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Things that make you laugh...

Beef and barley stew for dinner tonight. I used sirloin tips instead of stew meat. Real wine instead of cooking sherry. It's simmering right now, should take two hours.
My wife, up in the bedroom, calls down that, 'It sure smells stew-pid.'

Just for that, i am dumping in a can of mushrooms. Was gonna skip that step as she hates mushrooms, but no. See how stew-pendous she thinks that is.
 
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJaqpr4unzM[/YOUTUBE]
 
My wife occasionally breaks into song when she thinks something needs dramatizing. In the WFH situation, lots of things drive her to a song. Show tunes, mostly.

She did it last night, and i became concerned because her security clearances expired when she left the Navy.
She wondered WTF i was on about.
'Well, at dinner, that was the fiftieth song you've sung since they closed the schools.'
'Whst's wrong with 50 songs?'
'Nothing! Fifty is fine, i think? But this, just now? That was Aria 51, and i don't think you're authorized access to that.'
 
The app developer for another company asked if we had any issues with using their app. They'd rather get told direct than if we went thru the established comment process.
Coworkers mentioned a few things.
I said i assumed that by 'issue' thay do not mean 'the avatar reminds me of a hobo we had to slay one night for the good of all mankind.'

He stopped using 'reply to all' and sent a list of appropriate concerns to my manager. Logic hang-ups, missing graphics, bad links. Nothing about ritual murders came up. Weird.
 
Keith&Co. said:
My wife occasionally breaks into song when she thinks something needs dramatizing. In the WFH situation, lots of things drive her to a song. Show tunes, mostly.

She did it last night, and i became concerned because her security clearances expired when she left the Navy.
She wondered WTF i was on about.
'Well, at dinner, that was the fiftieth song you've sung since they closed the schools.'
'Whst's wrong with 50 songs?'
'Nothing! Fifty is fine, i think? But this, just now? That was Aria 51, and i don't think you're authorized access to that.'
Click to expand...

Shut up, Keith. Bad things can happen...
pithon.jpg
 
Bar Brawl!

Weight and balance being the key to success;

giphy.gif
 
I have no cell phone. I never used to take my laptop home. I constantly ask coworkers for help using some software applications. I mis-label applications i do not use. "Did Chris call your Face-thing?" or, "Did Bryan twist you on Twister?"

I have most of the people i interface with convinced i am too old to learn how to use Skype, Zoom, or whatever the whipper-snappers are using to communicate in this time of plague.

So i can blow off meetings and convince them, "I logged on, but no one else ever showed up. Was i in the wrong channel, or Zooming the wrong room, or whatever? Darn. Try again next time."

Still waiting for someone to ask, 'If Keith's that bad at new tech, why is he writing the Navy's curricula for the next state-of-the-art nuclear weapons system upgrade?'
 
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vcqwq1fnHU[/YOUTUBE]
 
Probably should call my parents today and apologize.

All those things i got away with 45 years ago? Crimes, lies, failures to act, failures to admit, cookie thefts, telling my sister Rhubarb pie was a poison?
Well, i'm grounded NOW....

If i say i learned my lesson, can i go to the bookstore again?
 
A friend of mine knows someone who literally has a garage full of TP.

I suspect that there are a few like that around, and much of the panic buying was done with the intention of price gouging later. Some of them spent thousands.

We've just had 2 days of extremely heavy rain.

I don't know about where you live, but around here garages flood all the time.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Probably should call my parents today and apologize.

All those things i got away with 45 years ago? Crimes, lies, failures to act, failures to admit, cookie thefts, telling my sister Rhubarb pie was a poison?
Well, i'm grounded NOW....

If i say i learned my lesson, can i go to the bookstore again?
Click to expand...

On the contrary, they owe you an apology. Little did they realise that your behaviour was not just exemplary, it was Presidential.
 
I had my prostrate biopsied today. Not fun. I'll skip the description. However, while lying on my side facing the wall waiting for the doctor to come in, and while the tech is, apparently cleaning a few things, she says "Some people get startled or frightened by the sound the biopsy device makes when the doctor takes a sample. So I'll just demonstrate." This was followed by a huge wamming sound which nearly caused me to vacate the premises . . . The sound was like one of those hospital foot actuated trash cans that is placed too close to the wall and the operator has slammed down on the foot pedal 'cause the damn things barely work . . . which is what it was. If only she had warned me of that sound behind my bare bottom.

In case you want to know, the device sounds like a plastic cap gun.
 
All the fake poop videos reminded me of a friend who fake pooped her husband. They had little Yorkie dogs that pooped in the house from time to time, and the poops were about the size and consistency of a small tootsie roll. So she took an actual tootsie roll, mushed it around a bit to look like a poop, and then set it on the floor. She said, "Oh, look, one of the dogs pooped again. I'll pick it up." Then when she picked it up, she said, "I'm surprised they didn't eat it already," which they did sometimes. Then she said, "I'm gonna find out why they like it so much," and took a bite, to her husband's understandable absolute horror. :D
 
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