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Movie alphabet

O

The Obit of the Iguana

Richard Burton is driving a bus through a Mexican desert when a large Iguana runs into the road. Burton tries to swerve to avoid it but ends up squashing it flat and rolling the bus. There are some injuries but nobody is killed except one tequila vendor whose wares are a godsend to the stranded travelers. Especially Burton, who find himself increasingly bereft about having wrecked a bus in his failed attempt to save the iguana. He spends the next ten days on a bender, writing a lengthy apology ostensibly to the family of the iguana but in fact as an attempt to cleanse his own conscience. Upon rescue, the tome is discovered by Mexican media and becomes a popular hit. Burton is hired to play himself in the movie version, but ends up driving a bus through the Mexican desert, swerving trying to miss an iguana, rolling the bus and spending the next ten days on a bender ...
 
P

The Plight of the Iguana

A touching and tragic story, told from the viewpoint of an iguana (Iggy) purchased by an American tourist (Richard Burton) at a desert bus stop.
Throughout the film, Iggy is subjected to humiliations like being led around on a leash at Hollywood parties, until finally finding release in death in a bus crash.
 
P
Plight of the Iguana

Richard Burton narrates this mock-umentary that parodies the old Disney Nature Films. It follows the annual migration of an iguana herd from Mexico to Canada, arriving in British Columbia in time to swim with the returning salmon. Not sure if Burton was ever told they were taking the piss, or if he forgot. You can tell from his voice that he doesn't quite believe what he's dictating, especially the scenes of the lizards stowing away on a tour bus to cross the border. However, he never quite objects to the script they handed him.
 
Q

Quiet of the Iguana

Dadaist study of an iguana colony. Richard Burton is listed as the narrator, but there are no words spoken. Just iguanas. Sunning themselves. Slithering over rocks. Ignoring passing buses on the distant highway. Costuming by Terry Gilliam, according to the credits. Lighting by Helios. Dialogue by Henry Kissinger. Choreography by Marcel Marceau. Highway signs by Lighthouse For The Blind.
 
R

Rite of the Iguana

Deep in the Amazon jungle, an intrepid explorer (Richard Burton) makes contact with a previously un-contacted indigenous tribe. While participating in a tribal iguana-worshiping ritual, Burton consumes large amounts of a fermented intoxicant, causing him to re-live some of the worst moments of his life. The rest of the film is a series flashbacks of all the bus crashes Burton ever experienced in the Mexican desert.
 
S

Sight of the Iguana

An American scientist (Richard Burton) becomes obsessed with unraveling the secrets of the Iguana's visual system. Their visual acuity is of personal interest, as Burton's won eyesight is rapidly failing. The eureka moment comes when he discovers a protein in the iguana's visual cortex and injects himself with a serum extracted from 100 iguana brains. His eyesight is immediately restored. Elated beyond belief, Burton drinks himself silly, climbs into the research bus, drives into the desert at high speed and - predictably - crashes.
 
T

Tight of the Iguana

This comedic fantasy features a stagecraft promoter (Richard Burton) who, jaded about his own profession, decides to create a whole new entertainment genre using dancing iguanas. The breakthrough innovation comes when Burton contracts with a leotard manufacturer to create tiny outfits for his iguanas. The production becomes so popular with Latin American audiences that Burton decides to take the show on the road south of the border. Comedy turns to tragedy when the entire Company is killed in a bus crash in the Mexican desert.
 
U

Unite the Iguana

215,000-year-old pieces of an iguana-god statue are being shipped to the Mexico City Museum by chartered bus. Burton crashes the bus in the desert. Waiting for rescue, he begins piecing the statue back together. He is chuffed to find that the parts just lock together when assembled, no glue required.
He hallucinates Cleopatra for someone to talk to, describing his efforts with the iguana. She keeps asking him who was making statues to ANY gods 215K years ago? Burton ignores the question until she asks, WereHUMANS making god statues then?
That's when the statue winks at him.

And he notices the iguanas....all the damned iguanas.
 
W

Wights of the Iguana

Richard Burton leads a crack resurrectionist team, grave-robbing in a cemetary for med-school cadavers. Due to a little confusion, they try to rob a pet cemetary and are attacked by undead iguanas.
 
Three more to make a clean 'guana sweep.

X

x-height of the Iguana

Dramatization of the history of Penguin publishing house. At the last minute, some of the items in the script caused the actual house to pull permission to use their name. Mad scramble, much like how Playboy was originally going to have a 'stag' deer as their mascot. Just more of a time crunch as the sound stage had already been paid for.
Thus, we watch Richard Burton stumble thru under-rehearsed scenes of the fictional history of Iguana publishing house. Boring as a 5-mph bus crash over a two-foot curb. Spend your time counting places they missed changing 'Penguin' in the background. Stationary, billboards, etc.
I'm thinking the stuffed iguana in the typesetter's orgy, and what the copy boys did to it, might go a long way to explaining the change of heart.
 
Yucatan Iguana

Raised in a Mayan temple, a young iguana dreams of being an actor. He auditions for, and gets, the part of Richard Burton in a bio-pic but when he takes the bus to Hollywood to start filming it crashes in the desert.
 
Whew.
Well done, everyone!

Okay, A

Hoarse Soldiers

A cavalry unit, long in the saddle, deals with the dust they"ve been breathing, and the resulting pains when speaking.
 
B

Away All Oats

WWII in the Pacific. An amphibious assault ship supports the landings at Okinawa, braving the enemy fire until the Marines are landed, initial casualties relieved and all boats recovered.
Just as they retreat to a safe distance, they learn that their and all other units were delivered without any resources for breakfast. They make a hard, fast turn, and start heaving oatmeal into the landing craft.
 
C

Boat of Arms

Driving a boat over the Great Barrier Reef, a Japanese tourist runs over a giant octopus severing one of its tentacles. The enraged beast climbs aboard the vessel with its remaining seven arms and proceeds to attack the captain and crew.
 
D

Ennis The Menace

Ennis, the character from Brokeback Mountain, dies alone, having consistently chosen conformity over his true nature. He is reincarnated, in very similar circumstances, even given the same name, and for some reason remembers all his regrets from his previous life. Determined to not make the same mistake, and goes thru life aggressively candid, in all respects.
His feelings on sex, partners, country music, cooking, politics, justice, traffic laws, gun laws, four-color-map theory, Star Wars, military service, transexuals, gay transexuals serving in the military, evolution, prohibition, the war on drugs, horoscopes, Agatha Christie, Harry Potter, explicit racism in the original Tarzan novels, climate change, and "(using) your motherfucking turn signals you goddamned sockfucking brain dead monkey" are all available on the instant of anyone expressing the slightest interest in his opinion.
 
E

Darth’s Girl is Easy - In Disney’s bid to suck the life out of the Star Wars franchise, Disney wanted a film about Leia. Darth’s Girl Is Easy looks into Princess Leia’s... what do we say... her desire to ‘use the force’.

The film takes part slightly before A New Hope, and Princess Leia (or Lay Ah) as she was known by the boys was getting on with every guy she could find.

Her motto was ‘if the empire is going to kill me, there is no reason to be discreet.’ In general, including the Generals, Princess Leia is all over the place from guy to guy, and while the raunchy sex scenes, one after the other after the other after the other, start to desensitize the viewer to all of it.

The Director commentary noted that the director wanted to go with something artsy, but then the mood just hit then to make a softcore porn film.

The director noted in order to appease Disney Exec’s, they needed to splice the very few scenes they had with Leia actually wearing clothes from different angles to give the appearance they had created an actual film.

‘The execs thought it was awful, but didn’t care because people pay billions to watch Star Wars films, not good movies.’
 
F

Cat Pizza

Protein is short in 2056 Melbourne after The Event. Ricky is 6, alone and homeless. He ekes out a living learning to hunt the descendents of family pets and selling them to takeaway joints.
 
G

The Godd Couple
About forty years into the future. Down on believers, Jehovah and Allah consolidate their congregations in an attempt to remain relevant. The running gag is both guys bought the same tupperware, so any given leftovers could be a trigger for drama.
Then Scientologists buy the apartment complex....
 
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