snipTo add or clarify, DD....
I think southernhybrid was thinking of asexuality. I don't know if you would consider yourself asexual or not (I'm guessing not) but in any case the term probably refers to a variety of dispositions (and is even a valid sexual orientation, imo, or perhaps gender role). Some might say it implies a simple lack of feeling sexual urges at all. Which I think would be misleading or at least not that useful, since it should imo cover 'not very strong urges' and therefore be part of a spectrum like almost everything else, where one could be mostly or partly asexual (or sexual). In other cases, I wonder if it could be extended to having urges but there being some kind of...... limitation.... to them, such as for instance not wanting to act on them in certain actual situations. Or it could be a mix of both a (relative) lack of urges combined with not preferring to act on them in certain situations, with one factor informing the other. Now I'm just rabbiting on. I'm not asexual, or should I say I'm largely sexual, or somewhere near the middle of the bell curve shall we say, so I'm only guessing what it or they might be like, and not assuming it's your preferred self-label in any case.
One rather personal question also springs to mind. Luckily there's anonymity here (and no intent to judge, on my part). Have you ever, do you ever or would you ever visit a prostitute? I only ask because it might serve to untangle some of the intertwining strands which are 'sex' on the one hand and 'relationship' (with all the extra baggage as it were) on the other.
One final question, do you recall ever feeling differently when you were younger, in terms of being more attracted to other people, male or female, or more inclined to want to act on that?
Nosey bastard, aren't I?
Yea I've gotten the sense that this was your situation from a number of your posts. And even in reference to your, for lack of a better term, pessimism about other people, I also get that, even coming from a fairly healthy person.
On the first point it sounds to me like circumstances are getting in the way of what you really want out of your life, but you get that and accept it so I don't know that you can ask for more.
On the second point I get it. I'm lucky enough to be with a sensible person who's fun to be around, but when it comes to friendships I really struggle. It's hard to put into words but I don't seem to come across many people who get it, for lack of a better term. And for that reason I often find being around other people more of a chore than anything. So really, other than spending time with my partner, and occasionally our families, I'm pretty isolated. Truth be told I don't really mind because I enjoy my own company, but sometimes it can feel as though I'm a little under-stimulated.
The only place I ever seem to be really intellectually challenged anymore is at this and other forums, which is why I spend so much time online.