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Things that make you laugh...

Got an email.... black friday in july, including 70% off on the Last Supper Fruit Bowl.

Last fruit.png

This is my body, this is my pit, put the rind over there... Oh, and save the seeds, Peter's nephew has a science fair project.
 
I'm confused. Is it $125 now? Or is it 70% off the $125. For me it's an important distinction.
 
Patooka said:
I'm confused. Is it $125 now? Or is it 70% off the $125. For me it's an important distinction.
Click to expand...

It's neither. "Up to" means "between zero and", so the price is $125 less an unknown number the vendor is thinking of, that he would like you to feel might be 70%, but which is actually probably a LOT less.

The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away. :D
 
My wife played 'Capstan' last night.
I was trying to decide if I really, really, really had to go to the bathroom, about 0300, when she sneezed and rolled over. She rolled up the sheets and covers. it was like something out of a 'differences between men and women' cartoon. Every last scrap of the blanket slid off of me, taken up around her.
I scooted up close, leaned down to her ear, brushed it gently with my lips, and asked, "YOU WANT MY PILLOWCASE, TOO!?!?"

She thought about it. She SAYS it just took her a moment to wake up enough to realize what had happened, but I know she was just deciding if she was going to take me up on the offer.
 
bilby said:
Patooka said:
I'm confused. Is it $125 now? Or is it 70% off the $125. For me it's an important distinction.
Click to expand...

It's neither. "Up to" means "between zero and", so the price is $125 less an unknown number the vendor is thinking of, that he would like you to feel might be 70%, but which is actually probably a LOT less.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it's a chain, so I figure it's $125, and SOME stores are marking off 70%, just not whichever one I might go to, looking for something to hand out pop-rocks with. THAt store will be marking off 7%...
 
I typed "God is" into my phone to see what autotext would say and it gave me "God is not interested." I might start consulting autotext on other important life questions as well.
 
Sitting on the mess deck of my third submarine. Nuclear powered, capable of carrying 24 nuclear-tipped missiles.
A supply clerk told me that the Supply Department was more important than the Weapons Department, or Engineering Department.
Curious, I asked if he could support this whack-assed assertion.
"Well, not every Navy command has weapons, or an engine room. But EVERY COMMAND in the ENTIRE NAVY has a supply department."

Then, I pointed out that every command has at least one toilet, too. But when the Admiral asks, "Can you fulfill your assigned mission in the defense of the nation and our national iterests?" the skipper does NOT say, "Yes, sir, we have plenty of toilet paper."
 
Someone on Facebook posted:

"I will delete you if you don't communicate with me in.....
ENGLISH!!!!!!
Amen!!!!!
Google translate not working....."

There's a long list of comments in various languages telling her basically to fuck off, one comment saying that "Amen" is not English. My own contribution was a Klingon message roughly translating to "Calm your tits, silly little animal."
 
Keith&Co. said:
Sitting on the mess deck of my third submarine. Nuclear powered, capable of carrying 24 nuclear-tipped missiles.
A supply clerk told me that the Supply Department was more important than the Weapons Department, or Engineering Department.
Curious, I asked if he could support this whack-assed assertion.
"Well, not every Navy command has weapons, or an engine room. But EVERY COMMAND in the ENTIRE NAVY has a supply department."

Then, I pointed out that every command has at least one toilet, too. But when the Admiral asks, "Can you fulfill your assigned mission in the defense of the nation and our national iterests?" the skipper does NOT say, "Yes, sir, we have plenty of toilet paper."
Click to expand...

What constitutes a "command"? I'm thinking of small craft used to run in to shore.

And Apollo (and the stuff before) didn't have toilets, yet they certainly had people in command.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
Keith&Co. said:
Sitting on the mess deck of my third submarine. Nuclear powered, capable of carrying 24 nuclear-tipped missiles.
A supply clerk told me that the Supply Department was more important than the Weapons Department, or Engineering Department.
Curious, I asked if he could support this whack-assed assertion.
"Well, not every Navy command has weapons, or an engine room. But EVERY COMMAND in the ENTIRE NAVY has a supply department."

Then, I pointed out that every command has at least one toilet, too. But when the Admiral asks, "Can you fulfill your assigned mission in the defense of the nation and our national iterests?" the skipper does NOT say, "Yes, sir, we have plenty of toilet paper."
Click to expand...

What constitutes a "command"? I'm thinking of small craft used to run in to shore.

And Apollo (and the stuff before) didn't have toilets, yet they certainly had people in command.
Click to expand...

Apollo was NASA, not Navy. They got a lot of assistance from various branches of the military, and many astronauts were military pilots on secondment to NASA, but again, not all Navy. Of the three Apollo 11 crew, only Armstrong had a Naval background, and he was seconded to the USAF before joining NASA.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
What constitutes a "command"? I'm thinking of small craft used to run in to shore.
Click to expand...
Pretty much. It's a unit capable of independent operations. The Captain's Gig doesn't have mess, berthing or bathroom facilities, so it can be given tasking, but it needs support from the command it's attached to.
And, like, a recruiting office is not a command, but it's an outlier for a district office that is the command.
A warehouse won't be a command, but it might be one of several warehouses, and trucks and one office, that make up a particular shore command.
The office in front of our building, the program oversight for our Navy support operations, they're a command.
And Apollo (and the stuff before) didn't have toilets, yet they certainly had people in command.
Click to expand...
Well, even the captain's gig will be sent out with an officer 'in command' of the party on board, but that doesn't make it an independent command.

Same way that 'captain' is a rank AND a position. Sometimes THE Captain is also A captain, but not always. My first Captain was a commander until he made captain. I had to explain that to the Air Force Lieutenant who thought he was a Captain, but I knew that Captains had eagles because our Captain had made Captain.

You'd think we'd have made better use of the thesaurus when we established all this shit...
 
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