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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
gmbteach said:
as they generally find life in general to be challenging in some respect.
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Yep. That was me. Life was one big gauntlet slapped across my face.
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Keith&Co, I can believe it.

I am starting to develop the ability to work out which kids are gifted, talented, challenging with regards to academics or behaviour, the avoiders, etc without being told by the teacher and within an hour of teaching a class. For some reason, I gravitate towards them in an effort to help them.

I have told Bilby this, and I will tell you the same thing: I wish I had of had you in my class. You would have made it an interesting and amusing place to be. And I reckon I could have challenged you.
 
I just read this sentence in an article about food:
I don't think anyone would argue that whole grain toast is better for you than a Pop Tart
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and it took me quite some time to realise that the author (an American) was not completely crazy.

I most assuredly would argue that whole grain toast is better for you than a Pop Tart. But that's not what she means - what she is trying to say is more like "I don't think anyone would argue [against the position] that whole grain toast is better for you than a Pop Tart".

Americans. They say stupid stuff like this, completely reversing their intended meaning, and then claim to be speaking English :rolleyesa:

Next they will be saying "All people in jail are not guilty" when they mean "Not all people in jail are guilty"; or they will say they could care less, when clearly they couldn't.
 
Every time I see a new post in Rants about the disabled parking, it reminds me of this awesomeness:

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrgpZ0fUixs[/YOUTUBE]
 
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect.......
 
My GPS was ordering me around yesterday. She sent me to Spokane Ave.
But she was pronouncing the street 'Science Officer, Abel's Fratricidal Brother.'
Or: "Turn left on Spock-Kane Ave."

And apparently, she couldn't tell the difference between me being ON the viaduct or driving UNDER the viaduct. I was told to take exits that didn't exist and it took me a while to fgure out where she thought i was....
 
Keith&Co. said:
My GPS was ordering me around yesterday. She sent me to Spokane Ave.
But she was pronouncing the street 'Science Officer, Abel's Fratricidal Brother.'
Or: "Turn left on Spock-Kane Ave."

And apparently, she couldn't tell the difference between me being ON the viaduct or driving UNDER the viaduct. I was told to take exits that didn't exist and it took me a while to fgure out where she thought i was....
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My GPS always pronounces 'Chamber's Flat Road' not in the approved manner, to refer to the road that goes to the suburb of 'Chamber's Flat'; but rather as though implying that the council have finally run a grader over 'Chamber's Severely Corrugated Road'.
 
bilby said:
Keith&Co. said:
My GPS was ordering me around yesterday. She sent me to Spokane Ave.
But she was pronouncing the street 'Science Officer, Abel's Fratricidal Brother.'
Or: "Turn left on Spock-Kane Ave."

And apparently, she couldn't tell the difference between me being ON the viaduct or driving UNDER the viaduct. I was told to take exits that didn't exist and it took me a while to fgure out where she thought i was....
Click to expand...

My GPS always pronounces 'Chamber's Flat Road' not in the approved manner, to refer to the road that goes to the suburb of 'Chamber's Flat'; but rather as though implying that the council have finally run a grader over 'Chamber's Severely Corrugated Road'.
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Mine really mangled "None" road, although I forget exactly what it did with it.

(Yes, I found a street sign: "None".)
 
Keith&Co. said:
Speaking of mangled: My fortune cookie fortune says "You are the mast of every situation."
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Okay, NOW that makes sense.

I'm halfway through a root canal. The temporary cap on the tooth broke in half during lunch. So the needle now sticks up out of my jaw like a mast out of a submarine's sail.
 
Keith&Co. said:
My GPS was ordering me around yesterday. She sent me to Spokane Ave.
But she was pronouncing the street 'Science Officer, Abel's Fratricidal Brother.'
Or: "Turn left on Spock-Kane Ave."

And apparently, she couldn't tell the difference between me being ON the viaduct or driving UNDER the viaduct. I was told to take exits that didn't exist and it took me a while to fgure out where she thought i was....
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Chicago has an Upper Wacker Drive and a Lower Wacker Drive one on top of the other, which can make GPS-assisted navigation quite entertaining at times.

 
We're moving. My whole unit is being moved across the building so they can concentrate another unit into this space.
We're taking the opportunity to throw out a lot of stuff. Or, my boss is making me take the opportunity...

A number of business records kept against a need to explain choices that were never required, training for systems that no longer exist, jokes that aren't funny any more (making fun of a business initiative that we thought was doomed to failure, for example. It failed. No one understands the jokes about a business unit that hasn't existed for 13 years...)

Anyway, to recycle the paper, all clips and yellow stickies and staples have to be removed. Headphones on, I've become something of an automaton sorting through the stacks to remove staples and binders and clips and....

And just spent two minutes trying to get the tip of my staple remover under a staple that was actually a Xerox copy of a staple....
 
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