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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
Manager of our sister unit was dreading a particular meeting today.
We asked if there was any way he could get out of it, if it was going to be such an ordeal.

"No, I have to go. My coworkers are going and they might try to contribute."
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This a case of "it's so sad it's funny"?
 
Underseer said:
https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/woman-arrested-for-training-squirrels-to-attack-her-ex-boyfriend/

First, I have no idea if this source is credible, so take this with a grain of salt. If this is true, then I am a bad person for laughing at this. I mean the man lost two fingers and a testicle. Still, I couldn't help but think "It's the real life version of Squirrel Girl! Now I know the real reason all those supervillains are terrified of her!"

54b82135585b6-1.jpg
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It is not... think of the Onion, but in clickbait format.
 
I used to have one of those answering machines.. before the days of voicemail being standard, these machines would answer your land line and play an outgoing message from a tape... then record the message on another tape for you listen to later. (Tapes were analog storage media.. like when people used to store their media instead of just steaming it.. they would actually buy and keep it.. on tapes... like savages.
Anyway, I had accidentally called a wrong number.. cause you had to dial an actual number.. not like just saying "call mom" or whatever... you needed to memorize the whole thing and dial it... oh, phones had dials on them.. dialing a number meant actually turning a wheel to the number you wanted... 7 times.
Shit, this story is getting long... I know what they mean when they say its impossible to talk to your kids... anyway...
So.. back in the day, when you called a wrong number (there were phone numbers back then that no one had... like unusued numbers), a recording would play stating the error, sometimes saying (boo-boo-beep) "The number you have reached, 800-555-2-Thousand, has been changed. The new number is 800-555-3001"... or whatever. Oh ya.. people changed phone numbers every time they moved back then... so changing phone numbers happened all the time.
The recording gave me an idea. I used a tape recorder (see above) to record the messages I get when randomly calling phone numbers (if it rang instead of erroring, I just hung up). I recorded dozens of those "Boo-Boo-Beep" messages. I then edited them together and recorded it as my outgoing message on my answering machine tape. It went like this:

(Boo-Boo-Beep) "The number you have dialed, [my phone number] has been changed. The new number is 303-555-1612,586,382,999...99. 853,666....hundred".

It was about 5 days before my father got me at home and told me, "son, somethings terribly wrong with your phone".
 
ZiprHead said:
Keith&Co. said:
James Brown said:
but has to be patient when he starts acting like a toddler from time to time.
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Sounds like me and my .... Holy crap! I have Alzheimer's!
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I just read about a new alzheimer's vaccine that has shown some great promise in mice. I hope for my wife's best friend's sake it works out. She's already lost one brother to the affliction, another is in care for it, and she's scared to death of getting it.
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Wow, that is so cool that your wife's best friend is a mouse. I bet she knows where all the best cheese is.
 
Gun Nut said:
I used to have one of those answering machines.. before the days of voicemail being standard, these machines would answer your land line and play an outgoing message from a tape... then record the message on another tape for you listen to later. (Tapes were analog storage media.. like when people used to store their media instead of just steaming it.. they would actually buy and keep it.. on tapes... like savages.
Anyway, I had accidentally called a wrong number.. cause you had to dial an actual number.. not like just saying "call mom" or whatever... you needed to memorize the whole thing and dial it... oh, phones had dials on them.. dialing a number meant actually turning a wheel to the number you wanted... 7 times.
Shit, this story is getting long... I know what they mean when they say its impossible to talk to your kids... anyway...
So.. back in the day, when you called a wrong number (there were phone numbers back then that no one had... like unusued numbers), a recording would play stating the error, sometimes saying (boo-boo-beep) "The number you have reached, 800-555-2-Thousand, has been changed. The new number is 800-555-3001"... or whatever. Oh ya.. people changed phone numbers every time they moved back then... so changing phone numbers happened all the time.
The recording gave me an idea. I used a tape recorder (see above) to record the messages I get when randomly calling phone numbers (if it rang instead of erroring, I just hung up). I recorded dozens of those "Boo-Boo-Beep" messages. I then edited them together and recorded it as my outgoing message on my answering machine tape. It went like this:

(Boo-Boo-Beep) "The number you have dialed, [my phone number] has been changed. The new number is 303-555-1612,586,382,999...99. 853,666....hundred".

It was about 5 days before my father got me at home and told me, "son, somethings terribly wrong with your phone".
Click to expand...

A friend had one of those old answering machines that had a remote that made an audible modulated noise for retrieving messages remotely. I was able to get his messages by remembering and reproducing the noise... hi tech for the day!
 
Night hike, we are heading out. There's a woman in the group wearing some sort of dark leggings, a white garment that was probably a long t-shirt and then a dark jacket over it. The result (I'm sure unintentional) was her ass was white, everything else was dark. The experienced people all have headband lights (although you see the occasional one that's part owl and doesn't always use their light), they're always pointed down and ahead. The center point of the light the guy behind was wearing fell on her ass--the whole thing looked like someone was spotlighting her ass.

(Yes, I live in the desert. The trail in question is almost devoid of cactus and has none of the really nasty varieties, nor is there any spot along there where blundering off the trail would be serious.)
 
Keith&Co. said:
So, I found some lollipops shaped like dinosaurs.
I found a Halloween basket shaped like a dinosaur.
I rode around the cubicles on my dinosaur, distributing dinolollis from my dinobasket and all people ask is:
"Is this some sort of holiday I don't know about?"

Um, yeah. It's Wednesday.
View attachment 19936
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Tomorrow is National Oreo Cookie Day.
I have two cases of 4-packs of Oreo Cookies.

THIS time, if they ask 'is it a holiday?' I can rattle off Oreo Statistics.
"Back when Nabiso was the National Biscuit Company...."
 
18 nearly identical conversations today:


“Happy National Oreo Cookie Day!”
“Is that really a thing?”
“Invented in 1912, by the National Biscuit Company…”

Then it varies. Some reply with 'Yeah, yeah, okay!'
Some tell me to shut up.
One sat still and waited to see just how much I had prepared.

-----
My wife took a case of cookies to school. Reports that two people's response was “Is that really a thing?”

She did not have a spiel prepared, just the URL for the 'National Day' site.
 
Not sure if 'makes me laugh...' Certainly gobsmacked.

My son lost a coworker yesterday. Where he works, they sign into their timesheets online. And they have access to their accounts from off-campus.
This individual would get up, sign into his job at 0600, then shower, dress, drive in, grab a smoke, and finally take his station at about 0700.
And was surprised that the company did not approve of this behavior....
 
Upon my discharge from the hospital, they made a folow-up appt. with my primary doctor.
My wife pointed out this would be an opportunity to discuss my pneumonia AND two or four things i keep forgetting to mention at other appointments. An unexplained chest pain, an ER visit, blisters where my ECG sensors were attached.

So, five minutes into the exam, i pull out my list of talking points. "I also wanted to mention...."
He took the list from me. "I see you're married."
 
Keith&Co. said:
So, five minutes into the exam, i pull out my list of talking points. "I also wanted to mention...."
He took the list from me. "I see you're married."
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Told this story at work.
The married men laughed.
The single men and women looked confused.




The married women nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."
 
A coworker has had a string of bad luck. A tree branch blew off in a windstorm and hit his car, another tree bashed the rental he's driving while that car was fixed, his insurance agent is suspicious about TWO trees falling apart in two storms in one week...

He sighed, "If it was raining pussy, I'd get one that already had a dick in it." Interesting phrase. Never heard it before.

I took, "I'd get one" to mean "I would receive" or "the one I'd end up with."

The guy beside me thought that by 'I'd get one' he was saying, "I would choose the one."

Has spent two days wondering why our unlucky coworker would choose a previously occupied pussy. Is now terribly worried that the guy is gay. Asked me if his wife knows...?

Took half an hour to straighten out the confusion.

This is EXACTLY why I wear the dinosaur costume to the office. So people won't talk to me.
 
Keith&Co. said:
A coworker has had a string of bad luck. A tree branch blew off in a windstorm and hit his car, another tree bashed the rental he's driving while that car was fixed, his insurance agent is suspicious about TWO trees falling apart in two storms in one week...

He sighed, "If it was raining pussy, I'd get one that already had a dick in it." Interesting phrase. Never heard it before.

I took, "I'd get one" to mean "I would receive" or "the one I'd end up with."

The guy beside me thought that by 'I'd get one' he was saying, "I would choose the one."

Has spent two days wondering why our unlucky coworker would choose a previously occupied pussy. Is now terribly worried that the guy is gay. Asked me if his wife knows...?

Took half an hour to straighten out the confusion.

This is EXACTLY why I wear the dinosaur costume to the office. So people won't talk to me.
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Where I grew up, the phrase was "He's so unlucky, if he fell into a bucket of tits, he'd come out sucking his thumb".
 
A related idiom: "I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar."
 
As unlucky as a blind man in a roomful of women and fish and only tasting fish.
 
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