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Things that make you laugh...

But foot fetishists want to be crushed under the foot, or get their dicks squeezed between toes, or lick a day's sweat out from between toes.
I haven't seen any fantasies about fucking (the/at the) ankle... I think the designer may have heard the term and jumped to odd conclusions.
 
Looks more like someone who has a thing for severed body parts.


I don't want to know if that's a thing. There is no need to provide links. Please don't.
 
I knew a guy once, many moons ago, who had a belly button fetish. He would sometimes actually get an erection at the sight of a bare female midriff. Wouldn't bother about boobs or shapely limbs, or even a beautiful face.
It was belly buttons and nothing else he confessed to me one day.
 
angelo said:
I knew a guy once, many moons ago, who had a belly button fetish. He would sometimes actually get an erection at the sight of a bare female midriff. Wouldn't bother about boobs or shapely limbs, or even a beautiful face.
It was belly buttons and nothing else he confessed to me one day.
Click to expand...

Was his dick really that short? :D
 
My Bridesmaid is currently studying Biology to obtain qualifications for a 'Wellness Clinic'.

She wants my help with Biology. So I told her: Well I am a girl, you are a girl, and Bill is a boy... Does that help? :D
 
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." -Butch Hancock
 
Janis Ian
19 mins ·
Having decided to clean up my act, I resolved to cut out red meat (for a while), concentrate on fish (and truthfully I don't enjoy eating most fish) and shellfish (which I love) and occasionally poultry (but I lived on a chicken farm, so there's a fair amount of denial in there....)
I also decided to cut back on dairy products, because I really don't like putting milk or cheese with tons of additives and weird growth hormones into my body, and the organic stuff has gotten super super pricey.
Be that as it may, here are three things I've learned in the past two days:
1. Almond milk does not work with coffee. Or espresso for that matter. If you're used to having iced espresso with half a cup of milk with breakfast (yes, and it's delicious!), bite the bullet and buy organic milk. Because I am here to tell you, almond milk does not work. Delicious on it's own. Does not go with coffee.
2. Soy milk looks really weird in coffee, kind of like curdled cow's milk. And while I know a lot of people who like the taste, I find it weirdly disturbing - almost milk but not quite. Like something a vegan vampire would drink.
3. A lot of people do not understand what a vegetarian is. Case in point: I had to eat at a hospital cafeteria two days ago. Seeing "taco salad" with "beef, chicken, or vegetarian" offered, i thought "AHA! Order vegetarian, no chips, cheese on the side, be a healthy person." Or at least, as healthy as I could get when my alternatives were Dairy Queen or snack bars.
I asked what kind of beans they were using. "No beans."
No beans? What are you making it of, then? "Chili."
Chili without beans? "No beans."
Wait. What's the chili made with? "Chicken."
What?! Chicken isn't vegetarian! "Yes it is."
No it's not. "Yes it is."
No it's not. "Yes it is."
Okay then. I demanded the manager come discuss this.
Manager: "What's the problem?"
Me and the very annoyed vegetarian standing next to me: "This is not vegetarian if it's made with chicken."
Manager: "Yes it is."
Me: "But it's made with chicken! That's not a vegetable."
Manager: (Casts pitying glance at us) "Chicken is poultry. It's not meat."
Vegetarian lady: "But it's not vegetarian!"
Manager: (heaving a sigh at our ignorance) "It's not meat. It's poultry. It's vegetarian."
Me: "Is not."
Manager: "Is too."
Me: "Is not."
Manager: "Is too."
<silence>
Me: "So how about if I go to the other food bar, pay for a side of beans, and then can you put that on top of my taco salad?"
Manager: "No."
Vegetarian lady: "Why on earth not?
Manager: "Because we can't mix the two food bars."
Me: "But that one has bean chili, which is vegetarian!"
Manager: "So does this one. It has chicken taco salad, which is vegetarian, because chicken is poultry, not meat."
I settled for a yogurt and called it a day.
As Emo Philips said, "Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."
 
A man went into a florist's and asked for a very big bunch of flowers.
" How big exactly?" asked the florist.
He replied. " Caught in bed with my wife's sister size."
 
It was an odd night.
I guess i was dreaming... I thought i was just awake and miserable.

See, at work i've just authored a lesson on all the Versamodule Eurocard electronics we've incorporated into the system. Off the shelf commercial modules with a variety of functions but sharing common software. So as i tried to sleep last night, i had gas. Pretty bad. It bubbled and squirtled around through my intestines and i couldn't do much about it because i was testing the digestive assistance properties of the VME cards. In my gut. Which made sense at the time.
No position was comfortable. If i lay on my right side, the CPU modules became uncomfortable. On my left side, the various Input Output modules had problems. On my back, the issue was the custom-built modules my and another company have created to fit into the VME technology, without actually being VME cards. Those burbled and vented and it was a pain.

And i got angry with my wife as the night went on, because she wouldn't rub my back to ease my discomfort. I never actually ASKED her to rub my back, but i kept rolling to present my back to her and i guess i just assumed that a loving wife would have taken the hint.

I got even with her though. Some time around four in the morning, i woke up enough to go to the bathroom and staggered back to bed. She looked really comfortable curled up on her pillow and holding Cocoa the Teddy Rumple Bear. But i was angry that she's slept through my silent appeals. So i inflicted my revenge.

I rubbed her back, starting with the left side. Then when i was half-done, i stopped.

She woke up two hours later with an unspecified anger towards me that she couldn't define or understand.

Take that, selfish woman, you!
 
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