Joke gallery

[bilby]

I totally deny the allegation that I put superglue on the shooting club's equipment, but they're still sticking to their guns.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Do carpenters go to boarding school?

Do ranchers go to fencing school?

Do squirrels take psychology classes?

Do MRI Technicians go to magnet schools?

Do Pirates go to boarding schools?

 

[gmbteach]

Do carpenters go to boarding school?

Do ranchers go to fencing school?

Do squirrels take psychology classes?

Do MRI Technicians go to magnet schools?

Do Pirates go to boarding schools?

Are all plumbers wet behind the ears?

Do all electricians have sparkling personalities?

Do all roof tilers think they are above it all?

 

[Keith&Co.]

Do trapeze artists go to high school?

Do bigamists go to middle school?

 

[gmbteach]

Do trapeze artists go to high school?

Do bigamists go to middle school?

Do bigamists to to two schools?

Do teachers ever learn?

 

[Kusa]

How many Jews can you fit in a car?

Answer

Spoiler

25. 5 in the seats and 20 in the ashtray.

 

[4321lynx]

Someone is bound to ask, so I will.

If a centipede a pint how much would a precipice?

 

[George S]

When I was young and in my prime,
I used to fap it all the time.
Now that I'm old and grey,
I only do it twice a day.

 

[Treedbear]

They all laughed when I said I was going to become a stand up comic.

Well they're not laughing now!

 

[spikepipsqueak]

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, that's aboriginal.

 

[gmbteach]

 

[Keith&Co.]

So after a coworker's baby was born, he was showing pictures of the mother and child around to everyone in the break room. We asked the name, of course, he smiled and said 'Heather Noel.'
On our way back to our cubicles, my other coworker asked, "Is that a Massachusetts thing?"
"Is WHAT a Massachusetts thing?"
"Well, where I come from, there's never an L in Heather..."

 

[Wiploc]

So after a coworker's baby was born, he was showing pictures of the mother and child around to everyone in the break room. We asked the name, of course, he smiled and said 'Heather Noel.'
On our way back to our cubicles, my other coworker asked, "Is that a Massachusetts thing?"
"Is WHAT a Massachusetts thing?"
"Well, where I come from, there's never an L in Heather..."

Noel Coward was at a party where he encountered Jean Harlow. To be funny, she kept mispronouncing his name, NoEL, like the Christmas greeting.

She persisted in this until he said, "Jean, the E in Noel is as silent as the T in Harlow."

- - - Updated - - -

So after a coworker's baby was born, he was showing pictures of the mother and child around to everyone in the break room. We asked the name, of course, he smiled and said 'Heather Noel.'
On our way back to our cubicles, my other coworker asked, "Is that a Massachusetts thing?"
"Is WHAT a Massachusetts thing?"
"Well, where I come from, there's never an L in Heather..."

Noel Coward was at a party where he encountered Jean Harlow. To be funny, she kept mispronouncing his name, NoEL, like the Christmas greeting.

She persisted in this until he said, "Jean, the E in Noel is as silent as the T in Harlow."

 

[Atheos]

Hey, Wiploc I didn't catch that. Would you mind repeating it?

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

It's a good story, but in reality it wasn't Noel Coward ...

http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/01/13/t-is-silent/

 

[Wiploc]

It's a good story, but in reality it wasn't Noel Coward ...

http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/01/13/t-is-silent/

I'm surprised it was really anybody.

 

[Elixir]

Noel Coward was at a party where he encountered Jean Harlow. To be funny, she kept mispronouncing his name, NoEL, like the Christmas greeting.

She persisted in this until he said, "Jean, the E in Noel is as silent as the T in Harlow."


Noel Coward was at a party where he encountered Jean Harlow. To be funny, she kept mispronouncing his name, NoEL, like the Christmas greeting.

She persisted in this until he said, "Jean, the E in Noel is as silent as the T in Harlow."

You can say THAT again!

 

[Wiploc]

Noel Coward was at a party where he encountered Jean Harlow. To be funny, she kept mispronouncing his name, NoEL, like the Christmas greeting.

She persisted in this until he said, "Jean, the E in Noel is as silent as the T in Harlow."


Noel Coward was at a party where he encountered Jean Harlow. To be funny, she kept mispronouncing his name, NoEL, like the Christmas greeting.

She persisted in this until he said, "Jean, the E in Noel is as silent as the T in Harlow."

 

[ZiprHead]

Stop it! You're going to use up the internet!

 

[Keith&Co.]

Stop it! You're going to use up the internet!

We did that!
Two of my shipmates found out that the email system used within the Strategic Weapons Facility command allowed you to make a rule to send an automatic reply to the person sending it. And then found you could make two rules to send two replies back to whoever sent you a message.

So one morning one of them sent a message to his bud, got two in reply which automatically sent four back, which made 8 replies....Took about 20 minutes to crash the system so hard they got death threats from the IT department.