ideologyhunter
Contributor
If you combine the House Republicans with 100 Lesbians, what do you have?
319 people who don't do dick.
319 people who don't do dick.
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Features
Joke gallery
- Thread starter laughing dog
- Start date
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2002
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- 42,183
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- Frozen in Michigan
- Gender
- Old Fart
- Basic Beliefs
- Don't be a dick.
ideologyhunter
Contributor
Beagle walks into a telegraph office and grabs a blank form. He writes:
WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.
WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.
WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.
He pushes the form over to the clerk, who looks at it and says, "You only have nine words. For the same money, I can put in one more WOOF."
The beagle cocks his head and says, "But then it wouldn't make any sense."
WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.
WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.
WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.
He pushes the form over to the clerk, who looks at it and says, "You only have nine words. For the same money, I can put in one more WOOF."
The beagle cocks his head and says, "But then it wouldn't make any sense."
ideologyhunter
Contributor
Rufus and Waylon are sitting on the cabin porch and bored as hell. Rufus says, "Lets you and me play 20 Questions. I'll write somethin on this paper and you have to guess it in 20 questions." He scribbles DONKEY DICK on the paper and says, "Okay, go."
Waylon says, "Okay, is it somethin you can eat?"
Rufus snickers and says, "I reckon you could, if you wanted."
Waylon says, "Is it donkey dick?"
Waylon says, "Okay, is it somethin you can eat?"
Rufus snickers and says, "I reckon you could, if you wanted."
Waylon says, "Is it donkey dick?"
SLD
Contributor
With the Super Bowl happening in Las Vegas for the first tim, Prostitutes are offering the Travis Kelce special: For an extra $50 you can score in their tight end!
bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2007
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- 36,499
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- Strong Atheist
I have a pet termite; His name is Clint.
Clint Eatswood
Clint Eatswood
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2002
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- Frozen in Michigan
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“What is a brunette standing between two blondes? An interpreter.”
Elixir
Made in America
spikepipsqueak
My Brane Hertz
That's lovely.
Tigers!
Contributor
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2005
- Messages
- 5,175
- Location
- On the wing, waiting for a kick.
- Basic Beliefs
- Bible believing revelational redemptionist (Baptist)
Why can't you hear pteradactyls on the toilet?
The pee is silent
The pee is silent
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2002
- Messages
- 42,183
- Location
- Frozen in Michigan
- Gender
- Old Fart
- Basic Beliefs
- Don't be a dick.
groan
ideologyhunter
Contributor
How is a pizza cut, in Mexico?
With Little Caesars.
With Little Caesars.
TV and credit cards
Contributor
ideologyhunter
Contributor
I think it was on reddit, in a looooong list of people's favorite groaners.
spikepipsqueak
My Brane Hertz
We have a Funnies board in our library. Today it had.
"I married my wife for her looks, but not the ones she's been giving me lately."
"I married my wife for her looks, but not the ones she's been giving me lately."
bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2007
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- 36,499
- Gender
- He/Him
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- Strong Atheist
Why do people still use the word "hysteria"? Are they not aware of its highly sexist etymology?
I propose we start using a more gender neutral term. We should say Ovary-acting.
I propose we start using a more gender neutral term. We should say Ovary-acting.
unapologetic
50+ years without a god
What I heard was
"73% of internet statistics are made up"
unapologetic
50+ years without a god
Have you heard the term 'headlights', referring to tits.
Elixir
Made in America
That may have been true back in the day of the stick shift, but we’ve gone automatic since then.
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2002
- Messages
- 42,183
- Location
- Frozen in Michigan
- Gender
- Old Fart
- Basic Beliefs
- Don't be a dick.
A young blonde girl from California in her late teens, who moved to Texas, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby up scale neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You're finished already??" the startled husband asked. “Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $20 tip.
"Thank you," the gal said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus…”
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You're finished already??" the startled husband asked. “Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $20 tip.
"Thank you," the gal said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus…”