• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
bilby said:
Does anyone else envisage Keith&Co's office as looking something like this?
Click to expand...

Well, no. It looks like this:

View attachment 8458

Boss on the moment of discovering that her mosquito netting did not completely protect her office. Above her head, you can see an F-bomb waiting to drop. There are no windows, but we do have a little big of sunshine from my cubicle. And there's the glitter spreading fan....
Click to expand...

Your boss looks a bit on edge.
 
There were complications in getting her reaction shot at the moment of dawning comprehension without making it obvious that he was taking her picture.

OH! And about 12 hours after this, I was in the Emergency Room and when they asked, "Any allergies?" I said "Maybe a slight latex allergy after last week..."
 
Another office balloon story

One day after lunch, I walk into the office of the Second-in-command boss, "Bob" to discuss a current project. After a little while, I start to notice that there is the glint of glitter all over his desk, papers, and other horizontal surfaces. He notices my noticing, and tries to hide it. Finally I interrupt our work talk and ask "Bob, did you have a stripper in here?". Now Bob is a straight up guy, he is embarrassed, but not by my question, but the real story.

The previous day was the last day at the firm for a likable, but problem employee, Carl. Carl's friends place a bunch of Mylar helium balloons in Carl's office, they had various sayings like "congratulations".

Bob was not amused that Carl "the problem" received these balloons. He took this personally......

The morning after Carl left, Bob discovers that Carl hasn't taken the balloons with him. Bob orders his secretary to get rid of the balloons. Without Bob knowing, the First-in-command boss "Tom" intercepts the secretary and has the balloons saved, and placed in Bob's office while Bob is out at lunch.

Bob returns from lunch to find no secretary, but the balloons hovering over and tied to his computer monitor.

Bob is some kind of pissed. He assumes that Carl's friends are having one more laugh at him. He takes out his pocket knife and stabs the first balloon ...... only to be showered in glitter confetti.

He notices two things right away, the head boss Tom is peering in and laughing his ass off, and one of the remaining balloons is marked "Happy Fun Time Confetti Balloon - warning, do not puncture indoors."

The next week a bunch of us presented Bob with a tube of Stripper Glitter Removal Cream.
 
Oh, I don't. Don't have the problem, really.

But i can really see slipping a tube of that into my manager's jacket or gym bag before he goes home...

Or just leaving it on someone's desk, especially on a day they're out of the office...
 
You know what i hate? I hate when you're listening to headphones and the cord twists the tiniest bit so it brushes your arm or your neck and feels just like a spider. Like a big nasty spider exploring your flesh for the perfect spot to strike...

About an hour ago, i was listening to my music and felt that sensation. Gave a small laugh because i was too smart to fall for that again... Felt it a second time. Then i realized...




I"M NOT WEARING HEADPHONES!



My son assures me that it could not have been the size of a tarantula, but that's what _I_ recall seeing when i finally looked down. And how would he know, there's nothing left of the fucking beast from Hell. One of the outer rings, but Hell, still. It was like an Alaskan crab. But spidery. Oh, the screaming, the thrashing, the gnashing of teeth, the splatting of the entire work surface of my computer desk...

Technically, this is still not something _I_ laugh at. But my wife and son may need oxygen before the evening is out. We make eye contact, they bite their lip, their eyes roll and they pantomime like an Ewok hit by a taser powered by a light saber... Then laugh until they have to concentrate on breathing to avoid passing out.





And neither of the fuckers would help me clean my desk, either. "YOU killed it, YOU clean it," they say. I think that's what they said, anyway, neither one of the fools can finish a complete sentence tonight. And there's that twinkle in their eyes, too.... I fear the worst.

If there's a murder in Western Massachusetts in the news tomorrow, and the words 'Rubber spider' and 'bed' or 'shower' or 'boot' are included in the text, I won't be posting for a while.
 
PHISHing is a problem for corporate America.
In this corporation, they have attempted to address that problem.
They send out official-looking emails in the manner a phisher might employ. If you incautiously click on it, you get tagged with a big sign that says "YOU FOOL!" and explains how you just fell for phishing, and will prevent the allies from winning the war.

Last week, one guy in our office got an email from the Corporate Training coordinator. Being suspicious, he called Corporate Training about the email. They assured him it was legit.

So he told us that it was okay to read the CT email and we all opened it. YOU FOOL, it said. Plus we were assigned to complete PHISHing training at our earliest inconvenience.

Dammit.

So now we're suspicious of all company emails.

I got one this morning. First thing it says
ACTION NEEDED: Self-Inspection Activity

THIS IS NOT SPAM/PHISHING
Click to expand...

Alarms sound in my head. This is just like those emails my dad sends that say 'Don't bother to check this on SNOPES, I already did and it's legit.' NONE of the emails that say 'I already checked and it's legit' turn out to be legit.

So I report this for phishing. Forwarded to security's manager.

I mean, obviously, the first thing I would do if phishing would be to assure my coworkers that it wasn't phishing.
Plus, it would really suck to fall for it and put security in a position to say 'Dummy, why did you believe the email?'

Turns out that it was legit. But they've got us so paranoid, I marked the 'it's legit' announcement as phishing.

Security tried to lecture me on the proper procedure if I suspect PHISHing. But I pointed out that when we did THAT we ended up with an extra hour of training. So screw them. I can't trust anything that appears to be from within the company OR anything that actually is from inside the company.

What's the procedure to use when the 'procedure to be used' doesn't prevent phishing?

They won't answer that. I hope they're rethinking their strategy, though they might just be organizing my transfer to Reykjavik...
 
On the spider front, a couple of years ago we were all sitting around the fire pit on the patio, and I looked up to see a LARGE spider about three feet above me head and coming down. I didn't say anything, but I got up to move, caught my foot on my chair, and immediately feel into one of those little plastic tables, splaying and breaking off all four of its legs.

Needless to say, the rest of the group was at first mystified as to why, for no apparent reason, I stood up and "dived" onto a table, and once I showed them the spider, they spent the rest of the evening making fun of me.
 
Veritass said:
and once I showed them the spider, they spent the rest of the evening making fun of me.
Click to expand...
This.
This is why I hated Barney.
Kids on Barney reveal their weakness and the dinosaur shows how the other kids have similar weaknesses and sharing them makes us stronger.

It's bullshit.

In the real world, people smell weakness and start to circle, like wolves smelling blood.
Because people are just no damned good...
 
Keith&Co. said:
Veritass said:
and once I showed them the spider, they spent the rest of the evening making fun of me.
Click to expand...
This.
This is why I hated Barney.
Kids on Barney reveal their weakness and the dinosaur shows how the other kids have similar weaknesses and sharing them makes us stronger.

It's bullshit.

In the real world, people smell weakness and start to circle, like wolves smelling blood.
Because people are just no damned good...
Click to expand...

Good point. I wonder if Barney accounts (at least partially anyway) for the need for "trigger warnings" and "safe spaces" among young adults these days. They're about the right age to have watched a lot of Barney as toddlers.
 
So, I found a roll of the blue tape our maintenance staff uses to cover edges and trim when they paint.

I immediately made about 20 signs that say, "Warning! Dry Paint!" and taped them up in the hallway outside my office.

I'd estimate that 40% of all passersby pay no attention to the actual wording and just move to the middle of the hall and continue.

About 30% come to a stop and try to figure out if the sign is wrong. "Do they mean WET paint?" "Maybe they mean dryING paint?"

Everyone in the second group and another 30% who say nothing, reach out to touch the walls and see if the paint has dried yet.


Tomorrow, the signs will be: "For your safety: Wash hands immediately after touching wet paint."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom