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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co.

You're up...there's a Russian spy ship off the coast of Groton trying to intercept intelligence at the base. Entertain them with your brand of entertainment!!!
 
We were helping the judging of the school science fair and i went to use the bathroom while waiting for the results to start coming in.
At work, I'm used to bathrooms having motion sensors tied to the lights. And for various bathrooms, the sensors are oddly placed. So it's not unusual for me to be some distance into the bathroom before the light finally comes on.

So i guess when i went to the Berkshire Museum's restroom, i saw the automatic faucet in the sink and just assumed that the lights would be automatic, too.

Made it across the room, found the toilet, the door finished shutting, and i began utilizing the facility for the intended purpose.

At some point, it struck me, that light's just not going to come on, is it?

Which i decide is alright, as I've already found everything i need, and am well into my business...

Until it was time to find the toilet paper... Which isn't in any, i mean ANY of the most likely locations with respect to the toilet.


















And, really, who the FUCK puts the roller up above the tank? That's a hidden location even if the lights are ON!
 
Sajara said:
Keith&Co.

You're up...there's a Russian spy ship off the coast of Groton trying to intercept intelligence at the base. Entertain them with your brand of entertainment!!!
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Oh, no, I can't be caught communicating with Russia. Pence might not get the joke...
 
I keep telling my kids it's perfectly logical.

We had a lot of really big icicles on the house. They're bending the gutters.
I wanted to reduce the amount of ice hanging off my gutters.

The wife told me about a guy knocking icicles off of the roof at her school, but due to the length of his broomstick, he pretty much had to stand under them and swing up. He got beaten kinda to shit by the ice he successfully knocked down.

I did not want to be hit by icicles. But I wanted to be successful in my attempt to knock them down.

My choices were a broom, a snow shovel and a 12 foot tall halberd.

It just seems logical to me to use the greatest possible reach and stand the safest distance back from the impact area where one might expect a few pounds of ice to fall.

And the halberd has a pretty substantial heft to it, it's not meant to be decorative, so when swung on the ice, it did an efficient job of shattering the stuff, safely dropping it down and not onto me.

And the neighbors who came outside to watch either were unfamiliar with pole arms, or were familiar and, I assume, jealous that I had a halberd and they didn't.
See? Perfectly explicable.

But Youngest won't shut up, of course.

"Wanna explain the war cry you kept shouting?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said. "I'm not at 'war' with water, so 'Die, you gravy sucking pig!' can't be considered a war cry."
 
Sounds like that bathroom isn't up to code. You have a basis for a legal complaint if you want to.
 
We usually maintain a stock of Chicken Pot Pies in the coffin freezer. All of our kids can be satisfied with one for lunch or if they got home too late for dinner, or if the leftovers have mushrooms in them. And it's convenient to buy them in the big boxes, four pies to a box.

YEster day, Mrs. &Co. had leftovers, and i didn't, so i went and got a pot pie for myself. I found three of the four-pie boxes. Two were open, each with one pie in them. I don't understand why anyone opened a second box if one box was already opened... I took the last pie from box 1 and threw away the box.
Tallest came home a few hours after dinner and made himself a pie. I assumed he'd taken the last pie out of the second box.

We inventoried the freezer for the shopping list today and i noticed that, no, he'd opened the third box. So we had one box with one pie in it, and one box with three pies in it.
I asked what the hell he'd done that for.

He had a long, complicated rationale behind his choice. He knew that someone had opened the other box, and they would have had a running inventory in their head, so if they were asked 'Do we need more pies?' they'd expect there to be one pie in that box. If he'd eaten that, there'd only be ONE box out there, and that would screw up the inventory. He drew a detailed picture of the mental process Youngest or Mrs. &Co. would have gone through, their assumptions, their erroneous conclusions, and how that would impact my shopping, and then the consequences in trying to find a place to put the extra box when i finally got the groceries home. He started to draw an illustration to fully explain how this would work.

"You came home high, with the munchies," i said, "that's what you're saying?"
"Pretty much," he said.
 
Keith&Co. said:
bilby said:
I think you will find that the correct spelling is 'yawl'. It is a kind of sailing vessel, like a ketch, but with the mizzen mast set farther aft. You're welcome.
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All my ships had 8 to 14 masts, but only one sail.

But i've seen bar fights start in Georgia over whether 'you all' could be used to denote a single person.
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"ya'll" is singular.
"all ya'll" is the plural form
 
Malintent said:
"ya'll" is singular.
"all ya'll" is the plural form
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[Grammar Nazi] "Y'all" is a contraction of "you all", therefore the apostrophe goes where the missing letters would be; y'all, not ya'll. :p [/GN]
 
you got to say "All Ya'll" with a bit of a "fabulous" flare. Helps to wave your arm across your field of view and end with a snap of the fingers while saying it too.
 
Y'all is only singular in the deep south. It's used across the US and in my own experience as a Virginian who has lived in several other states, I've only heard it used as a singular in movies and TV. Savannah, Georgians don't have any particular claim to the word. Usage beats cultural entitlement when it comes to language, so it's safe to say it's either plural or singular, depending on where you are.
 
One of the women in Field Documentation decided that what we need is a pot luck for Employee Appreciation.
She wanted a theme. My boss jokingly suggested Pastafarianism.

She'd never heard of it before.

To the internet, she dashed. Then sent out this email about how there's this silly little social thing where people pledge not to take religion too seriously, and they wear colanders ("Can You Imagine?!!) and worship noodles and stuff like that there, and that'll be our pot-luck theme, so dress silly and bring in a dish with that in mind.

I sent a reply saying that i was glad she felt free to mock SOME PEOPLE'S religion in the workplace, and wondered if on Ash Wednesday, she was going to tease people who came to work with a bindi on their forehead.

According to someone who was in the boss' office, she went to boss and said, "Someone seems to be taking my Pastafarian comments a little personally."
"They're pulling your leg," Boss said. "Someone's just trying to be funny." They all chuckled. "Who was it?"
"Keith."

Boss stopped laughing. "Oh. He, uh. He might actually be a Pastafarian."

I cried a bit about no one supporting Talk Like A Pirate Day, but let him off the hook for Friday. I won't be attending or contributing. But that's because i have a doctor's appointment.
 
Got this private message from a brand new FB friend on my game account. I've never responded to him at all but he seems to think there is a conversation going on.

hello dear

how are you doing today

nice meeting you online

hello dear

about me
I am an independent man who is not okay being single but knows how much better life can be when it's shared with someone special. I am lovely, sincere, fun to be around, passionate/sensual and uninhibited with the right woman. I have been told my best qualities are my compassion, sense of humor (find it everywhere and quick to laugh), and warm personality. I am an open-minded person who tries not to judge others by my standards

i will want to know about you ok

hello

My dear, hello!!!

Since you accepted my friend request on this site, I became very happy and thought a lot about how to start our conversation! I was so happy that I decided to write to you as soon as it became possible! I hope I am not late) Am I?)

Well, as you remember my name is Charles, you can call me as all friends of mine New C. How must I call you? ������ Sorry if I look like very shy now, but that is really so) I am not used to such type of conversation and really feel a bit embarrassed ������

I really don’t know how to start it right. I will be just honest and will hope you won’t judge me, ok?)

So, I am divorced man with a great 10 years old son, I am middle height which fit to any women) 162 cm, as I am a sporting person, who lives a healthy life, my weight is 52 kg.

I am looking for a special woman, soul mate, lover and friend in one face. Do you think it is too much? I don’t think so ������ I am a caring and friendly person who deserves such a man's happiness like love of a nice woman. I am not selfish and feelings and warmth which i will get from my woman, i will present her back, because mutual care and understanding is what has to be the base of our relationship! Do you agree with me?

Do you think you can be interested in a man with such a purpose like mine? Can such a man Like me a good match for a woman with such wishes as yours? And what are your wishes and purposes in a new relationship? What are you looking for?

I ask you pardon for so many questions at once, but I like you and my wish to know you better makes me ask you all these questions. I am very interested in finding the happiness of mine. and I will be very happy to get a full letter from you

Now I will finish my letter, I see it became very long and i really don;t want you to fall asleep reading it) That is why now I will say bye, but I will impatiently wait for the letter back and hope to get it soon !

from Charles
with love

are you there
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