back up because your kid has a fever or is vomiting or has diarrhea.
 
Anybody have any experience with grandparents serving as daycare ( in child’s home)? There is a potential situation where I become daycare for my grandchild. It is all very TBD right now. I am willing to do it but my biggest concern is the travel distance/time with winter and potential for poor driving conditions approaching. We are two hours apart ( in good weather conditions and not rush hour) and the deal would be that I stayed over during the parents’ work week, going to stay Sunday afternoon and returning home possibly Friday mornings —or Thursday afternoons if parents were home early enough —if the 4 day work week happens. It would be harder if both parents are on the same 5 day work week.

My personal concerns are if weather becomes so severe that I simply cannot get there ( genuine possibility) and me not having much actual time at home.

But the big concern is not overstepping my bounds with the parents, and avoiding any issues that might come up.

As you are all aware, daycare expenses for an infant are huge. They would essentially wipe out all of the mother’s earnings. Long term this would be difficult, especially as one vehicle will need replacing at some point in the not too distant future.

There is also the potential risk for them to move much nearer by but that would involve finding new jobs, selling their current t home and purchasing another one. Or re ring out their current home and living with us for a shorty while as they house hunt. Hubby may/may not retire in the spring but definitely dues not want to move to their more urban area. It’s just more stressful to deal with increased noise and traffic. Even son who could not wait to get out of our town is starting to look at the quieter, slower pace of life outside the Big City and suburbs.

BUT no move is likely to happen soon. They are exploring their options now but I’m on their list.

Any advice for me, the grandmother?

Child care's a hard one. IMO, if they can get their kid in an environment where they're interacting with other kids that is more ideal. So they should explore every avenue and grandma should be a last resort (if it were me). But if licensed child care isn't feasible than you've got to do what you have to do. There are often daycares run out of people's home that will be less expensive (and some run by registered ECEs).

I'm going to guess that social programs may not be as readily available for you as they are here, but for child care around here there are often subsidies available for low income families. That might be worth looking into if that's the kind of thing they'd qualify for.

As for the grandma option, it's really hard to say what would work best in terms of logistics, but I guess it'll just work out how it works out. And I'm not saying it's a big problem if you're the care taker, but consistent interaction with other children is going to be a big boost developmentally, perhaps worth the cost.

ETA: part time daycare is also a thing which gets you the best of both worlds. Some interaction time, some one on one time.
Actually, they probably qualify for subsidized daycare. The trick is finding something that has an opening and is flexible enough to accommodate their hours. She will be working 4 10 hr days and his usual shift goes 11 am -7:30 p.m. A LOT of daycares are very rigid about pickup/drop off times. Having done daycare from my home, I definitely understand why that is. But it is much harder for parents who do not work 9-5 jobs.

The other issue for them will be leaving the baby with a non=family member. I definitely cried the first day back to work with my oldest in daycare and not with his father who was home 2 days/week with him. I get it completely.

On the upside, the mother is extremely extroverted and social so I have zero concerns about the baby being properly socialized. I think the needs change as kids move from infancy (baby is currently about 7 weeks old) to toddlerhood. And of course, there is always the issue of kids exchanging germs at daycare and school, which is of course, part of the function of daycare and preschool: boost kids' immune systems by constant exposure to lots of different individuals. But it sucks when you need a back up because your kid has a fever or is vomiting or has diarrhea.

That does sound quite a bit harder. Maybe if you're there for the week you could do some of the pick-up and drop off at daycare on a Tuesday and Thursday. It sounds like they're wanting to maximize their savings, so I understand if that's not something they want to do, but it might be worth thinking about.

They'll get socialized ok, but time around kids will be a nice little cherry on top. I recall last winter my wife had a friend over who had a kid that was about a year younger than our eldest. Our son was 3.75 at that point, and this younger kid kept running at and knocking him over. But our boy had spent so much time in daycare that he recognized what was happening and didn't retaliate. It's little things like that they pick up. His social skills are pretty exceptional now. Something to think about anyway.

How are the wait lists for child care where they are? Are they on a wait list? In my location parents are encouraged to put themselves on a wait list at the time of conception, but our city is quite lacking.
 
Anybody have any experience with grandparents serving as daycare ( in child’s home)? There is a potential situation where I become daycare for my grandchild. It is all very TBD right now. I am willing to do it but my biggest concern is the travel distance/time with winter and potential for poor driving conditions approaching. We are two hours apart ( in good weather conditions and not rush hour) and the deal would be that I stayed over during the parents’ work week, going to stay Sunday afternoon and returning home possibly Friday mornings —or Thursday afternoons if parents were home early enough —if the 4 day work week happens. It would be harder if both parents are on the same 5 day work week.

My personal concerns are if weather becomes so severe that I simply cannot get there ( genuine possibility) and me not having much actual time at home.

But the big concern is not overstepping my bounds with the parents, and avoiding any issues that might come up.

As you are all aware, daycare expenses for an infant are huge. They would essentially wipe out all of the mother’s earnings. Long term this would be difficult, especially as one vehicle will need replacing at some point in the not too distant future.

There is also the potential risk for them to move much nearer by but that would involve finding new jobs, selling their current t home and purchasing another one. Or re ring out their current home and living with us for a shorty while as they house hunt. Hubby may/may not retire in the spring but definitely dues not want to move to their more urban area. It’s just more stressful to deal with increased noise and traffic. Even son who could not wait to get out of our town is starting to look at the quieter, slower pace of life outside the Big City and suburbs.

BUT no move is likely to happen soon. They are exploring their options now but I’m on their list.

Any advice for me, the grandmother?

Child care's a hard one. IMO, if they can get their kid in an environment where they're interacting with other kids that is more ideal. So they should explore every avenue and grandma should be a last resort (if it were me). But if licensed child care isn't feasible than you've got to do what you have to do. There are often daycares run out of people's home that will be less expensive (and some run by registered ECEs).

I'm going to guess that social programs may not be as readily available for you as they are here, but for child care around here there are often subsidies available for low income families. That might be worth looking into if that's the kind of thing they'd qualify for.

As for the grandma option, it's really hard to say what would work best in terms of logistics, but I guess it'll just work out how it works out. And I'm not saying it's a big problem if you're the care taker, but consistent interaction with other children is going to be a big boost developmentally, perhaps worth the cost.

ETA: part time daycare is also a thing which gets you the best of both worlds. Some interaction time, some one on one time.
Actually, they probably qualify for subsidized daycare. The trick is finding something that has an opening and is flexible enough to accommodate their hours. She will be working 4 10 hr days and his usual shift goes 11 am -7:30 p.m. A LOT of daycares are very rigid about pickup/drop off times. Having done daycare from my home, I definitely understand why that is. But it is much harder for parents who do not work 9-5 jobs.

The other issue for them will be leaving the baby with a non=family member. I definitely cried the first day back to work with my oldest in daycare and not with his father who was home 2 days/week with him. I get it completely.

On the upside, the mother is extremely extroverted and social so I have zero concerns about the baby being properly socialized. I think the needs change as kids move from infancy (baby is currently about 7 weeks old) to toddlerhood. And of course, there is always the issue of kids exchanging germs at daycare and school, which is of course, part of the function of daycare and preschool: boost kids' immune systems by constant exposure to lots of different individuals. But it sucks when you need a back up because your kid has a fever or is vomiting or has diarrhea.

That does sound quite a bit harder. Maybe if you're there for the week you could do some of the pick-up and drop off at daycare on a Tuesday and Thursday. It sounds like they're wanting to maximize their savings, so I understand if that's not something they want to do, but it might be worth thinking about.

They'll get socialized ok, but time around kids will be a nice little cherry on top. I recall last winter my wife had a friend over who had a kid that was about a year younger than our eldest. Our son was 3.75 at that point, and this younger kid kept running at and knocking him over. But our boy had spent so much time in daycare that he recognized what was happening and didn't retaliate. It's little things like that they pick up. His social skills are pretty exceptional now. Something to think about anyway.

How are the wait lists for child care where they are? Are they on a wait list? In my location parents are encouraged to put themselves on a wait list at the time of conception, but our city is quite lacking.
Heh. I have no idea if they’ve even started applying. This was a surprise pregnancy in a relatively new relationship —and I think a lot of this has been very overwhelming for them both. It was a high risk pregnancy, early delivery and she was re-hospitalized with postpartum pre-eclampsia and has had struggles with postpartum depression, so the overwhelmed part is understandable. I’ve been pretty quiet with advice because for a while they were getting a lot of conflicting advice and they just needed to learn to trust themselves. Yes, I’m a bit frustrated because they’re both smart people who are generally pretty pragmatic.

I’m way sold on socialization for toddlers and up.
 
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