• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Joke gallery

Several years ago, a man by the name of Ralph Poindexter came up with a new type of fastener. Naturally, he called it a Poindexter nut, but most people just referred to it as a P-nut.

Well, a couple of years ago, one of the golf club companies developed a club that could be switched from a putter to a wedge by utilizing Poindexter's nut. One merely had to loosen the "P-nut", twist the head and--voila!--the putter became a sand wedge, or vice versa.

The company called this new club

a P-nut putter-sand wedge.

 
“A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.”
 
A woman leaves the pharmacy just in time to catch her bus. She pays her fare, sits down and starts rummaging through her purse for the aspirin she bought. She begins to panic when she cannot find it and starts yelling "My aspirin, my aspirin". The bus driver responds "If it hurts that much lady, stick it out the window".
 
I thought I finally found the Procrastination Club!
Only after I joined I noticed that:

It was the Prozacnation Club!

 
The Quick Thinking Brown Fox

A brown fox somehow finds himself in the jungle. A lion spots him and thinks, "I've never seen his kind around here before but he looks quite edible." With that he starts bounding menacingly towards the fox.

Seeing this in horror the brown fox notices some nearby fresh bones. He pretends to be finishing one off, then says, "That was some damn good lion meat but I'm still hungry. I wish another one would show up!"

The lion stops in his tracks. "Whoa, he must be a lot tougher than he looks. I better get out of here while I can."

A nearby monkey saw all this transpire from his tree. Thinking it would be nice to have the lion indebted to him he went to the lion and told him what had happened.

The lion, enraged by this, said, "Hop on my back. We'll go get him together!"

Seeing the lion approaching quickly with the monkey the brown fox figured out what must have happened. As they got within ear-shot he shouted, "Where the hell is that monkey? I sent him out for a fresh lion an hour ago!"
 
My goal in life is to open up a nail salon in Vietnam, where all my workers speak nothing but English. It's payback time.

I want to take one of those English as a Second Language courses -- just go in and blow everybody away on the first day.
 
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied:

“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
 
I think it is a patently ridiculous announcement that 'your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.'

Folks, if we're crashing, my seat cushion's gonna be used as a toilet.
 
They just marketed a new drug to cure priapism. It's a rough-cut zirconium about a ½ centimetre in diameter. You just pop one in your left shoe every morning, and it makes you limp.
 
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom