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An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, beer, drinks, alcohol, happy hour ...
 
That reminds me of this oldie.

A Rabbi, A Catholic priest, and an imam walk into a bar. The barman looks up from wiping the glasses and exclaims: is this a joke!
 
A friend just posted me this.....................................Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
 
Keith&Co. said:
James Brown said:
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, beer, drinks, alcohol, happy hour ...
Click to expand...
At first I felt stupid for having to google SEO expert. Then I just appreciated the irony.
Click to expand...

My issue with that - putting a space after the comma makes crawlers look for the keyword with a space in front of it. Much better (for those who care) to format it like bar,bars,pub,tavern etc.
 
Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying.

"I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you've been having an affair with that chippie secretary in your office," she said. "Why would you do that to me? Haven't I always been the good wife? I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"

Embarrassed, Morris confesses, "It's true, Sadie, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You don't moan when we have sex!"

Sadie questions: "If I moaned when we have sex, you'd stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!"

So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets. As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, "Now, Morris, should I moan now?"

"No, not yet."

Morris begins fondling Sadie. "What about now, Morris? Should I moan now?"

"No, I'll tell you when!"

As he climbs on top of Sophie and begins, she asks, "Is it time for me to moan, Morris?"

"Wait, I'll tell you when."

Moments later, in the heat of passion, Morris yells "Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!"


"OH MORRIS! You wouldn't BELIEVE what a bad day I had! First..."

 
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."
 
So I got a little too toasted at the bar the other night. I decided it would be best to leave my car and take a bus home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a DUI checkpoint. They were stopping everyone, but they just waved the bus on through.

I got home safe and without incident, which is surprising looking back on it as I'd never driven a bus before.
 
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:

Hot dog – $2
Cheeseburger – $5
Hand job – $10
He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” She winks and replies, “why yes I am.” He says, “Well wash your hands very carefully and make me cheeseburger.”
 
I asked my boss what he wanted done with that 6m roll of bubble wrap.
"Just pop it in the corner over there" he said.
Took me 4 1/2 hours.
 
angelo said:
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:

Hot dog – $2
Cheeseburger – $5
Hand job – $10
He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” She winks and replies, “why yes I am.” He says, “Well wash your hands very carefully and make me cheeseburger.”
Click to expand...

Good one.
 
Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in 'The Villages' with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.

"If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

"Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was a big help. "
 
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