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Things that make you laugh...

"Brazilian dancer group" autocorrected to "Bazillion dancer poop."

Great job, professional transcription software.
 
A guy from outside the unit heard a rumor that boss’ boss has selected our manager's replacement.

So he stops by my cube and says, “have they announced your new manager, yet?”

But I mis-parsed the question. What I HEARD was “Have they announced, You’re new manager, yet?”

Now, i really, really like my job. I like what i do, my exact level of responsibility, and the fact no one will ever come up to me and ask if i know what one of my workers said at the conference. So, no interest in manager. No interest in promotion, really. Pay raises, sure, but not more responsibility or authority.

Still, it should probably be harder for me to shout ‘Shut your whore mouth’ to people in the workplace.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Still, it should probably be harder for me to shout ‘Shut your whore mouth’ to people in the workplace.
Click to expand...

Seems to me you did just right. You wanted to not be promoted, and you took immediate action to achieve that goal.
 
Hey ...

This letter is not going to take a lot of your energy, and so straight to the condition. I got a video of you polishing the family jewels while at the pornweb site you are been to, due to a fantastic ass program I have been able to put on several websites with that kind of material.

You click play and all the cameras and a microphone start working it also saves every darn element coming from your personal pc, just like contact info, passwords or crap such as dat, guess where i got this e mail from?) So now we all know who my goal is to send out that to, in case you not necessarily planning to negotiate this along with me.

I'll put a account wallet address under that you can hit me 707 bucks in Three dayz utmost via btc. Notice, it's not that big of a sum to pay, guess this would make me not that terrible of a guy.

You are welcome to complete whatever the fuck you want to, yet if i won't see the total in the period of time mentioned above, clearly... u already know what will happen.

Thus it's your responsibility now. I'm not going to move through every detail and stuff, just don't have precious time for that and also you likely know that world-wide-web is filled with text letters like this, so it's also your choice to believe in this not really, there may be only a proven way to figure out.

This is the bitcoin address-


----------------------------------------
1E56hu8CzPiKDec68MVDGLhBW2K7J23fKh
----------------------------------------


Have fun and bear in mind that wall clock is beating
 
spikepipsqueak said:
Hey ...

This letter is not going to take a lot of your energy, and so straight to the condition. I got a video of you polishing the family jewels while at the pornweb site you are been to, due to a fantastic ass program I have been able to put on several websites with that kind of material.

You click play and all the cameras and a microphone start working it also saves every darn element coming from your personal pc, just like contact info, passwords or crap such as dat, guess where i got this e mail from?) So now we all know who my goal is to send out that to, in case you not necessarily planning to negotiate this along with me.

I'll put a account wallet address under that you can hit me 707 bucks in Three dayz utmost via btc. Notice, it's not that big of a sum to pay, guess this would make me not that terrible of a guy.

You are welcome to complete whatever the fuck you want to, yet if i won't see the total in the period of time mentioned above, clearly... u already know what will happen.

Thus it's your responsibility now. I'm not going to move through every detail and stuff, just don't have precious time for that and also you likely know that world-wide-web is filled with text letters like this, so it's also your choice to believe in this not really, there may be only a proven way to figure out.

This is the bitcoin address-


----------------------------------------
1E56hu8CzPiKDec68MVDGLhBW2K7J23fKh
----------------------------------------


Have fun and bear in mind that wall clock is beating
Click to expand...

You better pay 'em because this is the IRS and the local cops are going to arrest you. (I found that one so funny I had to call them back after their umpteenth message. Wasted a good 45 minutes of their time (and mine) before getting a well-earned "fuck you!" out of them, after finally asking if anyone really fell for their scam.)
 
I suspect that their major problem would be that the type of person who would be spooked and want to pay would not be the type to know how to access bitcoin.
 
Elixir said:
spikepipsqueak said:
Hey ...

This letter is not going to take a lot of your energy, and so straight to the condition. I got a video of you polishing the family jewels while at the pornweb site you are been to, due to a fantastic ass program I have been able to put on several websites with that kind of material.

You click play and all the cameras and a microphone start working it also saves every darn element coming from your personal pc, just like contact info, passwords or crap such as dat, guess where i got this e mail from?) So now we all know who my goal is to send out that to, in case you not necessarily planning to negotiate this along with me.

I'll put a account wallet address under that you can hit me 707 bucks in Three dayz utmost via btc. Notice, it's not that big of a sum to pay, guess this would make me not that terrible of a guy.

You are welcome to complete whatever the fuck you want to, yet if i won't see the total in the period of time mentioned above, clearly... u already know what will happen.

Thus it's your responsibility now. I'm not going to move through every detail and stuff, just don't have precious time for that and also you likely know that world-wide-web is filled with text letters like this, so it's also your choice to believe in this not really, there may be only a proven way to figure out.

This is the bitcoin address-


----------------------------------------
1E56hu8CzPiKDec68MVDGLhBW2K7J23fKh
----------------------------------------


Have fun and bear in mind that wall clock is beating
Click to expand...

You better pay 'em because this is the IRS and the local cops are going to arrest you. (I found that one so funny I had to call them back after their umpteenth message. Wasted a good 45 minutes of their time (and mine) before getting a well-earned "fuck you!" out of them, after finally asking if anyone really fell for their scam.)
Click to expand...

I’ve done that before too. Gave them a fake SSAN and all. Then told them I was really with the CIA and was using the phone call to get a fix on their position for the incoming drone strike. Oh, and Mohammed was a bottom. They were probably Hindu though.

SLD
 
My brother got a lot of "Your Windows 10 OS has malware" crap scams calls. Usually from India, which was obvious by their poor quality English. He runs Linux. He usually plays along a bit but then turns the conversation to India's notorious lack of toilets in many parts of India. Hilarity ensues. And this is how you wind up an Indian scam caller.
 
Cheerful Charlie said:
My brother got a lot of "Your Windows 10 OS has malware" crap scams calls. Usually from India, which was obvious by their poor quality English. He runs Linux. He usually plays along a bit but then turns the conversation to India's notorious lack of toilets in many parts of India. Hilarity ensues. And this is how you wind up an Indian scam caller.
Click to expand...

Back in the hayday of the Nigerian Prince email scams, I was a mod at a site dedicated to debunking stuff. There came to be a contest to see if anyone could turn the tables on one of those scammers, and it became epic. Probably 40 pages of email text were involved in the winning "transaction", which took almost 6 months. But lo and behold, one of our members finally convinced one of them to wire him $300 to provide for the release of huge megabucks from a fictitious church account. Yes, it was an impressive win, but the best part was the sheer unbelievability of the yarn he spun. From the names and titles he assumed and invented to the amounts of money at his disposal (if only he had the $300), it was all transparently and obviously fake. Those guys were so gullible in their greed, it made sense that they'd assume the same about everyone else. Kinda like Trump, when you come to think about it...
 
Papa loves mambo
Mama loves mambo
Look at 'em sway with it, gettin' so gay with it
Shoutin' Olé with it, wow!







Now it's in your head.

You're welcome.
 
Bought gas at a kwik-e-mart downtown. Walked inside to finish the transaction.
A women at the next pump finished pumping, then drove across the lot to finish her transaction. She just drove straight across the lot, ended up straddling the two parking spaces in front of the doors. I''m sure her rationalization was that she was just going to be 'a second,' getting the change back from her purchase.
But she was not going to be 'just a second.' There was a van full of track kids on the way back from a competition. Every teen was in line to make a purchase of snackage.

So, we had quite a while in the line. The driver ended up right behind me. After a few minutes, i realized i had to fart. i further realized that i didn't care. She spat on the social contract, so poopies to her. I let it loose.
Silent and deadly. Stank the place up.
We moved forward slowly. I saw at least two cars edge up to park but were stymied by the idiot parking job. I whiffed a time or two more.
Finally, i was the next in line, once the teen in front of my stopped trying to purchase cigarettes. With a fake ID. While wearing his team shirt. Brilliant criminal. Anyway, right then, i farted. This wasn't silent. For some reason, more of a trumpet quality.
"Some people are disgusting," the woman behind me muttered.
"Yes, it's pretty bad," i agreed. I pointed. "But at least i don't park like that fucking idiot."
No response. Kinda frosted her ass, i think. The room temp dropped 2 degrees, but so quietly...
 
Called my 80yo Dad. Asked how he was doing.
"Diem carpe!" he said.
"Well, you sound chipper. What have you been up to?"
"Diem carpe!" he repeats.
"Yeah, seize the day. You know, Youngest took Latin, and you were Pre Med, but i did see Dead Poets Society. But, dad, it's 'carpe diem.' "
"Nope," he explains. Still chipper. "No, today i had a seizure."
"You know if there's one man on Earth i can always call a motherfucker, it's you, Dad."
Wife and kids are strangely unsympathetic to my complaints about Dad's sense of humor.....
 
The rest of us now have a clearer idea of where you get it from. :)

Assuming, from the fact that he can process Latin and still has his sense of humour, that he will come out the other side OK?
 
spikepipsqueak said:
The rest of us now have a clearer idea of where you get it from. :)

Assuming, from the fact that he can process Latin and still has his sense of humour, that he will come out the other side OK?
Click to expand...
Probably. He was making choking sounds when i hung up.
The same sounds he made when the flight attendant made him put his supplemental oxygen in the overhead bin. So, probably okay.
 
Keith&Co. said:
spikepipsqueak said:
The rest of us now have a clearer idea of where you get it from. :)

Assuming, from the fact that he can process Latin and still has his sense of humour, that he will come out the other side OK?
Click to expand...
Probably. He was making choking sounds when i hung up.
The same sounds he made when the flight attendant made him put his supplemental oxygen in the overhead bin. So, probably okay.
Click to expand...

You got a family portrait with the two of you in TRex suits?
 
jonatha said:
Keith&Co. said:
spikepipsqueak said:
The rest of us now have a clearer idea of where you get it from. :)

Assuming, from the fact that he can process Latin and still has his sense of humour, that he will come out the other side OK?
Click to expand...
Probably. He was making choking sounds when i hung up.
The same sounds he made when the flight attendant made him put his supplemental oxygen in the overhead bin. So, probably okay.
Click to expand...

You got a family portrait with the two of you in TRex suits?
Click to expand...

You know, if we had an agreement to show up somewhere in trex suits, i'd be in Trixie, he'd show up as a big game hunter with a necklace of Trex teeth....
 
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