Things that make you laugh...

[hyzer]

I had my prostrate biopsied today. Not fun. I'll skip the description. However, while lying on my side facing the wall waiting for the doctor to come in, and while the tech is, apparently cleaning a few things, she says "Some people get startled or frightened by the sound the biopsy device makes when the doctor takes a sample. So I'll just demonstrate." This was followed by a huge wamming sound which nearly caused me to vacate the premises . . . The sound was like one of those hospital foot actuated trash cans that is placed too close to the wall and the operator has slammed down on the foot pedal 'cause the damn things barely work . . . which is what it was. If only she had warned me of that sound behind my bare bottom.

In case you want to know, the device sounds like a plastic cap gun.

On the way home afterwards my wife kept my mind off the discomfort with jokes. Of course women are pretty regularly subjected to 'stuff' so she had some good ones, like asking me if the doctor "got me into 5th gear?" To which I replied that "he took me around the block and even made a U-turn on my oneway street."

 

[ZiprHead]

Matthew McConaughey Plays Virtual Bingo With Quarantined Seniors: Watch

This is great!

 

[Keith&Co.]

I called in to our daily 0900 status meeting, a coworker had already had an 0800 meeting with a client. On his project, the people directing our efforts have conflicting ideas of what they want, and no idea how we need to supply it. Every meeting ends up identifying wasted effort from the last meeting.
So today was especially frustrating. Tom just went off about the stupidity, confusion, lack of planning, self-sabotaging, waste of sperm, sockfucking, penis-fingered, fish-brained, lead-paint-eating, i don't know what else he called them. Finished with, 'I wish i could have told THEM all that, but at least i can say it here!'
After a moment of silence on the line, i said, 'Okay, my wife wants me to take you off speaker...'

 

[Elixir]

People Made Trump Instantly Regret His All Caps Tweet Commemorating Good Friday With a Religion Lesson for the Ages

HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY TO ALL!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump)

Comments are classic.
"Good Friday does not, in fact, mean the same thing as TGIF"

 

[ZiprHead]

People Made Trump Instantly Regret His All Caps Tweet Commemorating Good Friday With a Religion Lesson for the Ages

HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY TO ALL!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump)

Comments are classic.
"Good Friday does not, in fact, mean the same thing as TGIF"

I saw someone say they would donate $10,000 to the charity of choice of any reporter who would ask Bonespurs what the Good Friday holiday is commemorating.

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

People Made Trump Instantly Regret His All Caps Tweet Commemorating Good Friday With a Religion Lesson for the Ages

HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY TO ALL!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump)

Comments are classic.
"Good Friday does not, in fact, mean the same thing as TGIF"

I saw someone say they would donate $10,000 to the charity of choice of any reporter who would ask Bonespurs what the Good Friday holiday is commemorating.

I’d go straight for the throat and ask what Easter is commemorating. My money is on “the miracle of rabbits laying eggs”.

 

[Keith&Co.]

 

[spikepipsqueak]

"I think I'm going in to labour." she said, at 8 months.

"Why?"

"I've just cleaned the door handle."

 

[Arctish]

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykieEE1j9eA[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Keith&Co.]

Whole office working from home. Daily phone-conn. Supervisor has to leave the children without supervision while she takes a call.
Conversation drifts, as ours usually do, eventually ending with choosing the relative merits of elevator music with Xylophone versus elv. mus. w/ Accordion. Discussion was inconclusive, though some took passionate positions on both sides.

F. offers the opinion: Some of y'all are REALLY ready to go back to work.

Keith immediately replies: I'm at work! I'm wearing my badge!....nothin' else, but i got the badge!

All: There's an image. Ew! Uck! Stop! No!

Supervisor: Well, that was not the best moment to rejoin the conversation....

 

[bilby]

Whole office working from home. Daily phone-conn. Supervisor has to leave the children without supervision while she takes a call.
Conversation drifts, as ours usually do, eventually ending with choosing the relative merits of elevator music with Xylophone versus elv. mus. w/ Accordion. Discussion was inconclusive, though some took passionate positions on both sides.

F. offers the opinion: Some of y'all are REALLY ready to go back to work.

Keith immediately replies: I'm at work! I'm wearing my badge!....nothin' else, but i got the badge!

All: There's an image. Ew! Uck! Stop! No!

Supervisor: Well, that was not the best moment to rejoin the conversation....

Is it one that goes on a lanyard around your neck, or do you have to wear it as a body piercing?

 

[Wiploc]

Whole office working from home. Daily phone-conn. Supervisor has to leave the children without supervision while she takes a call.
Conversation drifts, as ours usually do, eventually ending with choosing the relative merits of elevator music with Xylophone versus elv. mus. w/ Accordion. Discussion was inconclusive, though some took passionate positions on both sides.

F. offers the opinion: Some of y'all are REALLY ready to go back to work.

Keith immediately replies: I'm at work! I'm wearing my badge!....nothin' else, but i got the badge!

All: There's an image. Ew! Uck! Stop! No!

Supervisor: Well, that was not the best moment to rejoin the conversation....

Is it one that goes on a lanyard around your neck, or do you have to wear it as a body piercing?

Ew! Uck! Stop! No!

 

[Keith&Co.]

Is it one that goes on a lanyard around your neck, or do you have to wear it as a body piercing?

Ooooh, i forgot all about lanyards.
I'm using a chip-bag clip.

 

[hyzer]

So far during "virus video calls" I have seen:

1. a work colleague's roommate crawling in the background trying to stop their cat from eating the house plant, then trying to crawl backwards with cat in one arm . . . (it really can't be done apparently)

2. another work colleague's husband walking through the background in untied bathrobe, slippers and nothing else but a coffee mug . . . (did not want to see that)

And I have heard, besides the normal kids and barking dogs:

1. bathroom sounds (yuck)
2. kitchen sounds - grinding coffee (really, you didn't think to mute that?!)
3. a spouse complaining (well, yelling) that the neighbor's 8 year old is riding an ATV up and down the street with two younger sibs on the back (okay, that was my wife)

 

[Angry Floof]

So far during "virus video calls" I have seen:

1. a work colleague's roommate crawling in the background trying to stop their cat from eating the house plant, then trying to crawl backwards with cat in one arm . . . (it really can't be done apparently)

2. another work colleague's husband walking through the background in untied bathrobe, slippers and nothing else but a coffee mug . . . (did not want to see that)

And I have heard, besides the normal kids and barking dogs:

1. bathroom sounds (yuck)
2. kitchen sounds - grinding coffee (really, you didn't think to mute that?!)
3. a spouse complaining (well, yelling) that the neighbor's 8 year old is riding an ATV up and down the street with two younger sibs on the back (okay, that was my wife)

NASA had a meeting about how to prevent everyone's cats from taking command of spacecraft while their humans work from home on laptops.

 

[hyzer]

So far during "virus video calls" I have seen:

1. a work colleague's roommate crawling in the background trying to stop their cat from eating the house plant, then trying to crawl backwards with cat in one arm . . . (it really can't be done apparently)

2. another work colleague's husband walking through the background in untied bathrobe, slippers and nothing else but a coffee mug . . . (did not want to see that)

And I have heard, besides the normal kids and barking dogs:

1. bathroom sounds (yuck)
2. kitchen sounds - grinding coffee (really, you didn't think to mute that?!)
3. a spouse complaining (well, yelling) that the neighbor's 8 year old is riding an ATV up and down the street with two younger sibs on the back (okay, that was my wife)

NASA had a meeting about how to prevent everyone's cats from taking command of spacecraft while their humans work from home on laptops.

I am an architect, and therefore our virtual meetings always have lots of drawings being shared, and during the meetings with clients, we have to 'share controls' so that various participants can doodle on the screen to make their points . . . and passing control from one participant to another is sometimes problematic, particularly with some less-than-tech clients. So during one meeting, when we were having a particularly hard time getting a client to be able to control the mouse, he kept asking "do I have the control?, do I have control?" and one of my team members typed in the comments section "what's the frequency Kenneth?" . . .

 

[Keith&Co.]

Reminds me of my first conversation via modem. 1987.

Twenty minutes of robot souls screaming in hell and text on the screen "DID-D-D-D$&@### YOU GO YYYYYET. ..?."
"WATING NO WAIT NO >%*&>*$WAITING FOR YOU START. [([>/$TO TART. TO START."
"DID YOU GO YE*" Channel is ready for users!

 

[Angry Floof]

So far during "virus video calls" I have seen:

1. a work colleague's roommate crawling in the background trying to stop their cat from eating the house plant, then trying to crawl backwards with cat in one arm . . . (it really can't be done apparently)

2. another work colleague's husband walking through the background in untied bathrobe, slippers and nothing else but a coffee mug . . . (did not want to see that)

And I have heard, besides the normal kids and barking dogs:

1. bathroom sounds (yuck)
2. kitchen sounds - grinding coffee (really, you didn't think to mute that?!)
3. a spouse complaining (well, yelling) that the neighbor's 8 year old is riding an ATV up and down the street with two younger sibs on the back (okay, that was my wife)

NASA had a meeting about how to prevent everyone's cats from taking command of spacecraft while their humans work from home on laptops.

I am an architect, and therefore our virtual meetings always have lots of drawings being shared, and during the meetings with clients, we have to 'share controls' so that various participants can doodle on the screen to make their points . . . and passing control from one participant to another is sometimes problematic, particularly with some less-than-tech clients. So during one meeting, when we were having a particularly hard time getting a client to be able to control the mouse, he kept asking "do I have the control?, do I have control?" and one of my team members typed in the comments section "what's the frequency Kenneth?" . . .

 

[Elixir]

Is it one that goes on a lanyard around your neck, or do you have to wear it as a body piercing?

Ooooh, i forgot all about lanyards.
I'm using a chip-bag clip.

So it's uh, not on your neck?
Is that painful?

 

[Keith&Co.]

Is it one that goes on a lanyard around your neck, or do you have to wear it as a body piercing?

Ooooh, i forgot all about lanyards.
I'm using a chip-bag clip.

So it's uh, not on your neck?
Is that painful?

Only good thing about diabetes, the loss of function in nerve endings.