Joke gallery

[ideologyhunter]

A husband and wife leave a session of couples therapy. He says, "Honey, I think what he said is right. We need to communicate more. A lot of times, I can't tell if you're happy. For instance, why don't you tell me when you've orgasmed?"
She says, "You said not to call you at work."

 

[SLD]

There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

[SLD]

So this morning, Siri said, "Don't call me Shirley." Turns out, I had accidentally left my phone on Airplane mode.

 

[SLD]

It's easy to stop women from eating tide pods. But it is harder to deter gents.

 

[ideologyhunter]

Don't bite the hand that killed the golden goose, because a watched pot saves nine and a zebra cannot change its spots.

 

[ideologyhunter]

A college student gets a job as a room attendant at a nursing home. On his first day, his supervisor says, 'I'm sending you to straighten up Sarah's room, number 34."
He says, "Is there something special about her?"
The supervisor says, "Yes. She's 96, and she's very special. If you can handle Sarah, you'll do okay at this job."
He knocks at Sarah's door and goes in. She's lying in bed, and she looks him up and down and gives a low whistle. Then she holds up a clenched fist. She says, "Just so you know, I'll have sex with anyone who can guess what's in my hand."
He says, "A giraffe!"
Sarah says, "Close enough."

 

[ideologyhunter]

I just watched my first porn movie.
Damn, I was fine when I was young.