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Joke gallery

blastula said:
How different generations answer this question...

"Am I fat?"

Boomer: You could probably lose a couple of pounds

Milenial: No, you're beautiful

Gen Z: We don't body shame, of course you're not

Gen X: I have 5 fat friends, and you're 4 of them
Click to expand...

:)
This makes me wish I could find an old cartoon I once saw.

A dude is in a hospital bed, he's bandaged and in casts. He's chatting with a friend who is visiting.
"But her new dress did make her ass look big."
Tom
 
A lady checks into a motel on her 80th birthday. She's been a widow for 20 years, and she's lonely and horny. On an impulse she googles the local male escorts and she finds one who calls himself Tuxedo Tom. He looks just like a young Erik Estrada -- muscular, feathered hair, a naughty grin. His ad says he gives massages. So she dials his number. A deep voice answers, "Good evening."
She gets a burst of courage and says, "I hear you give wonderful massages, and I'd like you to come up to my room at the Best Western. I'm in 216. And -- I'll just say it -- I'm up for a hot night of just plain getting down. Bring everything -- leather, rubber, whipped cream, whatever. You can cover me in chocolate sauce and top me off with a cherry. Trust me, the tips will be worth it. How does that sound?"
The man says, "That sounds wonderful, ma'am, but you have to push 9 for an outside line."
 
A man goes to a sleazy part of town to look for a prostitute. He finds one and asks her, "Hey, sister, how much is a blow job?"
She says, "A blow job will cost you $150."
He says, "No way. What will you do for fifty bucks?"
She says, "For fifty bucks, you can have a Goofy Penguin."
He says, "What in hell is that?"
She says, "Give me fifty bucks and I'll show you." He pays her, and she pulls him into an alley. She backs him up against the wall, lowers his pants and undershorts down to his ankles, and makes a big O with her mouth like she's about to blow him. But at the last second she pulls away, straightens up, and walks briskly away.
He waddles after her, yelling, "Wait up! I don't get it! What's a Goofy Penguin??"
 
Q. What’s the difference between a brown noser and a shithead?

A. Depth perception.
 
Bob calls his friend Dan. He's pissed. He says, "Dan, about this DVD you gave me? The one you said was the hottest porn you've ever seen?"
Dan says, "What's the problem? Is the disc not playing?"
Bob says, "No, it loaded up fine in the player. But I've been watching it for ten minutes now, and the image is so dark you can hardly see a thing. All I see is some fat guy sitting on a chair, jerking off. Oh wait, I didn't turn the TV on."
 
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