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Things that make you laugh...

James Brown said:
Last night I watched some grade-school kids play with a rotary dial telephone. It wasn't hooked up--it was just a prop for a play. But they were looking at it as if it had dropped out of an alien spacecraft.

"Do you put your finger in the holes?"

"Why does it say 'Operator'?

"I know! You spin the dial with your finger, then you push it back."

I felt both amused and old at the same time.
Click to expand...
I told a kid, "Call me!" and made the gesture. Thumb at my temple, pinkie at my chin.
He stared at me. To him, you pantomime a phone call by holding your hand flat next to your face. He thought i was gesturing for Spider-man webbing himself in the ear...
 
My wife, English teacher, had to cover for a science class the other day.

The permanent teacher was out for a medical appt. one day, and another day of recovery.
She had left instructions for whoever substituted her classes.
She did not, however, leave a big note on the bowl of eggs in the back. In the book cabinet. Not refrigerated.
A note like 'These eggs are for an experiment we're running on Friday' might have at least slowed the sub down.
But she apparently saw nothing wrong with eating a couple of eggs from the back of the classroom. Then went home with food poisoning the next day.

I'm afraid to even SMELL stuff at random in a chemistry class, much less eat it.
 
I was watching Family Feud. The survey question was "Things you chew but don't swallow."

The contestant, a younger woman, said quite sheepishly, "Sperm."

True story.
 
Keith&Co. said:
My wife, English teacher, had to cover for a science class the other day.

The permanent teacher was out for a medical appt. one day, and another day of recovery.
She had left instructions for whoever substituted her classes.
She did not, however, leave a big note on the bowl of eggs in the back. In the book cabinet. Not refrigerated.
A note like 'These eggs are for an experiment we're running on Friday' might have at least slowed the sub down.
But she apparently saw nothing wrong with eating a couple of eggs from the back of the classroom. Then went home with food poisoning the next day.

I'm afraid to even SMELL stuff at random in a chemistry class, much less eat it.
Click to expand...

Had a really great chemistry teacher in 9th grade. He was fearless and completely responsive to any student's curiosity.
I was so sad when we blew up the lab...
 
Elixir said:
Keith&Co. said:
My wife, English teacher, had to cover for a science class the other day.

The permanent teacher was out for a medical appt. one day, and another day of recovery.
She had left instructions for whoever substituted her classes.
She did not, however, leave a big note on the bowl of eggs in the back. In the book cabinet. Not refrigerated.
A note like 'These eggs are for an experiment we're running on Friday' might have at least slowed the sub down.
But she apparently saw nothing wrong with eating a couple of eggs from the back of the classroom. Then went home with food poisoning the next day.

I'm afraid to even SMELL stuff at random in a chemistry class, much less eat it.
Click to expand...

Had a really great chemistry teacher in 9th grade. He was fearless and completely responsive to any student's curiosity.
I was so sad when we blew up the lab...
Click to expand...

Our chemistry teacher used to say things like "This experiment was banned from schools in 1956, so we had better do it in the fume cupboard". He was infamous for making a smoke bomb and unleashing it on a bunch of kids who were running noisily in the corridor outside his lab.

But his finest moment came when the inspector from the local education authority discovered that he still had a stash of metallic sodium in the chemical store, in contravention of the latest safety regulations for school laboratories. He was directed to dispose of this material as soon as possible; So he gathered his entire A level class at the school swimming pool, where he preceded to demonstrate the behaviour of a kilo of metallic sodium in a chlorinated pool.

It shot around the pool, on fire, making a hissing roar, generating clouds of steam illuminated from within by the flames, and occasionally bouncing off the sides of the pool. It remains one of the most impressive things I have seen.

The PE teacher never did work out how the pool chemicals got so massively out of balance. Or how so many of the tiles at the waterline got cracked.
 
bilby said:
Elixir said:
Keith&Co. said:
My wife, English teacher, had to cover for a science class the other day.

The permanent teacher was out for a medical appt. one day, and another day of recovery.
She had left instructions for whoever substituted her classes.
She did not, however, leave a big note on the bowl of eggs in the back. In the book cabinet. Not refrigerated.
A note like 'These eggs are for an experiment we're running on Friday' might have at least slowed the sub down.
But she apparently saw nothing wrong with eating a couple of eggs from the back of the classroom. Then went home with food poisoning the next day.

I'm afraid to even SMELL stuff at random in a chemistry class, much less eat it.
Click to expand...

Had a really great chemistry teacher in 9th grade. He was fearless and completely responsive to any student's curiosity.
I was so sad when we blew up the lab...
Click to expand...

Our chemistry teacher used to say things like "This experiment was banned from schools in 1956, so we had better do it in the fume cupboard". He was infamous for making a smoke bomb and unleashing it on a bunch of kids who were running noisily in the corridor outside his lab.

But his finest moment came when the inspector from the local education authority discovered that he still had a stash of metallic sodium in the chemical store, in contravention of the latest safety regulations for school laboratories. He was directed to dispose of this material as soon as possible; So he gathered his entire A level class at the school swimming pool, where he preceded to demonstrate the behaviour of a kilo of metallic sodium in a chlorinated pool.

It shot around the pool, on fire, making a hissing roar, generating clouds of steam illuminated from within by the flames, and occasionally bouncing off the sides of the pool. It remains one of the most impressive things I have seen.

The PE teacher never did work out how the pool chemicals got so massively out of balance. Or how so many of the tiles at the waterline got cracked.
Click to expand...

A KILO???!?!? Sorry I wasn't there. In 10th grade (different school) we had what I thought was a great chem lab, stocked with everything I had ever heard of and more. The metallic sodium was a particular hit when we (I and another kid) discovered that you could drop a tiny bit into the keyhole of dorm rooms, follow it with a few drops of water from a syringe, and it would weld the latch mechanism in place, preventing the door from being opened. But the best was the metallic lithium. We had been warned that it was dangerous stuff, but of course had to find out for ourselves. It was kept (iirc, this was long ago) in oil in a very dark bottle of about 4 oz. Having stolen the bottle several of us made our way to a small (~200' diam) pond nearby, loosened the lid a bit and hurled in into the middle of the pond. Nothing happened for a while, but then... it was spectacular. Looked exactly like D-Day images of artillery hitting the water off Normandy. We ran when fish started floating up...
 
The primary loop of the first nuclear reactor in Arco was pressurized Sodium. One of the engineers was telling me about spending his lunch breaks taking a jar of the stuff out to a pond and tossing pebbles into the water to watch 'em explode.

He was supposed to be addressing the Physics classes on science and technology, but just told sea stories about playing pranks on other engineers.
 
hurtinbuckaroo said:
Get caught with a kilo of sodium now, and you might end up at Gitmo.
Click to expand...

What's wrong with a kilo of sodium? I have at least 100 kilos of it in the garage. No hazard--it's safely bound with chlorine.

(The stack of bags I picked up the last time water softener salt was on a good deal.)
 
The following conversation was had today at school in a prep class supposedly doing fine motor colouring.

Student (B): Miss, you’re cute.

Me (T) : thanks B, that’s nice.

B: your dress is nice.

T: thanks B

B: I like your hair.

T: thanks B (feeling quite good round about now)

B: and you’re fat! (Hmmmm)

T: yep, I am,

Another student J: and you got big boobs!

Cue raucous laughter from kids, teacher I am relieving, teacher aid and myself!

A great way to end the week!
 
My sister works for an arts & crafts supply company. Paints, fibers, tools, how-to videos. She's in charge of setting up booths for trade shows. The conniving little weasel has convinced her bosses there is a market for gamers. So she gets paid to travel to scifi and gaming conventions to set up booths and demonstrations for painting figures, dice towers, whatever they can think of.
And once the booth is operational, she has nothing to do but wander around the convention, since she's not allowed near the artists (for much the same reason i stand between the engineers and the Customer).

Anyway, she has a collection of gaming figures made for their catalog, and no actual game to use them in.
So, naturally, she made adisco. Like you do.
Fighting unicorns, griffins taking flight, club swinging trolls, all look remarkably "dancey" on top of a lighted floor, under the silver ball, in front of the mirror... lights blinking on the ceiling over her cubicle....

She just complained that the elf archer doesn't quite fit.
'He's doing Madonna's Vogue,' i suggested. I really thought Erroll Flynn was mentioned in that song.
But, he's not. So i suggested she just lie. 'Ever see what Gene Kelly could do with a bow, arrow, and a percussive beat? Look it up. Youtube must have it.'
 
Thought I'd leave this right here for you, Keith. :p

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Looks like you have to click it to see it right... not sure why
 

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Dad's old. Starting to lose it.
I said i was grilling some ribeye steaks.
He advises me, you gotta broil those sucker for half an hour.
What? No, seven, flip em, then five.
He insists 30 min per side.
"Jesus, what size cow do you think i killed?"
 
Had bleeding in my eye. Big black swirls across my vision, difficulty reading small print. Vision became more 'cloudy' as the blood dissipated.
Couldn't get ahold of my ophthalmologist's office, so i went home from work. Laid down, let the blood settle, got reabsorbed.
Today, found that the new Manager has not been read in on my chronic eye problems.
Where's Keith?
He went home.
Is he okay?
He's fine. Just some blood in his eye.
He cut his forehead?
No, not bleeding into his eye. He's bleeding _in_ his eye.
Oh, my God! Does someone need to drive him to the hospital?
No, it's not an emergency. He does this.
He's done thus...before?
Yeah. Watch him at meetings. He looks towards the light, then says tge floaties look like a dragon, or a map of the Mirkwood, or something.

I didn't hear about this conversation until halfwsy thru the day. Why is Bill staring at me, but won't look me in the eye?
He's staring AT your eye. We told him about the blood.
Ah.
 
I Think a great thing about Thanksgiving is repeating several generations of traditions passed down with care and attention.
Menu items, recipes, THE carving knife... and 8 hours in the kitchen asking where random utensils or containers are, always culminating in the same Old Country punchline Grandma taught me, which my kids will someday share with their significant others and offspring: "Well, who the fuck put it THERE.!?"
 
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