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Things that make you laugh...

Saw an interview with the star of Legion, Dan Stevens (who is British, good job on the accent, dude) in which he answered questions from random people on the internet.

Q: If you had a superpower that made it rain, but couldn't control it, would you blame people for being mad at you?
A: It's called being English, and no.
 
I have a document I keep going of the funny things my kids say. Sometimes I enjoy browsing it and remembering the change in their funny over the years. This is one of my favorites from when my son was 3yo



I send Dear Son off to the bathroom, while I keep on cooking in the kitchen.

DS takes a while, not a big deal, he probably got distracted in the living room right after.

I hear him singing at the top of his lungs. Fee, fie, fiddly-eye-oh-oh-oh-oh! No worries, that's always a good sign, plenty of noise.

But it goes on for a while without him running in and out of the kitchen, as he usually does when he's singing. Fee, fie, fiddly-eye-oh!

So I go to check on him
(pauses to laugh again)
(wishes I had a camcorder on for this one)
(then again, he'll be glad later that I didn't)

He's lying on his back on the bathroom floor,
His legs up on the wall,
His pants and underwear in a pile next to him,
Playing with his penis, yelling
STRUMMIN' ON THE OLD BANJO!!!
 
https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/woman-arrested-for-training-squirrels-to-attack-her-ex-boyfriend/

First, I have no idea if this source is credible, so take this with a grain of salt. If this is true, then I am a bad person for laughing at this. I mean the man lost two fingers and a testicle. Still, I couldn't help but think "It's the real life version of Squirrel Girl! Now I know the real reason all those supervillains are terrified of her!"

54b82135585b6-1.jpg
 
My daughter was a handful. Fortunately, she's better now. Anyhow, when she was about 2 years old and learning the language she would often say that she was "hungee" (hard G). Well we'd gently correct her and occasionally have some fun with her about it .. no biggie. Well, fast forward to about age 4. I asked her one day if she was hungee, and she fired back with her double barrel gun of preschool knowledge: "It's 'hungry' .. There is a G in there.... can't you speak English?" My wife was laughing so hard, I couldn't help but join in.


The other story was when she was about 2-1/2 or so. Her favorite book was Fox in Socks. She'd love me to read it as fast as I could without tripping up. She couldn't quite say Fox in Socks, but she would say "Fucking Socks" .... So we were on vacation with my parents (unaware of this speech impediment) and I asked my daughter what her favorite book was.

She said, "Fucking Socks."

I saw my mom do a double take, so I fired up again: "What do you want?"

Daughter: "I want my fucking socks."

My mom was halfway shocked and halfway laughing if you can imagine. We still have a good laugh about it to this day.
 
Underseer said:
https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/woman-arrested-for-training-squirrels-to-attack-her-ex-boyfriend/

First, I have no idea if this source is credible, so take this with a grain of salt. If this is true, then I am a bad person for laughing at this. I mean the man lost two fingers and a testicle. Still, I couldn't help but think "It's the real life version of Squirrel Girl! Now I know the real reason all those supervillains are terrified of her!"

54b82135585b6-1.jpg
Click to expand...

Well, that's a novel way to get back at your ex. :cheeky:
 
So, I'm in the front room and look up to see Mrs. &Co. coming down the stairs.
I shout, "Nude Descending A Staircase!"
She points out, "I'm fully dressed."
"PRUDE Descending A Staircase!"
She flipped me off.
"RUDE Descending A Staircase!"

She took off her wooden sandal and cocked her arm to throw it.
"Shoe descending towards the crude dude who viewed the not-nude prude on the staircase."

I surrendered. She can do this so much better than I can...
 
The wife and I took a nice vacation to Italy, including Rome, where I lived for one semester as a college student. As I know Rome very well, I acted as tour guide for the spouse. No need to pay for a tour guide I said. At one point in the Coliseum, she catches me surreptitiously listening to one of the professional tour guides (checking to see if I got all the facts and figures correct, which I did). She grabs my arm and says “You are tour bombing. Stop it.”

Later, after 9 hours between the Forum, the Coliseum and the Palatine Hill, she proclaims that she has seen enough for the day, let’s go she says . . . time to get gelato and return to the hotel. Now I have to mention that she is of Mexican/American heritage and speaks Spanish. So I look at her and say, “So, you are telling me “Veni, Vidi, Vamonos”.”
 
Wife: What do you want for Father's Day?

Me: Pity sex.

Wife: Pity sex? THAT'S your Father's Day wish?

Me: Yes.

Wife: God, that's pretty pathetic.

Me: I know, right? Right? RIGHT!?
 
I found this wedding dress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X3VTDBV/ref=?tag=natdee-20

I love the idea of dimming the lights so she can shimmer up the aisle, and cycle through the color options as she goes, when we renew our vows.

she asked who's paying for it.

I will! Right after I get a promise, in writing, that she'll wear it.

And I get the wireless remote during the ceremony...
 
Keith&Co. said:
I found this wedding dress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X3VTDBV/ref=?tag=natdee-20

I love the idea of dimming the lights so she can shimmer up the aisle, and cycle through the color options as she goes, when we renew our vows.

she asked who's paying for it.

I will! Right after I get a promise, in writing, that she'll wear it.

And I get the wireless remote during the ceremony...
Click to expand...

I think it would be spectacular. We aren't the type to be into renewing vows, though--neither one of us is into ceremonies. We had a justice-of-the-peace wedding and that's all we need.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
Keith&Co. said:
I found this wedding dress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X3VTDBV/ref=?tag=natdee-20

I love the idea of dimming the lights so she can shimmer up the aisle, and cycle through the color options as she goes, when we renew our vows.

she asked who's paying for it.

I will! Right after I get a promise, in writing, that she'll wear it.

And I get the wireless remote during the ceremony...
Click to expand...

I think it would be spectacular. We aren't the type to be into renewing vows, though--neither one of us is into ceremonies. We had a justice-of-the-peace wedding and that's all we need.
Click to expand...

Just think how impressed the Justice would be! :hysterical: (Trying to envision what our wedding with the Justice of the Peace would have been like if Mrs Elixir had worn something like that.)

ZiprHead said:
Only $8800 bucks and free shipping. Wutta steal. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Y'mean wutta theft!
 
Keith&Co. said:
I found this wedding dress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X3VTDBV/ref=?tag=natdee-20

I love the idea of dimming the lights so she can shimmer up the aisle, and cycle through the color options as she goes, when we renew our vows.

she asked who's paying for it.

I will! Right after I get a promise, in writing, that she'll wear it.

And I get the wireless remote during the ceremony...
Click to expand...

haha! FREE SHIPPING, too!! *adds to cart*
 
"I thinks it's cool there a blacks only dating site, blackpeoplemeet.com. I wish there was a muslim only dating site because I'd really like to meet an FBI agent." Atheer Yacoub, female muslim comedian
 
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