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Things that make you laugh...

Guy #1: "You know when you see birds flying around in V-formation right? Why is it that one side of the V is always longer than the other?"

Guy #2: "I don't know. Maybe it has something to do the earth's magnetic fields, like how unless they're flying straight north or south or straight along the equator one side of the formation will be subject to a stronger magnetic field on account of being closer to one of the poles? Or maybe I supposed it could have to do with..."

Guy #1: "No no no no, it's none of that."

Guy #2: "Then why *is* one side of the V always longer than the other?"

Guy #1: "More birds."
 
My son has a t-shirt: I'm silently correcting your grammar.

Half of my family could wear that shirt. Well, not silently, maybe...

Anyway, what i really need for him is one that says "I know this is a verbal conversation, but I AM correcting your spelling."
 
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How NOT to go about a scientific study

I am trying to imagine the surreal conversations that must have taken place among everyone associated with the planning and execution of this study.

Venereology: official publication of the National Venereology Council of Australia

With the objective of investigating the adequacy of the Australian standard for latex condoms, we set out to obtain measurement of the erect penises of a sample of Australian men … We recruited and trained a group of female prostitutes who were willing to measure consecutive clients. However, this was not successful. Almost all of the clients who were asked to participate in pilot-testing of the measuring kit refused. Pilot testing also revealed that the sex workers had not understood the importance of asking every man, not only those likely to comply. The workers found that in practice they were unwilling to ask a client if he was nervous or had a small penis and they suspected he might be sensitive about it.
Click to expand...
 
An Aussie and a Kiwi are down and out in London. As they pass a cake shop, the Kiwi says "I will show you how to get a free feed"

So they walk into the shop, and the Kiwi asks the shopkeeper to give him a closer look at the cake on the top shelf behind the counter. While the baker's back is turned, the Kiwi quickly and silently unlatches the top of the display case, and slips a Cornish Pasty into his pocket.

The Aussie says "Well, you New Zealanders are sneaky as; but bet you I can get a free pasty and eat it in full view of the baker".

The Kiwi says, OK, you are on. So the Aussie says to the baker, "Give me one of those Cornish Pasties, and I will show you a magic trick". The baker hands him a pasty, which he proceeds to eat in full view of both the baker and the Kiwi.

"See, the Pasty has completely vanished" says the Aussie.

"Very funny", says the baker, "but that's not a magic trick. You have to pay for that".

"Not so fast", says the Aussie.

"Take a look in the New Zealander's pocket".

 
So, our son is in the Navy and currently in Bahrain. He sends emails every so often telling us how he misses the family, the house, the Berkshires and so on.

The Navy issue wool blanket is scratchy, so he went out to a local shop and bought a softer blanket. A very pretty blue one, he says. When he got to the ship and opened the package, examining his souvenir of his first time this far away from home...he discovered that the blanket was made in The Berkshires.
 
Jesus was a carpenter. A tradesman. You can tell he was one because he disappeared off the face of the planet for three days with no rational explanation.
 
A husband arrived home from work to find his wife in bed with his friend. Angered by the betrayal, the husband produces a gun and shot him dead. His wife shook her head in despair and said, " If you keep behaving like this, you'll lose all your friends."
 
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