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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
I found this wedding dress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X3VTDBV/ref=?tag=natdee-20

I love the idea of dimming the lights so she can shimmer up the aisle, and cycle through the color options as she goes, when we renew our vows.

she asked who's paying for it.

I will! Right after I get a promise, in writing, that she'll wear it.

And I get the wireless remote during the ceremony...
Click to expand...

You plan to use "flash mode", right?
 
RavenSky said:
Keith&Co. said:
I found this wedding dress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X3VTDBV/ref=?tag=natdee-20

I love the idea of dimming the lights so she can shimmer up the aisle, and cycle through the color options as she goes, when we renew our vows.

she asked who's paying for it.

I will! Right after I get a promise, in writing, that she'll wear it.

And I get the wireless remote during the ceremony...
Click to expand...

You plan to use "flash mode", right?
Click to expand...
Of course.


Doesn't come in her size...
I dunno, can you get married in effigy? Dress a mannequin, roll it up the aisle?
 
From a comment on Facebook about misinformation and people not checking: "... this how we ended up elbow deep in orange hobgoblin."
 
It's fascinating.
Decorum is fleeting.
Emotions... Take their toll.
But listen closely.
Not for an extended period.
I've got to keep in control.
I remember doing the Mind Meld
Thinking, those moments when,
The Captain would hit me.
And the logic was compelling.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

It’s so human.
These emotional crewmen.
Try to let doom in.
But that’s not tolerable.

In another dimension.
With goal oriented intentions.
I’ve calculated the odds for it all.

With a careful decision tree,
You find a temporal anomaly.
And nothing shall ever be the same.

You’re beginning to merge in,
To your ship’s chief surgeon. (Eugh!)
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

Well, I was beaming on down,
Just looking around
When a snake-hissing Gorn
Gave me a countdown
Well it shook me up
It took me by surprise
He had an obsidian knife
And the devil's eyes
He stared at me
And I felt a change
Rank meant nothing
Never would again.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
 
Keith&Co. said:
It's fascinating.
Decorum is fleeting.
Emotions... Take their toll.
But listen closely.
Not for an extended period.
I've got to keep in control.
I remember doing the Mind Meld
Thinking, those moments when,
The Captain would hit me.
And the logic was compelling.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

It’s so human.
These emotional crewmen.
Try to let doom in.
But that’s not tolerable.

In another dimension.
With goal oriented intentions.
I’ve calculated the odds for it all.

With a careful decision tree,
You find a temporal anomaly.
And nothing shall ever be the same.

You’re beginning to merge in,
To your ship’s chief surgeon. (Eugh!)
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

Well, I was beaming on down,
Just looking around
When a snake-hissing Gorn
Gave me a countdown
Well it shook me up
It took me by surprise
He had an obsidian knife
And the devil's eyes
He stared at me
And I felt a change
Rank meant nothing
Never would again.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Click to expand...

Looks like the aliens have finally gotten to Keith. :(
 
Keith&Co. said:
It's fascinating.
Decorum is fleeting.
Emotions... Take their toll.
But listen closely.
Not for an extended period.
I've got to keep in control.
I remember doing the Mind Meld
Thinking, those moments when,
The Captain would hit me.
And the logic was compelling.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

It’s so human.
These emotional crewmen.
Try to let doom in.
But that’s not tolerable.

In another dimension.
With goal oriented intentions.
I’ve calculated the odds for it all.

With a careful decision tree,
You find a temporal anomaly.
And nothing shall ever be the same.

You’re beginning to merge in,
To your ship’s chief surgeon. (Eugh!)
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

Well, I was beaming on down,
Just looking around
When a snake-hissing Gorn
Gave me a countdown
Well it shook me up
It took me by surprise
He had an obsidian knife
And the devil's eyes
He stared at me
And I felt a change
Rank meant nothing
Never would again.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.

Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
It’s just a touch on the left.
And a grope on the right.
Compose your face, close your lips.
You reign your thoughts in tight.
But it’s the Vulcan Thrust.
That keeps you from going insane.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Let’s do the Mind Meld Again.
Click to expand...

Hey Keith,

More silly hi-jink stories from your workplace please and less of whatever this is.

Thanks!
 
Things have been downright somber at work. I've had cellulitis for a while and the most pompous targets are at meetings with the customer in DC or Cocoa Beach
 
There's a Staropramen, waiting in the bar,
I'd like to go and drink it, but I have to drive my car,
There's a Staropramen, waiting in the bar,
I'd like to go and drink it, but I have to drive my car,
Let the drinkers Uber, let the drinkers Uber,
Let all the drinkers Uber.

With apologies to the late, great, David Bowie.
 
Shopping today, i passed a lady who's about the age of my mother, I'd guess. A very white old woman.

And she was being assisted by a very young little girl pushing her own little toy shopping cart. The girl was clearly of mixed-race heritage, just like my kids. I smiled at them and asked, "Are you helping grandma get groceries?"
She was shy and wouldn't answer, but the woman got this HUGE smile. "Thank you! Everyone always asks if i'm babysitting someone else's kid!"
"Ah. Well, people are scum," I said. She nodded, and took her grandkid off to the deli for something on their list.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Shopping today, i passed a lady who's about the age of my mother, I'd guess. A very white old woman.

And she was being assisted by a very young little girl pushing her own little toy shopping cart. The girl was clearly of mixed-race heritage, just like my kids. I smiled at them and asked, "Are you helping grandma get groceries?"
She was shy and wouldn't answer, but the woman got this HUGE smile. "Thank you! Everyone always asks if i'm babysitting someone else's kid!"
"Ah. Well, people are scum," I said. She nodded, and took her grandkid off to the deli for something on their list.
Click to expand...

Yeah, she looked like a grandma, but what if she identified as a grandpa? Then who would have egg on their face?

Can't be sure of anything these days.
 
thebeave said:
Keith&Co. said:
Shopping today, i passed a lady who's about the age of my mother, I'd guess. A very white old woman.

And she was being assisted by a very young little girl pushing her own little toy shopping cart. The girl was clearly of mixed-race heritage, just like my kids. I smiled at them and asked, "Are you helping grandma get groceries?"
She was shy and wouldn't answer, but the woman got this HUGE smile. "Thank you! Everyone always asks if i'm babysitting someone else's kid!"
"Ah. Well, people are scum," I said. She nodded, and took her grandkid off to the deli for something on their list.
Click to expand...

Yeah, she looked like a grandma, but what if she identified as a grandpa? Then who would have egg on their face?
Click to expand...
In that coat?
If they thought of themselves as a 'grandpa' they sure went to some effort to present as a grandmother. I'll stand by my terms.

No egg on my face.
 
The office smells of rosemary potatoes...


…without the potatoes.

A coworker had a difficulty with his deodorant this morning. The button snapped and it turned into a grenade.

He threw it into the bathtub and ran the shower to limit the spread. But it was too late...

It’s still a stronger smell in here, now, than the smell of latex was on the day we reached 600 balloons stuffed into the boss' office.

People in the hall are wondering 'what IS that?" And not all of them are passing our door before they wonder.

It wasn't this bad when Other coworker's dog played hide and cry with a skunk...
 
Here ar3e some of my food puns.

Reeses Pieces is a pornographic candy.

Cheerios is British porn.

Cheetohs is a very dishonest food.

I can't buy Snickers because it always laughs at me.

Chili is simply too cold to eat.

A corned beef with ham and cheese sandwich is the most humorous sandwich in the world.

American cheese is very patriotic.

Swiss Cheese is holy cheese for being blessed by the Pope.
 
A line from "Snatch" by Gregory McDonald:

In the vestibule of the vanWankles' apartment was a statue twenty feet high of a naked lady. In her Venus mount was a clock. In time, Robby noticed it was twenty minutes to one.
Click to expand...
 
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