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Movie alphabet

W

John Ick IV

Third sequel of the graphic-violence assassin/counter-assassin tale.
But directed by Quentin Tarantino.

An angry, wounded, and gutter-mouthed Keanu Reeves kills...fucking everyone. With hollow-points and razors. And one chainsaw. In slow motion. To songs by the Go-Gos, The Bangles, The Knack.
The character development consists of a discussion on shotgun rounds that send four feet of razor-wire downrange, and whether using them on human beings sends you straight to hell when you die, or if you wait for Judgment Day. The priest in the cofessional is not confident in his answer.
"Guess we'll find out," John shrugs, then turns four assassin nuns into very runny lasagna.
 
X

The Wizard of Ox

Come along on this whirlwind adventure, as we join ox trainer and lumberjack extraordinaire Paul Bunyan as he scours the town of Bemidji, Minnesota in search of just the right shade of blue paint.
 
Y

The Wizard of Oy

A fiendish Jewish guy figures out how to use tornadoes to kidnap young people in Kansas, and collects ransom from their parents to get them returned.
 
Z

The Wizard of O

A pocket protector-wearing nerd figures out how turn regular old hormone-laden milk into a product that passes the FDA definition of "Organic", doubling its market value.
 
A (changed the A to an A)

The Jazz Singer - Story of Lily-Ann Fitzgerald, an against her luck Jazz musician who tried so hard to get her incorporation of sewing machines into Jazz music. A daughter of a sewer, Lily-Ann grew up learning how to sew at a young age. A desperately hooked lover of music, Lily-Ann would actually sew garments as a child in rhythm. She got real good at it and with the advent of Jazz, she felt there was a music style that would be compatible with her skills.

She traveled along with her Singer sewing machine to New Orleans in hopes of making it big. She sacrificed everything she could in order to make it. Luckily being a great sewer, she was able to sew to makes end meet, but it provided her no artistic pride. Struggling to be noticed, she began to drink. And as she drank more, her sewing and rhythm suffered. Then, by lucky chance, she was paid by a Jazz Musician to hem some pants. He noticed how she was sewing and asked her about it. He immediately was into her style and invited her to the club he played at.

Excited, Lily-Ann brought her machine to the club and did a short demo for his band mates and they were amazed at her ability to play in rhythm... and sew shirt from scraps. Tragedy struck, however, almost immediately after the band started playing. The sound from the upright bass was causing vibrations in the sewing machine, which led the thread to get stuck. Lily-Ann worked hard to fix it, but the bass kept throwing her machine off. What was supposed to be a fancy night dress turned into a hacked sewing job. Her hemming solo wasn't enough to get the crowd behind her and she was mocked while on the stage.

Distraught, she ran off, promising herself never to sew again. Tears in her eyes, she ran straight out into the path of a Trolley Car driven by the Dandyman! A person saw her and grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the trolley's way, only to have a safe, which was being lifted up to the second floor of the building she stood in front of, fall on her.
 
D

Star Wards

Space Pulmonologists deal with the lasting affects of SpaceCovid on a space hospital far away.
There is a discrepancy in the cure rates. The Jedi wards' numbers suffer from trying to cure everyone, even the obviously terminal; the Sith Wards are more selective, choosing only mild cases for treatment.
But for sheer bulk of successfully treated patients, the Jefi are far ahead, as there are only two Sith Wards, ever.
 
E

Star Ears

Another 3½ hour exploration into curious intergalactic biology focused on sensory organs, inspired by Yoda's outsized ears. While Yoda's exact species remains a matter of speculation, his aural morphology alludes to possible Jawa genes, a speculation further fueled by the fact you never see their ears in the movies. Some believe that Yoda may have been a one-off result of when Jawas may have interbred with Ewoks, Utapaun, Amanin, Zeltrons, Neimoidians, Rodians or all of the above, possibly all at once. Not exactly porn film subject matter, but if it was, it would definitely be of the hard variety.
 
F

Fuck Rogers

Gripping docu-drama about a small-town barber (Eminem) who sets out to prove that Will Rogers was not terribly witty, and in fact not funny at all.
 
H

Whild Geeshe III

Another movie about a mercenary business, this time Sean Connery is hired to lead the international unit on a mission. He doesn't believe in holding cards to his chest, so he fully briefs the unit on their client, their goals, priorites, offered budget, stop points, equippage, training, and the planned incursion down to ten-minute intervals.
At the end of this, though, his accent has had an impact. The Scottish members are pumped. The English are kinda clued in. The Welsh are a bit hazy on some details. The Canadians are lost. The Americans walk out. The Australians weren't paying that much attention, anyway, and figure it'll become clear when the shooting starts.
 
J

Jamadeus

A classically trained musician succumbs to the drug culture and ends up breaking Jerry Garcia's record for the longest jam session ever recorded.
 
K

Nuns Kon The Run

After the 2020 election, Alec Baldwin plays Trump in his effort to avoid Federal prosecution, state taxes, angry survivors, dangerously loyal supporters, and Melania, whose first alimony check bounced higher than the border wall.
Don, Junior, and Eric disguise themselves as nuns, figuring they can get away with anything, and avoid scrutiny. Their goal is to cross the country to Kanye West's place, seeking asylum.
Eric: Where is Kanye's place, Daddy?
DJT: Don't call me Daddy, I'm a Sister! And....it's out... West.
JR: Duh!
Eric: You're duh!
JR: you're double duh!
Eric: Duh, infinity!
JR: Your mom's duh!
Eric: No, YOUR mom's duh!!
DJT: Boys!
Eric: Sisters, Sister Daddy.
Taxi driver (John Cleese): FAScinating as this debate promises to be, this is a DC taxi. I'm neither licensed to nor interested in driving you ladies 'out west' this evening. Also, no one rides for free, a policy laid down by corporate, thus beyond my ability to alter it in any meaningful way. You'll have to pay, and cinsdering the buildup of orange makeup on your wimple, I'd be well advised to demand the payment up front including gas and tolls.
JR: What?
DJT: That's outrageous!
Eric: Do you know who we are? I mean, um....
 
L

Jurassic Lark

This lighthearted romp through Ken Ham's Ark exhibit provides fun for the whole family. Dinosaur rides with Jesus, indestructible wooden boats and God-given genocide are just a few of the hilarious high points of this endearing film.
 
M

Jurassic Parm

So, EVERY TIME they open as a theme park, people get et. When all physical and intellectual property of JP ends up in the hands of the banks, again, only one man is brave enough to try to once more to make a profit from the institution.

Tony "Big Italy" Calendar, heir to the Marie Calendar empire, notes that with modern cloning tecnology, you don't actually need to grow the feet, claws, teeth, and stomachs of dinosaurs to get the fillets.
He markets fresh and frozen dinners of Velociraptor Parmesan, Apatosaurus Parmesan, that Bumpy Head Dino Parm, the Tiny Little Shits Parm, Pterdactyl Ptarm (not as tasty as the rest, but popular with pedantic paleontologists as it comes with a free "Ptaleontology!" T-shirt)... All the Parms!

"Marie Calendar's Jurassic Parm. We promise YOU'LL eat IT!"

Left as a cliffhanger. After the credits, something attacks a chef in the freezer...
 
N

Dobbie Darko

A house elf is caught in a Ground Hog Day scenario of repetitive housework until in the final scene he dies under a mountain of unmended socks.
 
O

Blast From The Post

Supreme Court finally weighs in on postal voting. They determine thst 'the will of the people' supercedes the letter of the law with regards to niggling little details about cover sleeves, postmarks, witness signatures. Also, issues bench warrants for DeJoy and every director he appointed, every aide hired, every intern he gave 'a significant look' at.

45 states mobilize the National Guard to count the avalanche of ballots delivered by the Former USPS Workers union, a non-profit group with no legal standing, but copies of all the post office keys in the country.
 
P

Blast From The Paps

Mayo Clinic gynocologists, Brendan Fraser and Alicia Silverstone, discover that a common cancer detection procedure has an unusual side effect. One woman in ten million will gain the ability to, um, well, sort of, you know....breathe fire...from the target site. Although it's not actually "breathing," per se, if you follow me. Damn it, they explained this much better in the film.
Anyway, it's rare, doesn't last long, doesn't 'blast' much. Just an odd finding.
Enter their Mayo supervisor, Nathan Fillion, whose character lost his license to practice gynocology after a patient blasted in his office, and a malpractice lawsuit. He now realizes an improperly performed pap smear can increase the frequency of the blastification. He sees great possibilities from teaching women how to self-blast. He drops the right terms like empowerment, self-defense, and the ultimate in bodily autonomy, but really, he wants power, fame, money, and imagines himself describing blastgasms on talk shows.
Our heroes must convince him to at least study the long-term effects before blasting the nation.
 
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