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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
Our team is doing really well at work-from-home during this pandemic. We have a Skype meeting going constantly, 0730 thru 1700. Ideas shared, status updated, jobs/duties/tasks apportioned quickly.
We also just spent 20 minutes replacing one word in your favorite quote with 'penis.'
You know, "Four score and twenty penises ago..."
"Self-evident all penises are created equal..."

The reason we started this TODAY was the Boss asked, 'What'd you guys do yesterday that pissed C off so much?'
'Well, we spent 20 minutes... yadda yadda 'penis'.'
Then he brilliantly asked, 'How could you spend twenty whole minutes doing that?'

Ahem.


Don't know why he's mad, now, he literally asked for it.
Click to expand...

Shit, i thought i was posting this in "things" that make you laugh.
This makes no sense.Mods?
 
It's becoming a cliche that online recipes are buried in the blogger's life story, or a tale grandma told about cooking a completely different recipe in Sicily in 1902...
I use google to find out how long to cook orzo in the InstantPot. I want a table, you know? X pasta, Y water, Z minutes, F servings.
First twelve hits are like, "Back before we had these programmable pressure cookers, Mama Mafia taught us to time pasta by singing a little song together. You don't have to do the included dance steps if..."


Then today, i had reason to read Leviticus 14. And imagine someone asking a rabbi how to cleanse someone of leprosy and getting a similar response.
'Well, back in my day, we lumped leprosy in with a bunch of other skin diseases, some of which actually respond to just simple things like 'stop scratching at it!' and a cedar-smoke poultice.
"But if what you have is authentic leprosy, you're gonna want to get two clean birds, two clean male lambs, one ewe, cedar wood, scarlet yarn, hyssop. And a change of clothes. And something to shave with.
"So, by clean, i mean the bird is free of blemish. It's kinda hard to catch unblemished birds, you cannot inspect it until after you caught it. So buying birds in the market is fine. Oh, and i should have said, they need to be alive.
"Anyway, you kill one over fresh water. My grandfather said this kept unclean spirits from entering the sacrifice, but my father said it wasn't an issue until he sacrificed a bird on a table Grandma had to clean the blood off of.
"So, i have two pans sanctified for these sacrifices. I like the copper one for male birds and the clay one for female patients. The reason for this is twofold...."
 
No matter how much you try you can't scrub the laser dot off your windshield.


(I was scrubbing off a few bug splats. I have a parking guide that has a couple of line-powered laser pointers connected to a motion sensor. Plug it in, when it senses motion the lasers light up. You put it on the ceiling, point them where you want and when you pull into the garage the lasers light up, you set them up so they point onto your dashboard, it gives a much more accurate picture of exactly where your car is. Windshields have multiple layers, each one was reflecting a bit of the laser, it looked more like a small red streak than a laser dot.)
 
Loren Pechtel said:
No matter how much you try you can't scrub the laser dot off your windshield.


(I was scrubbing off a few bug splats. I have a parking guide that has a couple of line-powered laser pointers connected to a motion sensor. Plug it in, when it senses motion the lasers light up. You put it on the ceiling, point them where you want and when you pull into the garage the lasers light up, you set them up so they point onto your dashboard, it gives a much more accurate picture of exactly where your car is. Windshields have multiple layers, each one was reflecting a bit of the laser, it looked more like a small red streak than a laser dot.)
Click to expand...

You need to keep pulling forward until the dots disappear.
Follow me for more helpful tips. :)
 
Loren Pechtel said:
No matter how much you try you can't scrub the laser dot off your windshield.


(I was scrubbing off a few bug splats. I have a parking guide that has a couple of line-powered laser pointers connected to a motion sensor. Plug it in, when it senses motion the lasers light up. You put it on the ceiling, point them where you want and when you pull into the garage the lasers light up, you set them up so they point onto your dashboard, it gives a much more accurate picture of exactly where your car is. Windshields have multiple layers, each one was reflecting a bit of the laser, it looked more like a small red streak than a laser dot.)
Click to expand...

Are you parking your car or taking an eye exam?
 
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