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Things that make you laugh...

Actually, that reminds me.
It's kind of a tradition in the Navy that if someone earns a commendation or a medal near their transfer date, you hold it back and ship it to the next command. That way soon after you report aboard, the captain is handing you a medal or a letter from the admiral saying you're a great guy. It's a nice introduction.

Somehow, my first sub forgot that i had a leadership school to attend on the way to my next command. So they forwarded my good conduct medal to a 3-week school. They liked it. THey never get to hand out awards.

Part of the way they taught LMET was to mix up the students. We had a different table each day. As it happened, i was at a table with four other submariners, and one bosun's mate, the day they gave me the Good Conduct.

I sat back down at the table and one of the guys asked, "So, was that 4 years of being good or 4 years of not getting caught?"

The bosun lost it. SHe was quite irate. "Do not mock the GCM! SOME of us had to work HARD to get the minimum evals. SOME of us had to work hard to avoid bad habits. SOME of us had to put EFFORT into earning it!"

I shrugged. "I didn't get caught."
The guy to my left said, "I didn't get caught."
The guy to his left said, "I didn't get caught."
The guy to his left, the bosun's right, fingered his ribbon and said "I got caught, but i blackmailed my way out of it."

SHe asked to be assigned to a different table....
 
Seen on facebook:

Dear Landlord.

The cone that the maintenance department put over the deep hole in the car park of our flats, is not working. I gently lifted the cone up and the hole has not healed up! I wonder if it's time to administer antibiotics or something similar.

I have done some research and found successful documented evidence of treating the problem by filling the fucking hole in!! This may be at the cutting edge of research and still in it's infancy but surely worth a try.

Yours in extreme anticipation
Mr Logical at No. 16
 
So.... the guys in the office are discussing some survey one of them took. One of the things the survey was trying to find out was initial reactions to people.

I walk into the office and they ask, 'What's the first thing you think of when you see a new person?'

Evidently, on the SURVEY, it's a multiple choice question.
Do I wonder what race they are?
Do I wonder if they're gay?
Do I wonder if they're employed?
A couple other social reactions....


But no one gives me this sort of 'hint' for what the allowed answers are. Caught off guard, I reply, "I wonder how they'll react if they wake up inside a hamster cage?"






.....No one has spoken to me for 45 minutes, so far.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So.... the guys in the office are discussing some survey one of them took. One of the things the survey was trying to find out was initial reactions to people.

I walk into the office and they ask, 'What's the first thing you think of when you see a new person?'

Evidently, on the SURVEY, it's a multiple choice question.
Do I wonder what race they are?
Do I wonder if they're gay?
Do I wonder if they're employed?
A couple other social reactions....


But no one gives me this sort of 'hint' for what the allowed answers are. Caught off guard, I reply, "I wonder how they'll react if they wake up inside a hamster cage?"


.....No one has spoken to me for 45 minutes, so far.
Click to expand...


I always wonder how they'd react if people really did turn into zombies when they die, and if anybody else figures the best zombie survival kit is to just barricade the door presuming you've enough food and water for a month, because by then it's either the virus is dead, or that the zombies have rotted far enough to stop moving, problem solved. An then I want to ask what their favorite wild animal is, not a pet but wild, but people tell me that's just weird, so I end up never really wondering anything. //
 
A coworker is looking for information he wanted to call someone at the Trident Training Facility in Georgia. Shouted tothe room to ask what the phone number was.

Someone else shouted, 867 pause 5309.

Reply: Thanks! Wait, what’s the area code?
 
We have a snow broom. It's like a weed-eater version of a snow blower. Rotating blades that throw the snow 6-8 feet up in the air.

I got stuck in the snow at the end of the driveway yesterday. the kids came out to help dig it out. so they're digging out from under the car, I took the snow broom to clear the rest of the driveway. Moved ten feet down the driveway so that I wasn't blowing snow directly onto them.

Cleared about ten, twelve feet of driveway, then noticed that the wind was drifting the snow I was throwing up into the air.
Turned to see that my little black car was almost entirely white from the dusting.
And so were the kids...

FOR SOME REASON, my kids are kinda sarcastic little bastards sometimes. I guess when they started to get dusted, they just stood up, crossed their arms, and waited for me to notice what I was doing to them. They looked like two snowmen. Annnnnnnnnnngry snowmen.
 
Many years back, my sister-in-law had an artificial bone implant in her finger to replace the one she was born with that died the day after the warranty ran out.

I jokingly said that she now had a bionic finger, and every time she used it, we should replicate the Steve Austin, $6Mil Man, sound effect, to wit, 'Na-na-na-na-na...'
I was joking. The kids actually did it when next we met Martha.

My sister (not S-in-law) heard about this. Remembered it for 15 years.
My mother just got an implant which puts electrodes in her spine. It's for back pain, the 'trodes put a sort of white noise into her nervous system so that it never can interpret the pain signals the back is trying to send to the brain. The battery for this device is implanted in Mom's butt.

So every time Mom sits down, Sis says, "Na-na-na-na-na..." under her breath. Mom does not remember the story of Bionic Martha and just keeps asking 'what? What? What are you saying?'

"Ask Keith," is all Sis says.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Many years back, my sister-in-law had an artificial bone implant in her finger to replace the one she was born with that died the day after the warranty ran out.

I jokingly said that she now had a bionic finger, and every time she used it, we should replicate the Steve Austin, $6Mil Man, sound effect, to wit, 'Na-na-na-na-na...'
I was joking. The kids actually did it when next we met Martha.

My sister (not S-in-law) heard about this. Remembered it for 15 years.
My mother just got an implant which puts electrodes in her spine. It's for back pain, the 'trodes put a sort of white noise into her nervous system so that it never can interpret the pain signals the back is trying to send to the brain. The battery for this device is implanted in Mom's butt.

So every time Mom sits down, Sis says, "Na-na-na-na-na..." under her breath. Mom does not remember the story of Bionic Martha and just keeps asking 'what? What? What are you saying?'

"Ask Keith," is all Sis says.
Click to expand...

She needs to sit down in slow motion too.
 
Was just reminded of a time in the shipyard.

We were still building the submarine, though the weapon system was installed. I was building the documentation necessary for the weapons office. So most of my day was paperwork.
One morning my wife and i woke up a little frisky. Washed off after, got dressed and we both went to our respective commands.
Sat in the Missile Control Center all morning, doing my paperwork thing.
After lunch, we had to load some equipment and i worked up a sweat.
There were some fluids remaining in my mustache that were... reinvigorated by the sweat.
WHen we all went back to MCC, the whole place started to smell like an excited female.

Everyone started sniffing, looking around... I did the same thing so as not to look like the ONLY guy not trying to locate the source.

The chief came in, started rattling off orders for the next few hours of work... Paused. "Who the fuck got laid in a shipyard?"

"THe keel did!" i found myself shouting.

"The keel didn't smell like that," he muttered.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So.... the guys in the office are discussing some survey one of them took. One of the things the survey was trying to find out was initial reactions to people.

I walk into the office and they ask, 'What's the first thing you think of when you see a new person?'

Evidently, on the SURVEY, it's a multiple choice question.
Do I wonder what race they are?
Do I wonder if they're gay?
Do I wonder if they're employed?
A couple other social reactions....


But no one gives me this sort of 'hint' for what the allowed answers are. Caught off guard, I reply, "I wonder how they'll react if they wake up inside a hamster cage?"






.....No one has spoken to me for 45 minutes, so far.
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
Amish penguins pulling Amish plows on Amish penguin farms. Poor little buggers. Takes a lot of them, all harnessed together, pulling their little penguin feet off trying to get that plow going.

Seems cruel, but it's funny as hell to watch.
 
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